'supporting each other through really tough times'

VJsmum

kidcat wrote: »

Cranky - that makes sense to me too, if OH went I know there would be days when I would be raging that he had left me to deal with everything

My rational self does know though that most days I do that now anyway - but its hard to be rational in the moment There are some days when I resent that he "escapes" to work, and that I am left with it all alone. Yet when he is here its harder.

How perverse is that?

My SIL found herself alone after BIL died. She had kids of 6 and 8. After 3 years she still hasn't really got over it - not that you get over it as such but even come to terms. BIL committed suicide after years of mental illness. Initially there was relief, then guilt about the relief, then guilt generally and then anger.
But anger is part of grief, isn't it?

When my 2 were little I often felt resentful that OH escaped to work, he would frequently have a small child thrust at him when he came through the door "please take YOUR son" i have always worked part time though, so did have my own escape. I would have crawled the walls if I couldn't have done that for a couple of days a week. There was only so much of Tumble Tots and swimming lessons I could take and anything that involved "row row row"ing my boat or making "the wheels on the bus go round and round" did my head in after a bit. And don't even start me on Playdough - you get it all out, sit with them and, after 5 minutes they say "you finish that, Mummy as I'm going to play".:mad: Perhaps I'm not very maternal after all:rotfl:

I have said that, though I wouldn't choose to live alone, if something happened to him I know that I could. It is a comfort in a way.

CRANKY40

ginnyknit wrote: »

Im moving in with Cranky if I end up on my own, arent I Cranky she is adopting me as Georges new Grandma and chief cat rustler

Yes absolutely. I hope you're good at stair climbing Sorry to hear MrG has been poorly and hope he's well for a little while to give you a rest.

Fuddle I hope Alfie is a bit better today. The police shouldn't do anything even if he is reported, after all, what is the woman complaining about? My daughter was told not to touch a dog so she did and it growled at her? A lot of children aren't taught to offer their hands to a dog for a sniff first either, so when a dog sees a hand coming towards them at speed they think it's an attack.

Hope you have a good day folks

jem132

Hi sorry I have just read back a little

Heavenly. Hugs x

Fuddle I am sure alf will be okay silly woman probably couldn't even remember your address when she got home, you told the child not to touch him she did thatsbher mums falt .

Hugs to everyone else .

I've just put my washing out. First time in a long time dd

shegar

kidcat wrote: »

WCS - I get that, and I am quite sure that if OH left or if anything happened to him I would not bother with a relationship either,

Im definately with you on this one, my hubby being totally disabled has left me so shattered on a daily basis that should he have to go into a nursing home, NO WAY would I have anyone else, im too wore out............Hardly got the strength to look after myself......
..........Sheila

GreyQueen

Heavenleigh, please accept a dodgy group hug from me. :grouphug:And here's some more for anyone else who feels in need.:grouphug::grouphug:

Smiling at the image of the sodden cat at 4 am. I've had to towel off/ unpick snow dangles from various cats over the years. I think they're just idle and savvy; thinking that if they go and pester their human and look pitiful, they'll get attended-to and won't have to groom themselves so much. Usually works, too.:rotfl:

I know a fair few women who are in the Not looking Not bothered category with relationships. Sometimes they were married and are now divorced, sometimes they were very long term cohabitees and the relationship broke up. With children and without children, with careers and without them.

One woman I know had a LBM when she looked from her tantrumming OH to her 6 y.o. and realised it was exactly the same behaviour. It was the beginning of the end.

Today I have shedloads to do so better get off this chair and start doing some of it.

Have a good day, everyone.

nuttyp

morning everyone, so much more posted again since i came home from work. It is very windy here, the trees on the green in front are blowing around.

All the talk about being seperated/divorced reminds me of when OH left us. We were in major financial difficulty, and argued everyday. He decided one weekend he was moving out, and did so. I was due to go bankrupt in 10 days. My mum paid for me and the girls togo to disney paris for a few days. The break was nice. I returned and went to court. All sorted...... I then moved house to live up the road from my parents. OH then moved someone in with him, she lasted 3 days!!! After about a year we started talking, and we are together now. We are happier, and we only get what we need and can afford. Money problems was what broke us, but it was a hard lesson to learn.

kezlou

heavenleigh ((hugs))

sorry possession , it must have been pooky.

I did attempt four times to write replies but they all disappeared:mad:

so fifth attempt -

kidcat - the social stories are pretty good, i'm going to have a go with ds2 and how see if it helps him.
Fuddle - stupid woman, i always tell my children not to chase after animal especially dogs. You have to let them sniff you first and ask the owners permission. I don't think the police will do anything. Hows alfie today?

Thank you Lynn, i hope so too Fingers crossed this will the house for us. Its has a large green area out the front so hopefully the lads will be able to muck about outside. I've sent Fuddle a link and she thinks its looks nice to:)

Well better go take ds2 to school x

sevenup01

Morning all and :grouphug: to all in need.
Fuddle i hope Alfie is feeling a little better this morning. It is so easy to teach your child how to behave around strange dogs and yet amazing how so amny parents just dont bother. I have taught all my children and the ones i childminded to ask and we always get thanked for asking by the owner, especially when they say 'no' for whatever reason.

The childcare thing is tough. I dont know enough about nurseries to comment but i suspect fees will stay the same to parents. With childminders though i know a lot in my area having been one, though not any longer. There is a lot of hard thinking going on with them. Most of them are considering taking on an assistant who would be self employed. they would have to be self employed as you cannot guarantee keeping the places filled all the time so hours available for your assistant could be variable. My best friend is rated as outstanding by ofsted and has been for a number of years. We are considering the implications of me being her assistant as we get on well together and work from the same 'page'. Nothing is decided yet though and of course much of it depends on the work being available anyway. So many jobs seem to be part time now that the childcare needed can be very bitty.
So an hour at luchtime and then take child to nursery.
A child for nursery education 9.30 til 2.30 daily for only 3 days.
A child for after school for 40 minutes.
An assistant would then be able to stay in the warm and dry with the nursery ed child while the school nursery child was taken to nursery. If a parent is late collecting, an assistant could do the school run while the childminder waits for the child to be collected. And of course in the event of an accident or you are needed to collect a minded child early from school etc, there is still someone to be with the children at all times and no panic trying to get hold of your emergency contact to sit with the other children.
I'll stop waffling now i think but thats my observations of childminders.

[Deleted User]

Morning everyone - THE SUN IS SHINING!!!!!!! Amazing what a difference waking up to sunshine makes, He Who Knows is just venturing out for his morning constitutional with the Lurcher (I wonder how much mud will come home with them today?) and my day is going to be Housework, then some Housework followed by guess what? yes some Housework. The whole house needs a tidy up and I'm going to open all the windows and let it air as well.

Hugs to all that need them, Hope the ALFIE PUPPY is feeling better today and huge congratulations to MAR and the RV for thier 47th Wedding Annivrsary, you deserve an endurance award my friend, well done!

Have a good day all, Cheers Lyn xxx.

heavenleigh

Thanks all for the hugs, were very much needed.
A little back story now i can type without tears!
I married young (well 19) and spent 14 years bringing up my 4 wonderful children before the ex-husband walked out, leaving me with 4 children a £600 pound a month mortgage and no wage coming in...
I have my odd down day, but love the fact i can come here and moan. Most of the time i can muster my energy to think ferk it, get a grip!
Hugs to everyone else in need, sometimes just typing it out to strangers really can help xxx