Partners family helping

Twenty5

Thank you to those that genuinely tried to help.

19lottie82

what does your boyfriend think?

Gillyx

If I hated it that much, I'd be curtailing social acitvites like eating out etc to save quicker for the deposit.

The thing is living at home, means living under parents rules and how they want to live there lives. They may be over bearing but he needs to be the one to stand up to them if he doesn't like it. IMO anyway.

tea_lover

While he's living with them it's their rules. Does he think they're interfering or it is just your take on things? My OH thinks my family are all way too close but I love it, so he just has to lump it lol.

Twenty5

He stands up to them and does find it interfering. All he says it that it will only be a few years then we can get our own place! He talks about it with then and they change for a couple of weeks then its back to same old.

I understand that it's their house but we are very respectful of that. Always tidy up after ourselves etc. But I don't think it's a lot to ask that they respect us and treat us as adults. When we move out, would they like us to make them feel uncomfortable when they visit?

Dread to think how controlling they'll be when we have kids

downsizer3

Sadly you'll only get treated as an equal when you're out there making your own way. Right now you're living under their roof for free and they can pretty much say as they please.
Be grateful they're not charging rent and save up as much as possible, as quickly as possible.

Twenty5

They do charge rent though

downsizer3

Ah!
Is it better to work out how you could rent somewhere of your own then? Do the sums?
If its years before you'll have saved enough - maye better to rent awhile rather than jump straight into buying anyway. Save a lot of toing and froing........

Parents are unlikely to change. You partner is their son - they'll always see him that way until he's making his own way.
I'm 45 with a family of my own and my parents still seem to think I'm 13........:eek:

Twenty5

Perhaps you're right. Will look into it. Just that they say they want to be involved when we have moved out and starting a family.

That's not gonna happen if they keep interfering. In my opinion they should treat us as adults. Sure they would like it if we moved out and by boyfriend hardly saw them.

lowlitmemory

My family are the same, it's different in that I/we don't really mind though (most of the time). I'd say it isn't about not treating you as an adult, just a totally different outlook on family.

If we were being mean, my family are controlling, possessive and interfering. But they're also warm, loving, caring, would help us out in any circumstances and provide support. My father can't understand how my in-laws have only visited our new flat once and never helped with any of the DIY, whereas he's been round almost every weekend helping to put up curtains etc, given us a fair whack of money to help out and lent us various bits and bobs. However, I suspect the in-laws think that to do any more than they do already would be 'interfering'. So I understand that.

In reality we try to look at the positives for both families and understand that each side does things in a way we might not be familiar with. I doubt they will change, in fact I doubt they would ever understand why their 'help' is unwelcome. For example, I would personally see it as a normal, caring thing to let the people you live with know where you're going and when you'll be back. I did this when living with flatmates so it isn't about being a child, it's just respectful to others with whom you share living space. Not to say different outlooks are wrong but they're just different.

Errata

This isn't your problem, it's your boyfriend's problem. If he lets them get away with it, and it seems he does, that means he's happy to let them get away with it.