We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.

This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.

📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

where has my happy boy gone?

13

Comments

  • VJsmum
    VJsmum Posts: 6,999 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    My two have had "Hair in Funny places" by Babette Cole, and DS has just got "Living with a Willy". The former is quite basic the latter might have language you don't like. - My DS is 13 and had been looking at !!!!!! on my laptop! I told him about the book and that I would get it, he could read it if he liked and ask me or his dad anything. I said that friends at school were unlikely to know the truth and that !!!!!! wasn't what it was about. I found some pictures of scantily clad women by his bed - underwear adverts ripped out of Easy Living mag or the Sunday times mag - I left them there.:p

    It is a tricky thing - just encourage him to be open.
    I wanna be in the room where it happens
  • pollypenny
    pollypenny Posts: 29,439 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    I thought I'd only have a bleed once! So much for my mother's explanation of becoming a woman. :p
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
  • My family was so not- open about puberty that when I started my periods I couldn't pluck up the courage to tell my mum until the second one, and then I told her via a post-it note :D.
    I've already started introducing the idea of puberty to my two, at 8 and 5, and can go into more detail as required. (I found the second 'chat' much easier than the first, and the third easier than the second etc. ) I was/ am determined that they won't feel as isolated as I did about their changing bodies.

    OP: I'm sure he'll be fine, even if it takes some time to realise it. The communication channels are clearly open between him and yourselves, which is by far the most important thing here IMO. Good luck!
    They call me Dr Worm... I'm interested in things; I'm not a real doctor but I am a real worm. :grin:
  • kathy206
    kathy206 Posts: 1,438 Forumite
    OP my DS was exactly the same at 12. He thought he'd go to Hell for looking at pron (thankfully just undie shots not full on naked shots) on his PSP and accosted me on the landing in floods of tears gibbering about how sorry he was. He's nearly 15 now and still a bit moody, but his dad and I have always been very open with him about feelings and made sure he knew he could talk to us about anything. We just give him space and time on his own and make sure that his younger brother always knocks on his bedroom door etc just so he has some privacy. That said his dad monitors his PC phone and Facebook regularly and he knows that if he tries anything like deleting his browsing history then the internet privileges are gone. Good luck, it sounds like you have a sound relationship with him xx
    Nuts oh Hazelnuts:rotfl:
  • olibrofiz
    olibrofiz Posts: 821 Forumite
    It's good that your son has talked to you OP, even if it was because he was feeling distressed and overwhelmed by it all.

    My DD is 17 now, and what I think helped with our conversations about sex was giving her the facts (for both boys & girls), having a bit of a giggle here and there, stressing these feelings etc were normal, and saying she could always ask me anything, but then leaving it till the next conversation arose. She is now so relaxed with talking about sex with me that recently I had her and her boyfriend :eek::eek: discussing the benefits of lube and whether they should buy some (they did, & showed me their purchase - beam me up scotty! :o:o )

    Maybe now you've had a few chats with your son don't keep asking him how he is, just carry on life as normal. If he mentions anything about sex ask him how/what he thinks about that and let the conversation develop from there.
  • Wilma33
    Wilma33 Posts: 681 Forumite
    kathy206 wrote: »
    That said his dad monitors his PC phone and Facebook regularly and he knows that if he tries anything like deleting his browsing history then the internet privileges are gone.

    I'm sure he just deletes the dodgy pages. Any 12 year olds knows that deleting the whole lot is way too obvious ;)
  • WantToBeSE wrote: »
    To be honest, i think a lot of it is just hormones.
    It seems to suddenly just hit them at the first year of secondary school, i know it did for my son when he started yr 7 last year.

    Its a really hard time for them, going through so many changes-not only hormonally, but also being the youngest in the school instead of the oldest, being treated more like a responsible teenager (and expected to act like it), yet still being young.
    You say his dad has chatted to him about sex, but have you both also explained hormones to him? He may be confused about his own feelings/behaviour, and not sure what hormones are, or what they do? I know that my son found it reassuring to know that greasy hair/smell/interest in sex, masterbation, were all healthy normal things that all children of that age go through.

    I think the best thing to do would be to give him space (after explaining the hormones to him properly), reassure him that you dont think he is gross for looking at !!!!!!, and make sure he knows he can go to you or his dad.

    Good luck- its a hard one to figure out!!

    I agree with this, but would also add that my son found it very helpful when I explained that he could talk to another responsible adult -it didn't have to be me or his dad (some things seem too embarrassing) - in his case, on at least one occasion, he talked to his church Youth Leader about something that was worrying him. My son told me he'd talked to him, but not what about. I asked him if it had helped and he said yes. My son is now 32 and I don't know from that day to this what they talked about, I'm just glad there was someone he felt he could talk to.

    This advice was prompted when a young man I know committed suicide because he felt (wrongly, but that's how he felt), that he could not talk to his parents about a problem. I wanted to drum it into my son that even if he was too scared/embarrassed to speak to us, he could always talk to someone like a teacher or, in his case, the Youth Worker. The important part is talking it over with a trusted adult rather than keeping it all locked inside.

    Hope this helps.
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • pukkamum
    pukkamum Posts: 3,944 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Thank you everyone I have ordered him a book but have also reiterated that the feelings he has are normal and just his hormones.
    He went out swimming on his own with friends yesterday and loved it, he said he felt very grown up and he was back to his happy self again (for now, under no illusions!).

    DH and I are trying to make being older than his sisters a good thing for him ie we are letting watch films with us with a slightly more adult theme and we have set him up a bank account with card access.

    He had a big crying jag on Saturday night and i must say DH was a bit sharp with him (it was 12midnight and he was in danger of waking the younger girls) DH told him he was going to have to calm down and stop getting hysterical over things he cannot change otherwise he would end up ill.
    This did seem to help, son told me the day after it made him think he was being a bit silly and he seemed a lot happier, so I think perhaps our softly softly approach was making it worse.
    I don't get nearly enough credit for not being a violent psychopath.
  • kathy206
    kathy206 Posts: 1,438 Forumite
    Wilma33 wrote: »
    I'm sure he just deletes the dodgy pages. Any 12 year olds knows that deleting the whole lot is way too obvious ;)

    :rotfl::rotfl: Probably lol xx
    Nuts oh Hazelnuts:rotfl:
  • kathy206
    kathy206 Posts: 1,438 Forumite
    Like I said my eldest is nearly 15 and we have all sorts of "Kevin" moments with him. He admits afterwards he know exactly that he isn't helping himself by moaning and slamming about but he just can't stop himself at times from trying to get the last word (only me allowed to do that in our house lol :p)
    It's pretty crap being a teenager I think. I can remember feeling pretty lonely at times as a teen and I had (and still have) a good relationship with my parents. When he was in his teens my hubby said the worse thing was a couple of lads bringing in a couple of old nudey mags and passing them around at breaktime at school, and sitting through "Creepshow" "Nightmare on Elm Street" and "Salem's Lot" scared out your wits to keep up with your mates. These days it's a whole new ball game with phones, internet and portable media so kids are bombarded with images and sexualisation on the TV.
    Nuts oh Hazelnuts:rotfl:
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 454.2K Spending & Discounts
  • 245.1K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 600.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 177.4K Life & Family
  • 258.9K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.