Friend weirdness

PasturesNew

What was the reason she wanted you out? Is there a clue there why she's hard to contact?

Saturnalia

PasturesNew wrote: »

What was the reason she wanted you out? Is there a clue there why she's hard to contact?

Her boyfriend's tenancy was coming to an end and they decided he should move in and the flat isn't big enough for three (and much as I got on great with him seeing him as a visitor, I wouldn't want to live with a couple).

If you mean was there a falling-out between us, no, nothing like that, at least as far as I am aware. Unfortunately I tend to miss clues that others seem to pick up easily when dealing with people, so I'm racking my brains wondering if there was something I'd done to upset her. But there's nothing obvious - as far as I knew we parted on friendly terms with promises to visit each other regularly.

And LL really isn't the type to keep things under wraps - if she is upset with you she'll tell you where you went wrong in no ambiguous terms. You always know what she's thinking and feeling and where you stand with her. So this is just so confusing.

It's the second time in recent months (and I lose count of how many times over the years) that a person I was friends with has stopped speaking to me for no reason I can work out. I honestly don't know what I'm doing to upset people so much and I just wish they would tell me before ditching me, then I could apologise, try to change my behaviour, make an effort to save the friendship; or at least know not to do the wrong thing next time I liked someone. It's so awful to lose a friend, know it was your fault, not know why though and know that you'll end up doing whatever-it-was to the next person with the same end result.

Like I've said before, I just don't understand people. That part of my brain seems to be missing.

System

Extemporaneous wrote: »

Well, you asked for an opinion, here's mine.

I would read your former landlady's actions thus: she doesn't think much of you as a cat owner. She has 'offered' to take over care of the cat because she doesn't think you are going to look after it properly.

This would seem to be borne out by the fact that, although you say you have promised to meet the cost of the cat's food in exchange for 'visiting rights', you have let two months elapse without paying a penny, DESPITE living only two minutes away.

What possessed you to leave it so long? Don't you feel any responsibility to that animal? No wonder your landlady has published a snippy comment about you: I would, too!

There may well be extenuating circumstances you haven't mentioned; but, that's what it looks like on the surface of things.

I'm afraid this might not be the reply you were looking for; but, as a cat owner and lover myself, I would NEVER have acted the way you have. My sympathies are with the landlady who has been left with the care and cost of your discarded cat.

Please think carefully before entering into pet ownership again.

And the award for most OTT response goes to...

moodydonkey

Cat napping is an awful thing, I am guilty of it myself. Sorry for asking but have you been asking after puddy as soon as you moved out or was it just recently (two months later) that you have been asking and been ignored? Sorry, wasn't clear to me.
I looked after next doors cat when she was out partying and didn't come home. Then for 8 months when she was on 'holiday' even after her return I still look after him. In the coming months she will be gone and I expect taking 'her' cat with her.
You could clarify (I think) your involvement and maybe look at where puddy is best living at the moment. I agree with your previous comment about the pets needs being put first.

Sorry, that was just a waffle but I hope there are a few valid points in there somewhere!

terryw

Sensible older bloke here. You have got to see the lady LL face2face - it is obviously a misunderstanding which can be sorted quickly.

Great news on the non-smoking - keep going.

bw

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If I remember rightly, she was very depressed and negative about things, actively dragging you down at every turn.

Probably means things with the boyfriend aren't going so well and her existing illness means she isn't acting entirely reasonably.

I'd drop off some cat food. Leave a message on her FB 'been trying to get in contact with you about it for months but she hasn't responded to your many voicemails, so it's on the doorstep', give a month's notice on the contract, let her set up a new one herself (ie, don't get involved in transfers and the like) and shrug it off.

Oh, and block her on FB.

mrs_sparrow

Saturnalia wrote: »

I got a text off her a couple of days ago about the internet connection at hers, it's in my name and I haven't had it cut off yet, obviously I'll have to get the supplier to switch it into her name and take the payments from her instead, so she'll need to speak to them to set up the payments, right? And we haven't been in the same room at the same time since I moved!

The next day, she put a message on my facebook (publicly) about me ignoring her text and that I haven't supplied any cat food for two months.

So you have been paying for broadband and you do not live there (which she admits on text) and she is asking for you to buy cat food?

Have you asked her for the money for broadband?

I'd just turn up on the off chance she is there. And take your cat back. And either she gets used to being on her own or you get another to keep her company.

Saturnalia

I walked around tonight but the lights were off and the windows shut. And if she isn't expecting a visitor she won't answer the door and will watch to see who it is as they walk back down the path. So if this isn't just a misunderstanding and she doesn't want to see me, she won't.

Moodydonkey: I've been calling at least weekly for two months, except for the week I was out of town.

I sent a "hi, how are you doing" text last week and got a brief reply (about a cat two doors down, nothing about her!) so if she is getting texts she should be getting voicemails - I'd think? I don't really want to get into this through texts though as you know how it is with texts, there's no tone of voice and they always sound abrupt and stupid misunderstandings blow up.

Jojo: You do remember her rightly! Funnily enough that was my mum's suggestion too, that all wasn't well with the boyfriend and I'm copping it or that she's miffed I moved out so quickly (you see she gave me 3 months notice, I went to view this house within a few days and was moved in under a fortnight!) as she's lost 2.5 months rent. But I don't understand how #1 pertains to me at all and as for #2, she told me to move out and I did. What was I supposed to do, nothing for 10 weeks then panic for 2?

I think that is what I will do with the internet connection. I was thinking practically, that it would be easier to switch names than to cut it off and reconnect it. But it isn't feasible to do that. And the cost of the two months' internet connection she's had paid for by me covers the cost of the two months' cat food.

TBH, I miss the cat a lot more than I do her.

juliebunny

And this is why I'm not on facebook!

How cowardly a way to communicate is that....sounds to me like she is planning to keep your cat but I'm not sure if the cat really is better off with her if she's away every weekend - you used to look after them, who is now?

Unfortunately whilst pets can be a lifeline during depression, a lot of animal are also very neglected by owners will mental illness. Which camp does she fall into?

Saturnalia

Well she definitely loves the cats and gives them lots of affection, but it was always me who got out of bed to feed them and did the practical stuff. In fact she'd volunteer to go in next door to feed the neighbours' cats while they were away, but I'd always get saddled with it instead.

I hope that now if the boyf has moved in that she's home more. Although if not, most houses on the street had cats and the cats came in and out of each other's homes all the time, so the cats will be getting fed at least.