Friend weirdness

Saturnalia

Oh this is just so confusing. I don't understand people at all, so hopefully some of you lovely folk could help?

I used to lodge with a landlady. I moved out 2 months ago and she volunteered to keep my cat there (she has 3 others of her own that mine is settled with) as I couldn't take her to the new house.

It was landlady who needed the room back, so not my decision to move out. Our agreement was that I could visit anytime and I'd buy the food for my cat.

Except after I moved out, she stopped taking my calls. I've been trying approx once a week to ring her and get voicemail every time, and no reply. I've no idea what is going on but clearly she wants nothing to do with me.

I got a text off her a couple of days ago about the internet connection at hers, it's in my name and I haven't had it cut off yet, obviously I'll have to get the supplier to switch it into her name and take the payments from her instead, so she'll need to speak to them to set up the payments, right? And we haven't been in the same room at the same time since I moved!

The next day, she put a message on my facebook (publicly) about me ignoring her text and that I haven't supplied any cat food for two months.

I don't get it! She's ignoring my calls. I'm trying to make arrangements to go round to see the cat (and her!) and never get any reply! What am I supposed to do here?

nickyhutch

Have you got the right number for her? Can you not just call round? Did you reply to the Facebook message?

Pink.

Facebook rears it's ugly head again! Just go round to see her armed with some cat food and sort it out.....

tyllwyd

The first thing to check is whether your voicemail messages are getting through to her. Why don't you buy a big box of cat food and flowers, and turn up on the doorstep?

Saturnalia

Well, the number I've been calling is the same one as her text (on Weds) came from so it must be the right one - I was wondering about that myself.

I have thought about going and knocking on the door - she lives a couple of minutes away - but she is out all of every weekend and most evenings, that's why I've been trying to call to arrange a time to visit. But I think tonight I will just turn up and knock.

I haven't replied - I felt like saying "you have ignored every attempt I've made to contact you over the last two months. Including my call last night. Your move next" but I don't see the point in getting into a Facebook spat, tempting though it is!

nickyhutch

Saturnalia wrote: »

I have thought about going and knocking on the door - she lives a couple of minutes away - but she is out all of every weekend and most evenings, that's why I've been trying to call to arrange a time to visit. But I think tonight I will just turn up and knock.

For goodness' sake - get round there!

Also - if she's out all weekend, who's looking after the cats?

Mojisola

Saturnalia wrote: »

Well, the number I've been calling is the same one as her text (on Weds) came from so it must be the right one - I was wondering about that myself.

I have thought about going and knocking on the door - she lives a couple of minutes away - but she is out all of every weekend and most evenings, that's why I've been trying to call to arrange a time to visit. But I think tonight I will just turn up and knock.

I haven't replied - I felt like saying "you have ignored every attempt I've made to contact you over the last two months. Including my call last night. Your move next" but I don't see the point in getting into a Facebook spat, tempting though it is!

If you go round and she isn't in, send a message through Facebook but what's wrong with being conciliatory - "Really sorry - I've been texting you but it doesn't sound as if you've been getting my messages. I've got the cat food here and can call round as soon as we can arrange a time".

tea_lover

I'd call round. Take some paper with you and if she's not in push a note through the door.

Extemporaneous

Well, you asked for an opinion, here's mine.

I would read your former landlady's actions thus: she doesn't think much of you as a cat owner. She has 'offered' to take over care of the cat because she doesn't think you are going to look after it properly.

This would seem to be borne out by the fact that, although you say you have promised to meet the cost of the cat's food in exchange for 'visiting rights', you have let two months elapse without paying a penny, DESPITE living only two minutes away.

What possessed you to leave it so long? Don't you feel any responsibility to that animal? No wonder your landlady has published a snippy comment about you: I would, too!

There may well be extenuating circumstances you haven't mentioned; but, that's what it looks like on the surface of things.

I'm afraid this might not be the reply you were looking for; but, as a cat owner and lover myself, I would NEVER have acted the way you have. My sympathies are with the landlady who has been left with the care and cost of your discarded cat.

Please think carefully before entering into pet ownership again.

gettingready

As a cat owner (x4) I would have even left cat food on the doorstep if she was not in/not returning my sms/calls. And would not wait 2 months for that.

Saturnalia

Extemporaneous wrote: »

Well, you asked for an opinion, here's mine.

I would read your former landlady's actions thus: she doesn't think much of you as a cat owner. She has 'offered' to take over care of the cat because she doesn't think you are going to look after it properly.

This would seem to be borne out by the fact that, although you say you have promised to meet the cost of the cat's food in exchange for 'visiting rights', you have let two months elapse without paying a penny, DESPITE living only two minutes away.

What possessed you to leave it so long? Don't you feel any responsibility to that animal? No wonder your landlady has published a snippy comment about you: I would, too!

There may well be extenuating circumstances you haven't mentioned; but, that's what it looks like on the surface of things.

I'm afraid this might not be the reply you were looking for; but, as a cat owner and lover myself, I would NEVER have acted the way you have. My sympathies are with the landlady who has been left with the care and cost of your discarded cat.

Please think carefully before entering into pet ownership again.

Is that why I'd get left every weekend with all 4 cats then, because I'm that rubbish at caring for them?

She offered to take care of the cat after we discussed this together. My cat lives with her mother, brother and the 4th cat, is used to being in the group and happy where she is - it's what she has known from birth. Here, she wouldn't have other cats around and wouldn't have outdoor access, at LL's she can go out the flap as she likes. We both thought it much better for her welfare to stay where she is comfortable.

Yes I'd love to bring her here and have her with me but I don't think it would be good for her to take her from the other cats. (Again, I'm obviously such a dreadful person for putting the pet before my wants.) And at the time LL and I decided together to keep the two kittens I had no idea I'd have to move out so soon - had I known I would have let LL find a home for her (plenty of her friends keep cats and wanted one of the kittens). So I did think carefully about entering into pet ownership, but circumstances changed 12 months on in a way I didn't foresee (and neither did LL actually).

And I haven't let two months elapse. I have been trying to call LL at least once a week and leaving messages about coming round for a cuppa, catch-up and see the cat, and I would have brought supplies with me (cat food and some dinner & wine for the two of us) had she got back to me and said, yeah come over at 7 - but she never has, for two months.

I'm missing the cat, I'm missing my mate, and I haven't got the faintest idea what is going on. Oh yes, and someone on the internet is accusing me of animal abuse.