The Great 'What you wish you'd known when you had a baby' Hunt 2012

*Ro*

We have a lovely 9 month old boy

Here's my list !

- prior to birth check you know how to use tens machine if using.

- oh is responsible for ensuring new mum gets appropriate food post birth and enough to drink, mini packets of cereal/rice milk cartons were my saviour as nhs food was not enough for the smallest of mice!

- feeding can be stressful plus worry when they drop weight (which they do but u don't want too much drop), they need feeding lots when little which is hard work ! If uncomfortable after birth due to stitches etc get a valley cushion. I came home with good pain relief meds too but wish I had taken up the other end relief ones too....

- if you do use bottles there are 30,000 ways of dealing with preparation which all don't necessarily follow guidance... I tried 28,000....

- we had to combo feed after first week as LO dropped too much, it's not often talked about but is an option if bf is not working fully. Feeding is a controversial issue just do want you both want/works for you.

- a mini fridge, extra kettle upstairs in spare room is very handy.

- a jug with water and food near you is handy as u have no time in the early days.

- you will fight over the warm dressing gowns, make sure you have spares !

- for a changing stations which I have one upstairs and down I use a large drawer (I bought big white underbed size sturdy ones) and place them the wrong way round on a chest of drawers. The lip prevents the drawer from sliding. Obviously I don't leave LO unattended in it. But I still change him now like this as it saves your back.

- anything to save your back is worth it, check Moses, cot height raise if necessary.

- jumperoos should be given free to all new parents, fab when they are big enough for them, great for exercise, keeping them safe whilst you do things.

Right enough rambling LO has woken !!

*Ro*

.. Oh forgot to mention we have a very friendly newborn thread on MSE

*Ro*

sharrison01 wrote: »

Firstly, many congratulations and rest assured that no matter how difficult a day may be as a parent it is far more enjoyable and worthwhile than any day you have subsequently had before becoming a parent.

Now, as the father of a 9 month old daughter, these are my thoughts on this topic...

- Lots of people, from health visitors/midwives to little old ladies in the street will offer their pearls of wisdom. Listen to them all but use your gut feeling! (which will be there when you need it)

-NHS staff are truly wonderful but they are constrained by NHS guidelines which may or may not be right for you. Again, listen to them as their thoughts are invaluable but make your own mind up and do not be afraid to disagree with them (health service guidelines in other countries differ to the NHS proving there is not just one way)

-Breast feeding (Ahh!!!). On an MSE point of view, breast is best - it is free to start with, with you at all times (makes holidays much simpler!) and helps mum with her weight loss (cheaper than the gym). The reality is that it is very demanding and difficult and the most important thing is that you should not feel pressured to do it! A happy mother that gets proper rest and can look after herself is better than one running herself into the ground to breastfeed - do what is best for your family, not just the baby.

- Visitors are a nightmare, from your close family to people that you would put more as an acquaintance than a friend. Your baby should come first and foremost and if they do not want visitors (because they are tired or sleeping) then you should not have visitors. The same applies to visiting people/places.

-Do not forget that babies are people like the rest of us. I do not want to be prodded, poked, passed from person to person, subjected to loud noises, hot, cold and most of all disturbed while I am sleeping. Your baby does not want to either.

-You will mess up, from putting the nappy on wrong and everything ending up everywhere to going out without a vital necessity - this is okay! You are not perfect and never will be and forgetting a favourite toy will not mean the difference between your child getting in to Oxbridge or not.

- A baby feeling loved and safe is far more important than anything else in the first year or two. Developmental toys are great for ticking boxes on the developmental checklist but this is a parent issue not a baby one so don't worry if your child is behind the "curve" and don't gloat if your child is in front of the "curve." They all get there in the end - it's not as if there are 40 year olds out there crawling and gurgling their way through a board meeting!

- Be a team! You will both be exhausted at times but giving each other a break makes the world of difference. We have a routine where every Saturday morning I get up early with our daughter and we sit in the kitchen batch cooking her food for the week (more applicable to when they are on solids) while mum has a lie in. You will both love your children regardless of what they do but a marriage/relationship will always need work because it is a choice and any little thing you can do to show that you still care for your partner will make for a happier home for your baby.

-Most important of all...ENJOY IT! Having a child is the single most rewarding thing you will ever do and what may be tiring or difficult at the time will only be remembered in a good light. The hours spent at silly o'clock in the morning feeding while you are pretty much asleep will be replaced by the memory of the times that they snuggle into you, happy that you have just fed them!

fab post !

originalkat

Congratulations and good luck to Martin and Mrs MSE.
I loved the posts, all brilliant advice.My tip would be whether you are expecting your first baby or already have children, take a first aid course, it will give you a massive boost to your confidence. (Ideally I would like to see compulsory first aid courses in schools but I can't see that happening)
I used the door sign idea as a loud sudden noise will often wake a baby (or me!) but didn't insist on silence when baby slept as I thought they needed to get used to background noise.
Definitely agree with not needing to spend hours taking babies to different places, wearing yourself out in the process.
Absolutely gutted I never thought of putting a phone number in baby shoes in case they fell off, I lost count of the number of odd shoes I had! Just goes to prove you can always learn something even with 5 children and 9 grandchildren.

cali95014

This is going to sound silly but never underestimate how much you will love your child. And you cannot understand how much you will love that child until it arrives, and it hits you!
When I was leaving the hospital for the first time with my first born, I sat in the foyer waiting for my OH to bring the car around and i just burst into tears. It wasn't the thought of bring this little dependent, squirming child home or the fact that the drugs and adrenaline had worn off or even that I had had no sleep the previous night but that i had only realised at that point that I was completely in love. In the change of the second hand on a clock, I realised that i would do anything for this child, that I would give anything and live without anything to ensure that my child could have the best life that I could give it. ( I knew this during pregnancy but it was just so different having my child in front of me.)

Trying to explain this is other people, particularly my younger siblings who haven't even thought about settling down let alone having children, was simply not possible. So when people joke about you being over protective, too anxious, too precious, or telling you to stop worrying, they simply do not understand your love for your child. Ignore them. Gut feeling counts for everything in those first few years.

Also MSE, if you end up work from home for a few days due to bad weather, listen to your OH:- your child is fine and simply asleep. DO NOT POKE THEM TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE STILL ALIVE. Your child will scream and your OH will not be amused, especially the fourth time around!

Good luck and have fun; its an amazing time and time will go by much quicker than anything else you will have ever experienced.

golddustmedia

Brand new "2012" version of the travel system I just bought = £650.

2nd hand version of the same thing = £120 :rotfl:

The only difference is the colour!

The company release new colour schemes each year and kill off the old colour to make it look like somekind of limited deal or equivalent of a new number plate.

Fact is as funky as a lime green and blue colour scheme may look in the brochure by the time its been used for 6 months and got a bit grubby you'll be wishing you'd bought plain black.

I know it's nice to have all new things, but any pushchair will look a bit worn by the time it's been in and out of the car boot a few times, so save a small fortune as well as the environment by buying 2nd hand.

Fact is it's the little person IN the pram that everyone looks at, so ignore the peer pressure to be in fashion and jazz a plain pram up with a £5 new blanket instead.

golddustmedia

Chopsie&Chelvis wrote: »

Ours used to be free, then began encouraging 'voluntary donations' (I don't mind, but holding the jar under your nose and saying 'you haven't donated yet, have you?' doesn't feel "voluntary"), and now they charge for the popular sessions. It's a shame, because it puts off the parents who probably need it most

My wife works at our local childrens centre, whilst it sounds like your experience was a little in your face I do have to say that many childrens centres get less funding than they cost to run, so a little help to keep things running is needed. Likewise many staff are either volunteers or on a low wage.

To keep it in perspective though, the parent & toddler cooking session is only £1 (most sessions are only £1) and that just about covers the cost of the ingredients plus you get to take your cookery home with you.

However other services like free internet access, financial & benefits advice and childrens book borrowing still make the centre an excellent facility with virtually no cost. It's possible to attend a session at our local one almost every day with only a couple charged - so maybe a total of £3 in a week.

Don't forget that Dads are also welcome and they even run some specific Dad & child sessions as Dads can end up uncatered for in many other places!

Aimless

Don't assume you'll be inundated with first size clothes... most of the stuff we were given was next size up or bigger, and there wasn't that much of it.

If you think you'll be having a big baby, don't wash tons of brand new clothes. I bought a few newborn bits secondhand to wash ready, but no new ones, as I had a feeling I would have a giant! If they're still in the packet you can swap them. Same goes for nappies.

Also don't assume you'll get lots of offers of help... if I need something, I have to ask.

Don't get too obsessed with routine. Some people get the babies who don't sleep, and if you do, then there's not much you can do. I've had two like that.

Gra76

A few points from having 3 mini-me's. 7yrs, 4yrs and 20 months at the moment! Some of these have likely been covered already but I don't have time to scrutinise the previous 6 pages!

Don't be suckered into buying expensive designer baby clothes. By the time your baby grows out of it (which won't be long) you'll wonder why you didn't buy cheap clothing. If you must have deigner clothes (like my very spoilt sis-in-laws baby) then get other people to buy it! Also, on that note, eBay is great for buying and selling baby clothes. Second hand clothes are barely second hand in many cases as the babies grow out of them so quickly you'll often find many items that have been worn only a few times, maybe not at all in some cases.

Eat your pride when people offer to buy things for your baby. On our own birthdays for a number of years neither myself or my wife were particularly fussed about getting presents so we'd ask people to buy baby clothes or put £5 or £10 towards some toys for the kids.

Some nappies are better than others. Don't compomise on quality nappies. We tried some cheap nappies and they were awful. Also, some babies suit one brand of nappies better than others. For instance, my eldest seemed to fit Huggies perfectly, but when we used the same nappies for the middle child we'd end up with poop everywhere as for some reason they didn't fit him well at all. He was a Pampers baby in the end and so is the youngest! When you find a brand that your baby fits well into don't change it....My wife has tried other brands but always regrets it.

Don't under-estimate the cost of childcare...it's not cheap so factor this into budget plans.

My wife would be able to give dozens more tips but as she doesn't frequent the board I may ask her for a few more tips!

Alias_Omega

Be prepared to purchase a Fisher Price Rainforrest Baby Swing, and solder a 6v transformer onto the battery contacts.

Ideal if baby wont sleep for more than 3 hrs during the night, with the swing on setting 1..a good 8 hours..