The Great 'What you wish you'd known when you had a baby' Hunt 2012

Racheldevon

Register with your local sure start children's center - every community has access to their services, and they are free from the antenatal period through to the child's 5th birthday.

Lots of groups/activities/services from baby groups, to short here's looking at you baby courses, baby massage, breastfeeding support, family support services, post natal depression groups, counselling service, and lots of other groups as the children get older.

Chopsie&Chelvis

Racheldevon wrote: »

Register with your local sure start children's center - every community has access to their services, and they are free from the antenatal period through to the child's 5th birthday.

Ours used to be free, then began encouraging 'voluntary donations' (I don't mind, but holding the jar under your nose and saying 'you haven't donated yet, have you?' doesn't feel "voluntary"), and now they charge for the popular sessions. It's a shame, because it puts off the parents who probably need it most

sharrison01

Firstly, many congratulations and rest assured that no matter how difficult a day may be as a parent it is far more enjoyable and worthwhile than any day you have subsequently had before becoming a parent.

Now, as the father of a 9 month old daughter, these are my thoughts on this topic...

- Lots of people, from health visitors/midwives to little old ladies in the street will offer their pearls of wisdom. Listen to them all but use your gut feeling! (which will be there when you need it)

-NHS staff are truly wonderful but they are constrained by NHS guidelines which may or may not be right for you. Again, listen to them as their thoughts are invaluable but make your own mind up and do not be afraid to disagree with them (health service guidelines in other countries differ to the NHS proving there is not just one way)

-Breast feeding (Ahh!!!). On an MSE point of view, breast is best - it is free to start with, with you at all times (makes holidays much simpler!) and helps mum with her weight loss (cheaper than the gym). The reality is that it is very demanding and difficult and the most important thing is that you should not feel pressured to do it! A happy mother that gets proper rest and can look after herself is better than one running herself into the ground to breastfeed - do what is best for your family, not just the baby.

- Visitors are a nightmare, from your close family to people that you would put more as an acquaintance than a friend. Your baby should come first and foremost and if they do not want visitors (because they are tired or sleeping) then you should not have visitors. The same applies to visiting people/places.

-Do not forget that babies are people like the rest of us. I do not want to be prodded, poked, passed from person to person, subjected to loud noises, hot, cold and most of all disturbed while I am sleeping. Your baby does not want to either.

-You will mess up, from putting the nappy on wrong and everything ending up everywhere to going out without a vital necessity - this is okay! You are not perfect and never will be and forgetting a favourite toy will not mean the difference between your child getting in to Oxbridge or not.

- A baby feeling loved and safe is far more important than anything else in the first year or two. Developmental toys are great for ticking boxes on the developmental checklist but this is a parent issue not a baby one so don't worry if your child is behind the "curve" and don't gloat if your child is in front of the "curve." They all get there in the end - it's not as if there are 40 year olds out there crawling and gurgling their way through a board meeting!

- Be a team! You will both be exhausted at times but giving each other a break makes the world of difference. We have a routine where every Saturday morning I get up early with our daughter and we sit in the kitchen batch cooking her food for the week (more applicable to when they are on solids) while mum has a lie in. You will both love your children regardless of what they do but a marriage/relationship will always need work because it is a choice and any little thing you can do to show that you still care for your partner will make for a happier home for your baby.

-Most important of all...ENJOY IT! Having a child is the single most rewarding thing you will ever do and what may be tiring or difficult at the time will only be remembered in a good light. The hours spent at silly o'clock in the morning feeding while you are pretty much asleep will be replaced by the memory of the times that they snuggle into you, happy that you have just fed them!

System

Two things i wish i had known when i had my children.

Newborn girls sometimes have a slight 'period'. Its down to the Mothers hormones apparently. I thought i'd stuck a nappy pin in my first daughter. Luckily we were still in hospital when it happened and it was explained to me... but the blind panic was immense.:o

Newborn boys sometimes leak milk out of their breasts. This happened with my first son. Again we were both still in hospital and again it was explained it was because of my hormones.

It never happened to my subsequent newborn babies.

Slightly off on a tangent. When i had my miscarriage i wish i had been told i would still produce milk. Losing the baby was bad enough but producing milk for it was unexpected, unexplained and i hated my body for it.:mad:

JimmyTheWig

sharrison01 wrote: »

Now, as the father of a 9 month old daughter, these are my thoughts on this topic...

I think this post is one of the best on the thread. I suggest everyone (especially dads-to-be) read it.
Our eldest is coming up for 9 years (9 months old seems like a lifetime ago!) but pretty much everything said here is still applicable, in its own way.

barbiedoll

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Fair enough. I was thinking of a nappy change after feeding. Was always my job to take the baby back to their crib after my wife had fed them in bed. In which case I'd change a nappy then.

^^^ This is excellent advice......thanks Jimmy!:D

One of the most frequent complaints in the early days is that the baby won't settle in their cot or crib. It seems that babies won't settle if they're being held by their mum as they can still smell the milk, even bottlefed babies will associate their mum with food. We always recommend that dad (or anyone else if he's not around) takes the baby away from mum for a few minutes, settles the baby and then puts them in the crib to sleep. It really does work!

tea_lover

sharrison01 wrote: »

Firstly, many congratulations and rest assured that no matter how difficult a day may be as a parent it is far more enjoyable and worthwhile than any day you have subsequently had before becoming a parent.

Because heaven forbid anyone without children would ever do anything worthwhile with their days.

sharrison01

tea_lover wrote: »

Because heaven forbid anyone without children would ever do anything worthwhile with their days.

I believe that you have misread my comments as I am stating that a day with your child is more worthwhile than any day without your child in the context of your own life.

This is obviously only my opinion and makes absolutely no reference to anybody without children but I appreciate how constructive your comments are, particularly within the context and tone of the rest of this topic.

clairmelville

I'm not sure if the scheme is available in England or not, but there is a minor ailments service in Scotland where you can get many simple medicines such as paracetamol and teething gel over the counter at a named chemist for free. I have lost count of the things I have gotten through this service (especially when you think the teething gel costs £2+ every time).

Second hand clothes are great as I have a pile of clothes that my four month old daughter has grown out of (she's now in 6-9 months being such a big girl) and many of the clothes she only wore once or twice. They are going to a charity shop soon and I would expect that anything I bought there would be in the same condition.

Think very carefully about a moses basket as I found mines noisy and only used it for a few months, they are selling on ebay for less than half the price I paid for it new. I have friends who got a cot with one side missing for next to the bed, or a swinging crib which is a bit bigger than the basket.

And finally beware that as a new mum getting out will mean you will spend LOADS on coffee in cafes. Can't say I'm very money saving with this, but now I know I do it I am more aware and try to do other things.

hotcrossbunny

When your pregnant complete strangers come up to you and touch your stomach and then when your baby is born,complete strangers come up to your baby and touch it's face! Get a big supply of wipes!