I feel a bit mean...

anxious_mum

Tiglath wrote: »

I'd say £7/day for having lunch stuff on hand, storing his possessions, having his laundry done, and a hot meal if he wants it is a pretty good deal - can I come and live with you please?

Yep, no dogs or cats though, and you have to have the small room, because I've promised the big one to youngest DS!

nickj_2

i would let him cook his own meals ,he might then appreciate what you do for him a bit more , it only takes a phone call or text to say i don't need feeding tonight , tell him that you need housekeeping money and that he should be sharing costs with his girlfriend as well . welcome him to the real world , it's tough out there

Fire_Fox

Why are you continuing to cook for him when he is an adult and it ends up in the bin? Maybe switch to letting him ring you. Either continue to charge board or he can move out and you can take in a lodger.

anxious_mum

Its difficult FireFox..He works from 2:00pm until 9:00pm, so by the time he gets home, if he gets here, it's after 10:00pm. I cook the tea at around 6:00pm..I never know if he's going to be around, so I make some for him too. Between me and the dog not a lot gets wasted, I have a freezer full of good meals that I have for lunch, or that I bring out for DS when he appears.

I go to bed at around 10:00pm as I work full time, so I wouldn't want him to start cooking at that time of night. I want him to have a freshly meal cooked available so I make one for him.....

He's kind of in an inbetween place at the moment

POPPYOSCAR

Careful he might move in with the GF and then you will not get anything!!

Seriously though, I think to save some of it up for him is a great idea.

patchwork_cat

I assume that you are not £350 out of pocket now you no longer receive maintenance as presumably you gave some of this to your son or bought him clothes etc.

What a lot of parents in this situation do is, if you can afford it, put the money away for your DS for a deposit on a house etc.

anxious_mum

patchwork_cat wrote: »

I assume that you are not £350 out of pocket now you no longer receive maintenance as presumably you gave some of this to your son or bought him clothes etc.

What a lot of parents in this situation do is, if you can afford it, put the money away for your DS for a deposit on a house etc.

Exactly, Patchwork Cat, any maintenance I received I spent on my son, so when it stopped it then became his problem to clothe himself. But even so, £350 out of the budget, although manageable for me, is a lot. I can';t say that the whole lot went on my son, I must have put some towards bills. But, I think putting some aside for him out of his board is the right answer.

cottonhead

I personally wouldnt charge my kids for living in the family home. He is a teenager and just starting out in life, its not as though he has left for years and come back or is 35 and still living there so that he doenst have to spend his own money. I think its a parents job to support their children. If he offered to give you some money then fair enough that he is being considerate, but at 19 I would hope he would enjoy some of his money and also make plans for the future - perhaps start saving for a house deposit. Must add though that I also think its the childrens job to care for the oldies when the time comes, so he should be there for you financially and emotionally if you need him in later life ! I would speak to him about the dinner thing. Its not fair for you to go to the effort of cooking for it to go to waste.

lostinrates

anxious_mum wrote: »

Its difficult FireFox..He works from 2:00pm until 9:00pm, so by the time he gets home, if he gets here, it's after 10:00pm. I cook the tea at around 6:00pm..I never know if he's going to be around, so I make some for him too. Between me and the dog not a lot gets wasted, I have a freezer full of good meals that I have for lunch, or that I bring out for DS when he appears.

I go to bed at around 10:00pm as I work full time, so I wouldn't want him to start cooking at that time of night. I want him to have a freshly meal cooked available so I make one for him.....

He's kind of in an inbetween place at the moment

The pressure of you cooking fresh for him might actually be adding to his stress while he is twixt and tween.

Do you have a microwave, the meals that you have cooked, can he re heat?

Fwiw, tonight my dh will also be home at about ten. We will then cook a quick meal together (because I will have driven to get him from the train station and we planned seafood for tonight, so I cannot leave it reasy to be warmed up.) we will probably be eating about 45 mins after getting home. My husband started work at eight am, not 2pm. So I feel somewhat mean, but that's what happens with unavoidable schedules (he was meant to be home by eight so we would have eaten at nine but work over ran, but we are used to this, and he considers this a normal day). In London mon to thurs he works longer days. And still has to feed himself as he has no one there to provide for him. That's the probalem with being an adult, even in a relationship sometimes you have to grab supper alone in the middle of the night. It doesn't have to be cordon bleu, a sandwich loaded with salad leaves for veg if you are about to go to bed is fine, if you ate well at breakfast and lunch. This is the sort of thing grown ups need to do.

No harm in leaving food he can heat up though, in fact, lovely of you. Soup, stew, chilli for example heats on the hob in minutes.

BitterAndTwisted

Fifty quid a week is a pittance for what he gets, so keep on charging him and stop feeling guilty about it. He's got at least four times that left over to spend on himself. Do you have anything near that much to yourself after you've paid your travel expenses to get to work? And I'd be leaving him something in the fridge so he can heat it up if he decides to show up after you've gone to bed.