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Nice people thread part 7 - a thread in its prime
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Nikkster
I spent some time yesterday with some people who either had written up, or were in the process of writing up, PhD theses while working a job. I remembered my experience of writing up while working, and I thought of you.
Thanks for your thoughts and words Lydia, What you say makes a lot of sense.
I'll try and cover all the points you mentioned. This might be a long post :eek:
How much I have done depends on which way the wind is blowing - sometimes if feels like more, other times less. I would estimate about 40-50%. Although e.g. the intro chapter I think I can cut-and-paste from another document and just update ('just' although there are a few years to catch up on!). I have at least got myself to realise that it doesn't need to be a work of perfection, just good enough. I also have a feeling that so long as it wasn't awful it would be passed.
How much time it would take - I have no idea. I have lost any concept of that. Depends on how productive the hours are.
Unfortunately, I don't think being rigid with my time will help me (yet). I have put a lot of things on hold 'until it is done', and just end up feeling deprived (still don't get writing done so should have just done whatever else anyway). I am enjoying feeling like I have a bit more of a life than I did in London, and I don't think I'm quite ready to cut it all back yet. House hunting - I'm not spending a lot of time doing it. I've still only been to look at 2 houses. Everything else in my life seems to finally be in the right place for buying, so if I do find 'the' house, I think it is the right time to go for it. I'm not in a hurry though. And I'm not purposefully looking for places which need major renovations!
That said, if/ when I get some momentum going, I know I will naturally focus on the writing. I've just found that starting off being rigid hasn't worked at all unfortunately. (I have devoted hundreds of hours to writing, and got very little done). Should I need it, I think work would be very supportive - and I have pretty much all of my annual leave which I could use if I wanted.
Acting decisively - I had some counselling before I left London (something I thought I would never do). Mainly because I didn't want to keep burdening my colleagues, but also as it would show the Uni I was seeking help. The main thing that helped was being advised to take control and leave work and ex before they could get rid of me, as a lot of the problems in those situations I was just a passenger for. It was incredibly powerful.
I have thought a LOT about whether I really want to do this or not. And am very fortunate that it seems to be entirely my choice as I have somehow ended up not relying on it for work (assuming I can hold onto current job, I think the work experience/ skills would more than make up for it). As an aside, current job involves a lot of the same fundamental science, so I can feel the confidence in my knowledge building (which was always a problem).
Things like possibility of losing all my data, finding out I am still enrolled remind me that I do still care, and I know that I don't want to say I'm going to leave it (but struggle to commit to say in I will finish). Its also silly things like I'm fed up of being the only person at a table without a PhD (in and out of work), and it's the most likely way of not being a Miss. any more :rotfl:
What you said was completely logical. It's just that I've reached a place with this one thing where I think I have got beyond logic!0 -
That is such a good question, LIR! DW's initial position was that she wouldn't come, but I could go on my own if I wanted to. So, I booked it and told her the dates.
"You'll be going away for a week without me!" So, not exactly whole-hearted support.
See......I know about wives. :rotfl:
I hope you have a fabulous time, A nice gift or a heartfelt love letter from Devon, perhaps with some of the reflexion time being on her importance to you might help her a lot.
It's really dark and cold here,wet more than damp, slate more than dove grey. Dh has repaired the fences that suffered in the high winds, and I have given the bathroom a proper clean. It's disgusting how long it's had to get by with a lick and a polish, I feel ashamed.
The back Landing has had ceilings, walls, floors vacuumed, now resting before cleaning the wood work and windows out there. One of the difficulties I am having is that I am not meant to bend down because of the pressure in my skull and after a while bent over skirtings/floors, anything at lower level really, my head starts to thump and fuzz up more than usual.0 -
That is such a good question, LIR! DW's initial position was that she wouldn't come, but I could go on my own if I wanted to. So, I booked it and told her the dates.
"You'll be going away for a week without me!" So, not exactly whole-hearted support.
Your wife is a fairly full-on practising Jew, isn't she, GDB? I'm not surprised she didn't want to go on a Buddhist retreat.A whole week :eek: That is "eek" in terms of how long I could spend in one of those places as well as contemplating being away for a week. If this is the first time at a retreat, I would think a week is a long time.
What silvercar said.
ETA And I love lir's suggestion of sending her something from Devon.Thanks for your thoughts and words Lydia, What you say makes a lot of sense.
...
What you said was completely logical. It's just that I've reached a place with this one thing where I think I have got beyond logic!
But what you say makes a lot of sense too. I can see that you've put a lot of thought into it. Please make use of anything that I said that was at all helpful, and ignore anything that doesn't fit.
You've done amazingly so far to take control of your life and sort out the man and job issues. From what you've just said, I think you probably will sort out the thesis issue too, and bring it to a successful conclusion, but you do whatever's best for you. You know that all the NP are on your side, whatever you decide to do about it, anyway. Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
Nikki, my 2 pennies worth.
1) It seems a shame to write off all the work you have done so far.
2) Although the Dr thang may not matter in your current role I can see you going far in future where those three letters might become career limiting - for example when you are asked to chair the royal commission on the decriminalisaton of drugs they probably won't choose you if you don't have it.
On the other hand when I finished studying (and still now) the thought of going back and doing any more, especially on top of working seems extremely far-fetched and I have nothing but admiration for the actuaries and accountants who do combine work with study.I think....0 -
I have been thinking about nikksters situation, and I plump for a quite 'mummy ish' attitude of suck it up and finish it. I would prioritise it over the house hunt ATM.
As you know, I dropped out before finishing and it hasn't mattered one jot, I don't regret that, but mainly because of what happened in my life afterwards, (A dodgy bloke was in my life at that time too).
However, I do feel that in expenditure terms, your investment ...finance, time and soul, have been considerable. This last bit really is the twenty in the eighty twenty percent situation, though I appreciate it doesn't feel like that. Would you drop out 80, or fifty, percent or your house deposit? Nope. Your health? Nope. Your career? I doubt it.
It's inevitably harder and harder to budget time for it the longer it drifts, but IMO you stand to regret more by not just getting to than you do letting it go.
Otoh, I would still think you are fab, what ever you choose to do. 0 -
A whole week :eek: That is "eek" in terms of how long I could spend in one of those places as well as contemplating being away for a week. If this is the first time at a retreat, I would think a week is a long time.
It's not a prison. If I don't like it, I'll leave early.
I'm intrigued by the Buddhist angle, Lydia, although I'm hoping the retreat is going to be more secular than religious. Now, I have to go just to find out!No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?0 -
That is such a good question, LIR! DW's initial position was that she wouldn't come, but I could go on my own if I wanted to. So, I booked it and told her the dates.
"You'll be going away for a week without me!" So, not exactly whole-hearted support.
Perhaps she didn't really think you would go through with it?
Another vote for lir's suggestion of sending something from Devon.0 -
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But what you say makes a lot of sense too. I can see that you've put a lot of thought into it. Please make use of anything that I said that was at all helpful, and ignore anything that doesn't fit.
You've done amazingly so far to take control of your life and sort out the man and job issues. From what you've just said, I think you probably will sort out the thesis issue too, and bring it to a successful conclusion, but you do whatever's best for you. You know that all the NP are on your side, whatever you decide to do about it, anyway.
I've put a ridiculous amount of thought into it - if only I could have translated that into typing about more useful things it wouldn't even be an issue! Your advice is brilliant, and its not a case of ignoring it - I just think I've been through that kind of a loop already and it didn't work for me.Nikki, my 2 pennies worth.
1) It seems a shame to write off all the work you have done so far.
2) Although the Dr thang may not matter in your current role I can see you going far in future where those three letters might become career limiting - for example when you are asked to chair the royal commission on the decriminalisaton of drugs they probably won't choose you if you don't have it.
On the other hand when I finished studying (and still now) the thought of going back and doing any more, especially on top of working seems extremely far-fetched and I have nothing but admiration for the actuaries and accountants who do combine work with study.
Of course you are right, there might be limits in the future. And even if there aren't formal limits now, it is still likely to subconsciouly affect how others deal with me (esp outside the organisation).lostinrates wrote: »I have been thinking about nikksters situation, and I plump for a quite 'mummy ish' attitude of suck it up and finish it. I would prioritise it over the house hunt ATM.
As you know, I dropped out before finishing and it hasn't mattered one jot, I don't regret that, but mainly because of what happened in my life afterwards, (A dodgy bloke was in my life at that time too).
However, I do feel that in expenditure terms, your investment ...finance, time and soul, have been considerable. This last bit really is the twenty in the eighty twenty percent situation, though I appreciate it doesn't feel like that. Would you drop out 80, or fifty, percent or your house deposit? Nope. Your health? Nope. Your career? I doubt it.
It's inevitably harder and harder to budget time for it the longer it drifts, but IMO you stand to regret more by not just getting to than you do letting it go.
Otoh, I would still think you are fab, what ever you choose to do.
lir - you are spot on. I really should just suck it up. I really want to. But its like there is a big invisible wall in the way and I can't work out how to get round it. I'm not sure whether I have damaged the wall enough to get through, but the only way to find out is to fling myself at it again.
Whatever happens, a few more months and you won't have to listen to me going on about it again! I do really appreciate your support, and it helps so much having somewhere to talk it through/ vent.0 -
Could you book a weeks leave, go to your parents and instruct them whatever you later say to the contrary they are to hassle you if you connect to the internet, go out or talk to anyone else and fail to produced 2000 words per day. Then sit down and just write whatever carp comes in to your head regardless of the quality which you will then find can be edited in to something passable fairly quickly even if it is not as good as your perfectionist streak would like to see.
This works for me although I don't have a perfectionist streak!I think....0
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