Nice people thread part 7 - a thread in its prime

Generali

vivatifosi wrote: »

I think she was stupid Gen. I don't know if I would have done the same - possibly - but I don't have kids. I would certainly have been annoyed and would probably be looking for ways to terminate her contract. I think I am less clinical than you, but that's not a bad thing on your point, trust me, I am the queen of procrastination.

Can you get another au pair easily?

Yes I can although it might take some time.

Au pairs get a 1 year visa but can only work 6 months for an employer so there are usually girls already over here looking for work. To get another person over from Europe will take time.

lostinrates

Generali wrote: »

As for the POSH ALERT, it's not really. You have a stranger sharing your house and it's a cheap form of childcare. It's less than before and after school care for example. It's very easy to underestimate the cost of kids if you don't have them

I never thought I would say this, but on this I sort of agree with pn. I had au pairs as a kid too, I know it's because they are cheapest childcare but it is also a mind set needed to opt for this, where opening your home is a logical return. I have it too, i'd have an au pair if we had kids, i would need the help realistically, it's not a critique, but, i do think it's a bit of a mind set that could be conflated with 'posh alert' just not the same way pastures normally uses the phrase ( I think, but I am not in her head! )


Eit...but you are not, IMO, an a hole.

Generali

lostinrates wrote: »

I would have let her go, but......a week is not long enough notice IMO. When you have a young au pair there is a small responsibility involved IMO....it's a mutually beenficial arrangement because these kids are young, inexperienced and not ready for much else.

If your kids c0cked up on the other side of the world from you at nineteen...you are man enough to know they need to take responsibility but, you would want them to have enough time to find somewhere safe after a teenaged panic.


I would find it hard now at my age to move, get more income etc within a week.

What is her situation with staying in oz with n placement?

We tossed that up. We are paying out her notice and have told her that if she needs the room for a little longer she can keep it. If she was going to leave to live in a cardboard box then we'd do something like see if she could stay with my in-Laws for a bit or something.

She really didn't help her cause by lying about her skills. We were very clear about what we wanted and I think she saw what she wanted and said what we wanted to hear. If she'd been amazing up until now and this was a one off then I think perhaps we'd have worn it.

Her visa remains valid and she is free to work in whatever capacity in which she can find employment although she can only work for 6 months for a single employer. Her English is appalling as she has sought out friends from her country of origin so I suspect she is unemployable.

As a condition of her visa she should have had a return plane ticket. Some people cash in the return end and I hope she hasn't done that for her sake because if she has then she's put herself in a very bad situation.

I understand that by taking a 19 y/o girl half way across the world I have a responsibility to her. We have continually tried to help her do a good job, including spending almost $300 on driving lessons to help her acquire a skill she told us she had. In the end she has to be able to do the job she's being paid for. Friday's shenanigans cost Mrs Generali half a days work and me about 5 hours of manual labour over the weekend. I can't afford for that to keep happening.

Generali

lostinrates wrote: »

I never thought I would say this, but on this I sort of agree with pn. I had au pairs as a kid too, I know it's because they are cheapest childcare but it is also a mind set needed to opt for this, where opening your home is a logical return. I have it too, i'd have an au pair if we had kids, i would need the help realistically, it's not a critique, but, i do think it's a bit of a mind set that could be conflated with 'posh alert' just not the same way pastures normally uses the phrase ( I think, but I am not in her head! )

Lots of friends and colleagues have said that they couldn't do the living with a stranger thing.

lostinrates wrote: »

Eit...but you are not, IMO, an a hole.

Thank you. Several people think I am but I think (hope) that most agree with you!!!

lostinrates

I meant critism not critique. The words are quite similar.

lostinrates

Generali wrote: »

Lots of friends and colleagues have said that they couldn't do the living with a stranger thing.


No, that's what I mean. People make different choices for different reasons. This is a fairly typical choice of the 'posh' (I really hate that word) because it suits the mindset of priority.



Thank you. Several people think I am but I think (hope) that most agree with you!!!

The one thing my mother didn't love about dh when we first met was that no body dis liked him. (he is not every bodies favourite person or friend, but he is hard to dislike, just peoe accept he is not their 'cup of tea' ) She felt it meant he must either be insincere or untrustworthy. Now sadistic boss hates him so he feels he has covered that base too.

lostinrates

Generali wrote: »

We tossed that up. We are paying out her notice and have told her that if she needs the room for a little longer she can keep it. If she was going to leave to live in a cardboard box then we'd do something like see if she could stay with my in-Laws for a bit or something.

She really didn't help her cause by lying about her skills. We were very clear about what we wanted and I think she saw what she wanted and said what we wanted to hear. If she'd been amazing up until now and this was a one off then I think perhaps we'd have worn it.

Her visa remains valid and she is free to work in whatever capacity in which she can find employment although she can only work for 6 months for a single employer. Her English is appalling as she has sought out friends from her country of origin so I suspect she is unemployable.

As a condition of her visa she should have had a return plane ticket. Some people cash in the return end and I hope she hasn't done that for her sake because if she has then she's put herself in a very bad situation.

I understand that by taking a 19 y/o girl half way across the world I have a responsibility to her. We have continually tried to help her do a good job, including spending almost $300 on driving lessons to help her acquire a skill she told us she had. In the end she has to be able to do the job she's being paid for. Friday's shenanigans cost Mrs Generali half a days work and me about 5 hours of manual labour over the weekend. I can't afford for that to keep happening.

If she has a driving license someone thought she could drive. Is she terrible or terrified? Does she realise her skill is not there? I think that lie is 'understandable' if legally she can. The cooking......it's perspective......plenty of people see cooking as heating up convenience food. She is learning that her ideas ( maybe those f her family) are nt everyone's. That is a tough and often painful learning curve. If her Mama, for example, dished up heated up food as 'supper' five days a week and expected thanks for cooking it can be quite a personal hurt to find out that other's don't feel the same.

She may well have used one set of pans and one cooker her entire life.


Understand: I am not defending her, and I do think you are right....but this transition to adulthood is not easy. I picked up battle scars along the way and the transition was more gradual for me than most, I think for many teens the realisation that white is not a pale shade of grey or that rather those pale shades of grey are different whites to different people, it can be very tough. Tougher far from home.

You have to let her go, bout you have to have 'grace' about it. Arranging accomodation in the interim is just that, good for you. That's why you are one of my heros.

PasturesNew

Interviewing the short-listed au pairs needs to include: driving Mr/Mrs G on a 5 mile round trip and cooking an omelette.

LIR is right about ideas. If you asked me if I could cook I'd say "yes" (I CAN!!), but expect them to be fed on egg/chips, beans on toast, cheese/potato pie, chicken pie/chips, giant yorkshires filled with sausages/mash/gravy ...... it's not that I couldn't cook the posh stuff you do, it's just I've never even eaten it/seen it done. And all those posh ingredients you use .... never used them, never bought them. Maybe she was intimidated in your big kitchen with strange foods whose labels were a mystery.

vivatifosi

The thing that surprises me the most Gen is that she lied about being able to drive. Australia has to be the single easiest place in the world to drive. The roads are nice and big and tend to be quite straight, the people generally polite and they don't do stupid stuff that you see in other countries like texting and driving at the same time, and the rules of the road are clearly laid out. Parking is generally pretty easy too (in that the spaces are a decent size).

I think Aussies are one of the best nationalities in the world in terms of driving skills, so the bar is pretty high. I quite like what you are not allowed to do in your car there - the rules are very much set to you drive, and you take that task seriously.

Generali

lostinrates wrote: »

If she has a driving license someone thought she could drive. Is she terrible or terrified? Does she realise her skill is not there? I think that lie is 'understandable' if legally she can. The cooking......it's perspective......plenty of people see cooking as heating up convenience food. She is learning that her ideas ( maybe those f her family) are nt everyone's. That is a tough and often painful learning curve. If her Mama, for example, dished up heated up food as 'supper' five days a week and expected thanks for cooking it can be quite a personal hurt to find out that other's don't feel the same.

She may well have used one set of pans and one cooker her entire life.


Understand: I am not defending her, and I do think you are right....but this transition to adulthood is not easy. I picked up battle scars along the way and the transition was more gradual for me than most, I think for many teens the realisation that white is not a pale shade of grey or that rather those pale shades of grey are different whites to different people, it can be very tough. Tougher far from home.

You have to let her go, bout you have to have 'grace' about it. Arranging accomodation in the interim is just that, good for you. That's why you are one of my heros.

She believes that she can't drive and having taken her out for a drive on day 2 of her being in Aus (my standard time to do it) I must say her driving is utterly terrifying. She has no idea where her passenger side wheels are, she doesn't know how wide the car is. She drove well above the speed limit in a narrow residential street and missed well over $250,000-worth of cars (1 Audi, 1 Merc, 1 Disco) by about an inch.

I'm not about to chuck a 19 y/o into the street. I don't think she's a thief and even if she was I still don't think I could do it. I've got insurance. I also couldn't see her hurting the kids in the night or something.

I'm not heroic, it's just the right thing to do. Mrs Generali would probably leave me if I even suggested it, not that I would. This is her home for now.

PasturesNew wrote: »

Interviewing the short-listed au pairs needs to include: driving Mr/Mrs G on a 5 mile round trip and cooking an omelette.

LIR is right about ideas. If you asked me if I could cook I'd say "yes" (I CAN!!), but expect them to be fed on egg/chips, beans on toast, cheese/potato pie, chicken pie/chips, giant yorkshires filled with sausages/mash/gravy ...... it's not that I couldn't cook the posh stuff you do, it's just I've never even eaten it/seen it done. And all those posh ingredients you use .... never used them, never bought them. Maybe she was intimidated in your big kitchen with strange foods whose labels were a mystery.

Even if she could do that we'd work a way around things. That is cooking of a sort. She's just clueless. She went on about this amazing lasagne she cooks and then spent $70 (£48) on ingredients and made flash fried mince with mostly raw pasta (didn't soak the pasta sheets, didn't bake for long enough). I still struggle to see how you can spend so little. I made a beef rib roast with all the trimmings and pudding plus also got about $10 of bathroom stuff and spent about half that today!

Our first au pair made some howlers in the kitchen (peeled a huge jacket-style spud and tried to boil it whole! After an hour I finally suggested fish and chips) but at least she learned. The worst thing about this girl is she simply doesn't listen. She says, "Yes" and then just carries on.

vivatifosi wrote: »

The thing that surprises me the most Gen is that she lied about being able to drive. Australia has to be the single easiest place in the world to drive. The roads are nice and big and tend to be quite straight, the people generally polite and they don't do stupid stuff that you see in other countries like texting and driving at the same time, and the rules of the road are clearly laid out. Parking is generally pretty easy too (in that the spaces are a decent size).

I think Aussies are one of the best nationalities in the world in terms of driving skills, so the bar is pretty high. I quite like what you are not allowed to do in your car there - the rules are very much set to you drive, and you take that task seriously.

I agree. I don't see how you can pass your test anywhere you are properly tested and not be able to drive in Aus.