Jealousy over Sister's pregnancy

Panda78

Amanda65 wrote: »

Sometimes these things just rumble along It's sounds as thoguh up until now it has been a good relationship and you've been happy but need to decide whether or not this will be enough for the next 30 or 40 years (or more!) Is your OH much older than you? And how old are his children now - could / would they 'come back' in the future? Silly of his wife to turn them against him - for what reason (Gosh aren't I nosey )

Finally, when I re-read my post in your quoted bit I realised I had typed 'God luck' Just to clarify that wan't a religious blessing, it was a typo :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

haha, i didn't notice that anyway! Any kind of blessing is good i guess!

OH is 49 and his "kids" are almost grown up now, early & late teens. This obviously suggests he might be past the new parenting stage, as he was when we met. They should be able to change their minds and visit us when they want to soon, but at the moment, that would just cause them grief at home from their mum.

Brighton_belle

I do think 50 is too old to start over with babies.

I agree with FBaby that feelings of jealousy are entirely natural, it is what you do with them that counts. Processing them and trying to understand the root of them, as you are doing is part of that, so well done you.

Amanda65

Panda78 wrote: »

OH is 49 and his "kids" are almost grown up now, early & late teens. This obviously suggests he might be past the new parenting stage, as he was when we met. They should be able to change their minds and visit us when they want to soon, but at the moment, that would just cause them grief at home from their mum.

So when you met he was 36 and you were 21, understandable that he may have felt he didn't want to be a parent again and was probably delighted to have met someone who he thought felt the same. However I think we'd all agree that what we want at 21 and what we want at 34 can be very different. The fact also that you are still renting and OH is working 6 days a week will add to your feelings of insecurity. I think now may be the time to sit down and have the conversation you need to have. Better to do it now than regret it when it's too late x

anastasia666

Just wanted to say - if you want children think seriously about your relationship. I'm 34 and met my husband when I was 18 and he was 27. He was open from the start that he didn't want children (for various reasons) and I accepted this. 18 was way too young to be making these decisions, but that's what I did.

Over the last couple of years I've come to realise that I would like children and that I'm not happy, which has resulted in me separating from my husband (a couple of months ago), and we're now in the long and painful process of sorting the practical things out.

I may well have missed my chance to have children now as I have PCOS, but at least if I meet someone else and it's right, I can try. I wouldn't want to look back in 10 years time and regret not giving myself the opportunity.

Walking away is the hardest thing I've ever done, not least because my husband's health has become considerably worse over the last few years and I feel like I'm abandoning him, but I feel I have no choice now.

Don't leave it too late.

FBaby

Whether to leave or not is unfortunately a risk to take. You could leave a partner you loved, but couldn't make you happy by refusing to allow you to become a mum, and then find yourself unable to fall in love again let alone have a child and live with the regrets of having given up the love of you life (and worse seeing him turning the page and be happy AND even maybe have a child with someone else, I've been witness to this...)

Or, you could fall in love again, fall pregnant and have the family you so desperately long for and look back with a tear in the eye knowing that leaving had been the best decision ever.

It all comes down to how much you are prepared to lose in the hope that you might gain doing so.

Lou67

Awww Panda. Your post made me feel sad I have a 17 y.o. girl and cannot imagine ever having a life without her. Is your partner determined to never have kids?

Re; the sister jealousy thing... if anything I would envy YOU, in fact she may do a little bit. You sound great and clever and everything, but I know a few women who didn't have babies because of their hubby/partner, and then they broke up with them. The men stayed fertile forever of course and went on to have kids but it was too late for them.

Sorry to be gloomy: I am just worried for you hunnie xxx