Car-obsessed in-laws — would you keep schtum?

art_for_arts_sake

Advice please.

I have a FIL who's obsessed with changing his car. This normally takes place about once a year, on the flimsiest of excuses he uses to justify his purchase.

Last year his old car, bought secondhand and approaching its third anniversary, was traded in for a new car because it "needs an MOT".

The first inkling I had of his intention to change this time was when he came round a few months ago, pestering me to go and look at a secondhand Nissan Note.

Bear in mind this is nine months after changing his car for a new VW Fox, which he'd paid 3 years servicing in advance for, paid for reversing sensors to be fitted (he does this to all his cars) and got me to fit headlight covers.

I was more than a little short with him, pointing out his reason for changing last time was the car needed an MOT and his proposed purchase was fast approaching the same date.

I suggested he might like to get a car that my MIL could drive instead as she's rarely allowed to take the car out of his sight. If it's raining the car is seldom taken on the road too.

They obviously thought better of it, but my FIL muttered a cryptic "I'm not done yet".:(

We had a phone call again last week, my wife, who is totally against buying cars, having spent much of her childhood being dragged around garages looking at them, answered the phone as I was in bed as I didn't feel too well.

"Can I speak to ***, we're thinking of changing the car".

My wife made her excuses for me, and a week later FIL rings to announce he's changed his car again.:mad:

This time he's swapped a year-old car for one considerably older on the pretext "the old one didn't have air conditioning". Well, why didn't you ******* buy one with it last time, I want to scream, but luckily my wife has the sense to make her excuses and rings off.

It's pretty obvious my FIL has some sort of OCD, but as he's getting on now I suspect he's beginning to show some signs of dementia too. His wife just goes along with him so there's no one to check what I see as increasingly aberrant behaviour.

If you knew my in-laws you'd think they were poverty stricken by their scrimping. When it comes to cars they tend to stick to what are probably seen in the trade as low-budget cars, so the chances of them being disappointed are high, though many of the MSEs on here would be delighted with their cast-offs.

I know I'm going to be asked my opinion about the 'new car', and I'm going to find it it hard to bite my lip. Trouble is, whatever I say either has no effect at all or they'll just do the opposite to what I suggest.

balletshoes

art_for_arts_sake wrote: »

I know I'm going to be asked my opinion about the 'new car', and I'm going to find it it hard to bite my lip. Trouble is, whatever I say either has no effect at all or they'll just do the opposite to what I suggest.

Tell them you absolutely hate his new car then maybe he'll keep it a bit longer .

gravitytolls

I'm inclined to think it's their money, so, so what? If you don't want to fit stuff to it, say no. In their twilight years, whatever makes them happy, I reckon. You may be a barmy old codger one day, you'll want your family to be understandingand tolerant.

art_for_arts_sake

gravitytolls wrote: »

I'm inclined to think it's their money, so, so what? If you don't want to fit stuff to it, say no. In their twilight years, whatever makes them happy, I reckon. You may be a barmy old codger one day, you'll want your family to be understandingand tolerant.

Thing is, they don't even benefit from the 'extras' they put on, they have them for such a short time.

And God help the garages they deal with. Someone changing their car once a year might seem like manna from heaven at first to a car dealership but then they'll be back dozens of times at the slightest niggle, all of which I get to hear about.

McKneff

Just tell him 'it's okay'

Frankly, it's their money, you seem to take exception to them spending it. Why?

It is their business, I cant see why you are so bothered about it.

skivenov

Sounds like he hasn't realised yet that he's got appauling taste in cars.

art_for_arts_sake

McKneff wrote: »

Just tell him 'it's okay'

Frankly, it's their money, you seem to take exception to them spending it. Why?

It is their business, I cant see why you are so bothered about it.

It really isn't about the money. If I thought it would buy them a car that they'd be happy with, I'd cheerfully bung 'em a few quid towards changing their car if I thought they'd keep it, but they even changed one car within a few days of owning it. They get very little pleasure from driving, when they do, and aren't even confident drivers any more. Even their neighbours have commented about it to me, so I'm not the only person to be concerned about it. I'm not the kind of person to care what the neighbours say, but when they see it as an issue the alarm bells start to ring.

Hintza

What age is he?

I really think the only thing you can do is monitor the situation if you feel he is going a bit gaga but it is not your place to tell him. That needs to come from his children or more probably his wife, if anything has to be said at all.

Remember the messenger gets shot!

art_for_arts_sake

skivenov wrote: »

Sounds like he hasn't realised yet that he's got appauling taste in cars.

Nail. Head. Can you tell him for me?:D

I think he's seeking my approval, as he knows he isn't going to get it from his DD, but my suggestions always seem to fall on deaf ears. You can lead a horse to water, etc. ...

pelirocco

art_for_arts_sake wrote: »

It really isn't about the money. If I thought it would buy them a car that they'd be happy with, I'd cheerfully bung 'em a few quid towards changing their car if I thought they'd keep it, but they even changed one car within a few days of owning it. They get very little pleasure from driving, when they do, and aren't even confident drivers any more. Even their neighbours have commented about it to me, so I'm not the only person to be concerned about it. I'm not the kind of person to care what the neighbours say, but when they see it as an issue the alarm bells start to ring.

Unless they are neglecting to pay the necessary bills then really its none of your business what they do with their money .

art_for_arts_sake

Hintza wrote: »

What age is he?

I really think the only thing you can do is monitor the situation if you feel he is going a bit gaga but it is not your place to tell him. That needs to come from his children or more probably his wife, if anything has to be said at all.

Remember the messenger gets shot!

He'll soon be over 80. I've tried to encourage him to let his wife drive more but he's in denial about his own abilities, and gets angry when I try to discuss it. I'm married to his DD who's his only offspring, she's strongly anti-car as a result of her upbringing, so it's not an easy situation.