4-year-old very stressed about school

cte1111

Attendance at school isn't compulsory until the term after the child is 5. So if you chose to only send your child into school for 3 days a week, then there would be little that they could do about it.

However it doesn't necessarily sound as if that would help your DD very much, as it's the length of the day that she is struggling with. I can empathise with her on this, I still feel like this sometimes if I'm in a boring job, I guess many of us can.

The real solution is probably going to be to work with the teacher so that your daughter can engage more with the activities. I would make an appointment to see the teacher, perhaps without your daughter present and then you can work together to make a plan.

jackomdj

I would not make her part time, this is when all their little friendships are formed. If she is not there she won't end up with a close friendship which will leave her on the sidelines.

It is hard but you have to just be positive. Could you start inviting friends to play or go to a park etc after school, this will help her and enable you to talk about how so and so loves doing this or that at school.

Good luck

WestonDave

Some of the kids will have an advantage having been either in nursery or at least in the free preschool places which everyone can use once the kids turn 3. I say that not as a criticism of the OP because I'm sure she tried to consider what was best and clearly felt family care was better - maybe the preschool provision in the area is poor and wouldn't have helped.

Its now a huge change but kids are generally adaptable and of course she has little choice but to adapt because when she turns 5 she will legally have to be in full time schooling.

In terms of helping her over this, its important to be positive about school whilst not totally dismissing her fears. Talking to her about how changes are difficult and that this is something which can be hard even for adults (changing jobs etc) but that in general once you get used to the "newness" its a good thing.

I would also be looking for opportunities to invite kids from her class home for maybe an hour after school to play together. I'm sure if you talk to a few parents at the school gate there will be some who are decent enough to help you out with this.

One thing the school might consider which our kids school uses is to have either a place where people on their own can go to be paired up with others to play with, or staff in the playground looking to facilitate this. Ours in reception had "year 6 friends" who were kids from the last year at that school who came and played with the kids from time to time in reception to help them with the transition into school - sometimes having someone nearer their own age to ask things to is less intimidating than having to ask a relatively strange adult.

FunWithFlags

flashnazia wrote: »

I feel you are right and she needs to get on with it but it's heartbreaking. She goes to the toilet so many times before school because she is so stressed.

I didn't know how to quote a quote lol so think I've duffed up there but I definitely think you shouldnt ignore her crying, it's like telling her her feelings are wrong and could make her feel more alone iyswim. Maybe you could tell her it's okay to cry when things are new and comfort her but use those moments as opportunities to tell her about the exciting things she will do there. I think more teacher involvement would be key here. I know nursery is a little different but we had a girl who would cry and cry when she was dropped off and for quite a while after. One day when mum was getting quite distressed too, a staff member pretended to struggle carrying in the plastic cups and asked for a "helper" to carry the cups and asked the crying girl. She was so excited to be helping get the room ready that she stopped crying, carried the cups (saying "look mum!") and mum said "I'll leave you to help!" and waved, the girl waved back and carried on helping. After that, the cups were her job and she rarely got upset at saying bye.

Massive paragraph lol but maybe you could ask the teacher to give your girl a "job" in the classroom in the morning so she might look forward to getting to school and handing out the books or checking the pencil pots etc and it might ease her into looking forward to getting to school. She might feel a little less lost or sad if she is comfortable in the classroom and getting the classroom ready might contribute towards that.

balletshoes

flashnazia wrote: »

Thanks

I've just dropped her off and she started again. I gave her a hug and the teacher told her about the exciting things she had planned which perked my daughter up a bit.

She was so looking forward to school before she started, I don't understand what's changed. Perhaps its too much too soon and she's not coping with the deep end? She didn't go to nursery - was looked after by family while I did my part-time job - so perhaps she not used to the routine and the group learning environment.

*sigh*

it could be that she's just realised that she's at school for these long days for a looooong time now . The novelty may have worn off about actually going to school and spending the day with new people.

Its good that she perked up when she spoke to the teacher this morning, and I think you're tackling it the right way too. Maybe try asking her specifically about parts of her day when she comes out of school ie what was her favourite bit of the day today? What did she do just before lunchtime, and did she enjoy that? It might help her recall that she did enjoy bits of the day, and that might encourage her to join in more during the school day.

balletshoes

flashnazia wrote: »

Yes, I was thinking of asking the school about my daughter doing part time until next term but I wasnt sure if this would go down well with the school. The trouble is that half days wouldn't be possible with my hours and my oh does alternating shifts. This means I'll be asking school if my daughter can do 3-4 days a week. This is why I doubt it will go down very well with the school!

I also don't want to send the wrong message to my child; that she doesn't have to persevere in life.

I'm new at this and I had a horrible time at school so I'm very conscious of the fact that I mustn't pass my anxieties onto my child.

@snowyz. I also worry my one isn't socialising because she has also said she plays alone in the playground.

I wouldn't do that - 2 whole days out of the school week is a big chunk, and she will miss things that the rest of the class are doing if she's off for that length of time.

lil.smartie

Sounds like she is bored during the day, not engaging as she's not interested.. Is class time formal sit & be talked at teaching or more open play style, might be a different style of school would suit better as she is still very young! My daughter is 4 in Dec and she comes to work & plays here, she gets on well with adults & kids but I'm not rushing to send her to nursery or school until I have to as ours are all quite formal wearing uniform type schools which I don't think would suit her!

Kate

lil.smartie

Just thought she could be 'being taught to suck eggs' can she read/write/know her numbers already? This is another reason I'm not keen on schools too early as I could read before I went & was bored! lol

Kate

balletshoes

WestonDave wrote: »

One thing the school might consider which our kids school uses is to have either a place where people on their own can go to be paired up with others to play with, or staff in the playground looking to facilitate this. Ours in reception had "year 6 friends" who were kids from the last year at that school who came and played with the kids from time to time in reception to help them with the transition into school - sometimes having someone nearer their own age to ask things to is less intimidating than having to ask a relatively strange adult.

yes, thats a good idea - my DD's primary school did this with all the new children. They got a playground "buddy" assigned to them, usually from the same class, who would show them around, play together with them with others too, until they felt ready to socialise in the playground with other kids.

daska

flashnazia wrote: »

I feel you are right and she needs to get on with it but it's heartbreaking. She goes to the toilet so many times before school because she is so stressed.

Definitely try the chamomile; I used to make a small jug of it for DS2 and just mix it with a bit of boiling water when he wanted some, leave the bag in. It's naturally quite sweet, especially so with milk

Energy levels can make a huge difference to how well children cope. Try to make sure she has some protein rather than just carbs i.e. a sausage, egg or a lump of cheese rather than just cereal (mini frittatas are good as you can use up whatever meat/veg is leftover from supper and they keep for a few days in the fridge).