4-year-old very stressed about school

flashnazia

I hope some experienced parents or, teachers etc can help me with this because I feel really bad about this.

My 4-year-old has started reception class. The first two weeks were fine but since last week she has been crying in the playground and telling me the day is too long and 'time goes too slow'.

Her teacher tells me she 'doesn't engage with the activities'.

I've checked she isn't being bullied and she does have a few friends. She likes her teachers too.

She crying right now and I'm being quite harsh and telling her to stop it because everyone has to go to school and she needs to make an effort to enjoy it.

Help.

daska

Oh it's a tough one isn't it! (((HUGS)))

Most children are fine once you've left, they may spend a short while whingeing but then they're over it and join in (but often start up again just in time for mummy )

What's concerning is that she's not 'engaging' during the day. Is this new behaviour or a continuation? i.e. did she join in at nursery/ playgroup/ pre-school? A couple of weeks is usually plenty of time to settle in.

My initial suggestion would be to try her on some chamomile tea in the mornings while you and the teachers investigate the root cause. They're used to new children taking a while to find their feet so they may have some ideas.

Not sure what you mean by being harsh? Keep the love in there but be matter of fact and speedy with your farewells, if she can walk to school with other children from the class that might help as well.

we moved DS2 to another school during reception year, mainly because there was a language unit at another school that we were hoping he would get a place in and the senco at his school being worse than useless, but the difference in him was amazing - no more tears! We subsequently discovered that the protocol in the school for children who were 'misbehaving' was being applied to him when he was going in to meltdown, despite the cause of his problem being sensory rather than behavioural and the protocol being guaranteed to exacerbate the situation.

best of luck

flashnazia

daska wrote: »

Oh it's a tough one isn't it! (((HUGS)))

Most children are fine once you've left, they may spend a short while whingeing but then they're over it and join in (but often start up again just in time for mummy )

What's concerning is that she's not 'engaging' during the day. Is this new behaviour or a continuation? i.e. did she join in at nursery/ playgroup/ pre-school? A couple of weeks is usually plenty of time to settle in.

My initial suggestion would be to try her on some chamomile tea in the mornings while you and the teachers investigate the root cause. They're used to new children taking a while to find their feet so they may have some ideas.

Not sure what you mean by being harsh? Keep the love in there but be matter of fact and speedy with your farewells, if she can walk to school with other children from the class that might help as well.

we moved DS2 to another school during reception year, mainly because there was a language unit at another school that we were hoping he would get a place in and the senco at his school being worse than useless, but the difference in him was amazing - no more tears! We subsequently discovered that the protocol in the school for children who were 'misbehaving' was being applied to him when he was going in to meltdown, despite the cause of his problem being sensory rather than behavioural and the protocol being guaranteed to exacerbate the situation.

best of luck

Thanks

I've just dropped her off and she started again. I gave her a hug and the teacher told her about the exciting things she had planned which perked my daughter up a bit.

She was so looking forward to school before she started, I don't understand what's changed. Perhaps its too much too soon and she's not coping with the deep end? She didn't go to nursery - was looked after by family while I did my part-time job - so perhaps she not used to the routine and the group learning environment.

*sigh*

snowyz81

was she in nursery prior to starting school ?

It may just take her a while to get use to the whole school thing. My dd started reception this year, she previously only did 2 full days at nursery so i was concerned that it would be too much. She loves it although she is shattered at the end of the day and therefore very grumpy. I'm having worries about mine, as when i ask who she played with at dinner she always says she played on her own. She has friends and names them but worries she isnt sociallising.

Hopefully she will settle in soon. x

travelgran

As she is a 4 year-old in Reception is part-time attendance (mornings only) possible for a while, perhaps until half-term?

Fire_Fox

Could she be the struggling with concentration or tiredness?

daska

flashnazia wrote: »

Thanks

I've just dropped her off and she started again. I gave her a hug and the teacher told her about the exciting things she had planned which perked my daughter up a bit.

She was so looking forward to school before she started, I don't understand what's changed. Perhaps its too much too soon and she's not coping with the deep end? She didn't go to nursery - was looked after by family while I did my part-time job - so perhaps she not used to the routine and the group learning environment.

*sigh*

If she didn't go to nursery/ playgroup etc then this is a huge change for her, no wonder she's a bit out of her depth, poor mite! It will take time for her to adjust. Are your family still able to care for her for a while? Could you speak with them, and the school, about her doing half days for a while, just to give her some adjustment time but with familiar faces i.e they would need to go with her to playgroups during this time to help her adjust.

flashnazia

Yes, I was thinking of asking the school about my daughter doing part time until next term but I wasnt sure if this would go down well with the school. The trouble is that half days wouldn't be possible with my hours and my oh does alternating shifts. This means I'll be asking school if my daughter can do 3-4 days a week. This is why I doubt it will go down very well with the school!

I also don't want to send the wrong message to my child; that she doesn't have to persevere in life.

I'm new at this and I had a horrible time at school so I'm very conscious of the fact that I mustn't pass my anxieties onto my child.

@snowyz. I also worry my one isn't socialising because she has also said she plays alone in the playground.

robpw2

i feel for her , she has gone from not being in school to being in school full time so it will be a massive ajustment .
But op im afraid you need to ignore the crying because if you give in she will use it for everything . she will get used to it though

flashnazia

robpw2 wrote: »

i feel for her , she has gone from not being in school to being in school full time so it will be a massive ajustment .
But op im afraid you need to ignore the crying because if you give in she will use it for everything . she will get used to it though

I feel you are right and she needs to get on with it but it's heartbreaking. She goes to the toilet so many times before school because she is so stressed.

Fire_Fox

flashnazia wrote: »

I feel you are right and she needs to get on with it but it's heartbreaking. She goes to the toilet so many times before school because she is so stressed.

Have you tried relaxation exercises? Also maybe look at what she is eating in the morning and last thing, make it low glycaemic index so she isn't getting peaks and troughs in blood sugar which can contribute to stress.