Can I claim any benefits if husband wont support me

cattysmum

Hi this is a hard post to write and am doing it on behalf of my daughter. She has decided after 2 years that her marriage is over (they have been together 12 years) One of the main reasons is her husband thinking that because he earns the money everything is his, the house is in his name as are the bank accounts. They have two children one being just 11 months. She is still in the family home as is he and he is paying the bills and buying food only. He wont put petrol in the car or give her any money for clothing and other daily needs. She doesnt get tax credits as he earns too much money all she gets is family allowance. Benefits have told her she is not entitled to anything whilst she is living there but she does not want to leave the family home it is hers and her childrens. Can anyone give me any advise for her to make him support her financially so at least she has some money in her pocket. Sorry if this is the wrong thread.

Mrs_Arcanum

She needs to see a solicitor and talk to Womens Aid ASAP.

Caroline_a

Definitely needs to see a solicitor, if only for the first half free half hour. I think you can be separated and still living in the same house at the moment, I know of at least one couple who are doing this while they sell the house. Your daughter may then be able to get benefits.

Others will be along who know more than me, but hopefully things will get sorted for her soon.

BigAunty

The Shelter website has a section on relationship breakdowns which gives people an idea of their rights and options.

She should seek legal advice - for example, some mothers can get an occupancy order from a court to remain in the marital home until the youngest child turns 18.

Look at the Direct Gov child maintenance pages, the CSA site or post on the child support board to understand his obligations to pay a percentage of his net wage after pension deductions (20% for 2 children, I think) if they can't reach an agreement themselves. This stingy man will probably fight it all the way.

I second the Womens Aid move - domestic abuse isn't just about violence but about controlling their partner, including deliberately making them short of money and dependent on them, controlling their movements, which is what he's done by effectively cutting off income to her. They have benefit and housing advisors, too.

On MSE, I definately have seen threads where a lone parent still lives with a partner and has claimed benefits but I imagine it's quite awkward to do.

McKneff

I know this is just a knee jerk reaction but if I saw he was treating my daughter and grandchildren, I have him off at the knees. Sorry.

Do you speak to him at all about, does your other half.

margaretclare

I second the Womens Aid move - domestic abuse isn't just about violence but about controlling their partner, including deliberately making them short of money and dependent on them, controlling their movements, which is what he's done by effectively cutting off income to her.

This was highlighted in the news very recently, last couple of days or so.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2204778/Domestic-violence-include-mental-torment-laws-applied-aged-18.html

BigAunty

margaretclare wrote: »

This was highlighted in the news very recently, last couple of days or so.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2204778/Domestic-violence-include-mental-torment-laws-applied-aged-18.html

To be honest, margaretclare, although the law is finally and very recently catching up with the concept of mental abuse as a criminal act, organisations like local councils, Social Workers and Womens Aid have always regarded emotional/financial/psychological abuse as part of the definition of Domestic abuse.

The general public, courts or Police may have wrongly thought the abuse only counts if the partner receives physical violence but it's always been considered much broader than that.

Therefore, it's just a case of the law belatedly coming into line with social policy - the OPs daughter would have always been taken seriously by any practitioners in the DA/Domestic violence field because they do not restrict their services to victims/survivors/clients who have been beaten.

Recognising Domestic Violence and what it is

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310004

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310003&sectionTitle=What+is+domestic+violence%3F

cattysmum

McKneff wrote: »

I know this is just a knee jerk reaction but if I saw he was treating my daughter and grandchildren, I have him off at the knees. Sorry.

Do you speak to him at all about, does your other half.

Up to the other week we had no idea how it had been for her, I have been to see her this morning again she has no petrol so I have given her some money but I will be telling him I want reimbursing. Dont get me wrong I would give her my last pennies but that would let him off the hook, I know she feels this is her fault as she wants out but I can't blame her and in answer to your question no Iv not spoken to him as DD wants to sort it out herself and at the minute I am respecting her wishes BUT if it goes on for much longer we will be having words

cattysmum

Thank you for the replies I will be going on to the direct gov website and all the other web sites that have been suggested, thank you so much for taking the time to respond. One worried mum:(

margaretclare

Thanks for the response, BigAunty.

DH knows all about emotional abuse - it happened in his last marriage. Being a bloke, he got no help from anywhere. Thank God, he managed to get out!

I know she feels this is her fault

This is part of the abuse - the sufferer feels it is his/her fault!

BigAunty

I wouldn't bother confronting him. As well as Womens Aid that can give expert advice on the matter, your local council is very likely to have a dedicated team - look at their website.

I'm not saying that she is enduring domestic abuse (thats for others to decide) but it is very common for people to feel very ashamed of their status and experiences and conceal it from friends and family.

A couple that I've known for many years split up and I was very surprised to discover how disrespectful one of my close friends had been to the other. This included telling her how fat she is, refusing to do any housework, refusing to pay towards any household expenses (he put his money into his investments), throwing away her belongings without her permission because he said her place was cluttered, refusing to go on holiday with her, refusing to go to family social events, refusing to use his car to travel to shared events together, ordering her to put her property up for sale because he didn't like it (she didn't), telling her that her house was filthy and so on. He never raised his voice but he continually undermined her, scrounged off her and was disrespectful.

He is one of my oldest friend, he is very kind and friendly to his friends and relatives, always helping out with DIY and so forth, someone you would automatically see as decent (I fixed him up with her because he's so 'nice'...). I never detected any tensions when I met up with them.