Child contact - aka "pass the parcel"

minimoneysaver

What an ironic cross post Tiglath. I hope you are doing okay. It's time that the powers that be of MSE put a lid on it.

cheepskate_2

When someone comes onto these forums asking for advice / opinions, then that means different opinions. If you want to come on and only get people who agree with you , then don't ask for opinions , just let us know you have your own opinion and only want people to back you up in that, whether you are right or wrong..

As for someone being suicidal........ there's a lot more to that than just peoples opinions, after all you can opt out/ block any threads here.

Tiglath

It's not the opinions for me so much as the way they're expressed by some people. Unnecessarily harsh when people may be feeling vulnerable and upset, but that's the chance you take on the internet with people you don't know. A little kindness goes a long way.

cheepskate_2

Tiglath wrote: »

It's not the opinions for me so much as the way they're expressed by some people. Unnecessarily harsh when people may be feeling vulnerable and upset,

How people express themselves in written words can be so different than when they speak. Smiles, tones etc are lost. We are not all good at written expression. I for one am terrible when writing things down and can sometimes come across as quite harsh, even when i'm not, lol

CH27

Tiglath wrote: »

It's not the opinions for me so much as the way they're expressed by some people. Unnecessarily harsh when people may be feeling vulnerable and upset, but that's the chance you take on the internet with people you don't know. A little kindness goes a long way.

They written word can seem harsh at times. I'm sure the majority of posters do not mean to be harsh. They are just offering advice or playing devil's advocate.

HurdyGurdy

My daughter opened her flat door to go out with the baby today, to be confronted with spray painted graffiti on the wall opposite her door. "Fat c*nt", "sl@g" and "[female dog]" on the wall, and on her front door - "sl@g" and "!!!!!!" - and the peephole has been sprayed as well.

She is understandably very frightened by this. She rang 101 and they couldn't have been less helpful. Just gave her a crime reference number and told her to ring the police and ask to speak to MARAC. And of course MARAC weren't interested. So she's been left to deal with this herself.

She rang the housing association, who said they would send someone out to do the repairs. When the contractor arrived, they couldn't do it, as they had been told that it was outside, and it was a fence that had been damaged, and they were unable to deal with indoor vandalism. The contractor said he would call the HA and that they would ring her back with other arrangements (they didn't).

Everyone (friends and family) I have spoken to today about this has assumed straight away that it was her ex, in retaliation for her calling the police last week. Hand on heart, I really really REALLY don't think this is anything to do with him.

I believe that this involves the people in the flat below her. My daughter has called the police a couple of times due to their screaming, violent rows, which have both scared my daughter, and woken the baby, and I know (although my daughter doesn't, and I can't tell her that I do know, nor how I know) that they have been to MARAC and the male is a known drug dealer.

My belief is that this graffiti was either aimed at the woman downstairs, or was from the people downstairs as they may be of the belief that my daughter has reported them to social services (she hasn't).

Anyway, this post isn't actually about this incident, but to ask if we would be totally over-reacting if we got some kind of CCTV set up outside my daughter's door, and if we would need to get the HA's permission for this (I suspect we would).

My daughter has a friend staying with her tonight and tomorrow, but is very scared about being alone again after that. My fear is that it may be "graffiti today, fire tomorrow" as there is no fire escape from her flat, other than over the balcony and down two floors onto the pavement. We think that CCTV would give her (and us) at least some peace of mind.

She has asked the council if it would be possible for her to transfer to another property, and they are sending her an application form. She won't be treated as high priority, but said that if this happened again, then she would be given a higher priority. I hope it doesn't happen again, but even so, I don't think she would be moving any time soon.

londonsurrey

CCTV isn't overreacting, but you have to be very clear about what you want to achieve with it, as it would influence what you get, how many cameras, areas they're focussed on, resolution, infrared, etc.

If fire is the foremost concern, I'd recommend a fireproof letterbox as a cheaper and an actual preventative measure.

Errata

CCTV will only give the 'sprayers' the opportunity to sneak up out of vision and spray the lense.
If you're seriously concerned about fire, make sure she has plenty of smoke alarms, fire extinguishers and blankets.

HurdyGurdy

Thank you. There is no letterbox on her front door, as she has a mail box outside the main doors of the block. I am just concerned that someone may set a fire outside of her front door. I dunno - I am probably over-reacting to a frightening event today. We were talking about getting a tiny, almost invisible camera put outside her door (at our expense, not the HA's) in case, once this lot is removed, the offenders decide to make a repeat visit.

The front door is very heavy, so it may be a fire door anyway. But *we* as parents, would feel happier if we felt as though we had done *something* to protect my daughter and her child.


Another thing - given the current state of their relationship, would it be a good idea to let the baby's father know what has happened?

I think probably yes, as this did is where his child is living. My daughter doesn't want to have any communication other than actually about the baby, so isn't sure about telling him.

daska

If she has any reason to suspect that it may have been her ex, even if there are other potential suspects, then she should treat it as it if could be. I would suggest she rings WomensAid on the basis that it may well have been domestic abuse as WA will be able to help her get the incident treated seriously by the police. And, who knows, if she's been having problems with her neighbours anyway they may be able to help her move somewhere else, get her priority level upgraded.

I'd think carefully about telling the father immediately. If it was him then he will go on the defensive and if it wasn't he will think he is being accused and may overreact, he may even refuse to let the baby come back if he feels she is at risk.