Child contact - aka "pass the parcel"

NewKittenHelp

Why did he kick the door if the child was already outside? It seems like you've been told one side and you're taking it as gospel. But it sounds to me as if he was trying to leave/get to his daughter and your daughter tried to stop him. And then for her to phone the police! I can't say I'm surprised that he doesn't want any direct contact with your daughter.

FBaby

It sounds to me like he is doing the right thing. Whatever really happen on that day (he most likely will have a different version) making sure there is no physical contact is probably best. The child still deserves to see his father so unless you dagger has a better suggestion to allow it without physical contact I would go with it.

FatVonD

I agree with Cheepskate and Fbaby. To go to this much trouble to avoid contact looks like he is taking very seriously the idea that they need to have no contact to avoid another situation like before. He is taking steps to protect both himself and your daughter and should be commended for that at least.

Your daughter knows all these people and your grand daughter won't be with any of them for any length of time, she's not handing her over to total strangers.

CH27

I wouldn't be happy with so many go betweens.
I would suggest the EX waits until you have finished work & then you could hand over the child to him & then collect the next day.
That way the child is always with someone they know well.

valkirn

Personally i'd be saying no to a compleat stranger collecting my child to hand over to the dad especially if they are not speaking how would she know he had the child?

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

Why did he kick the door if the child was already outside? It seems like you've been told one side and you're taking it as gospel. But it sounds to me as if he was trying to leave/get to his daughter and your daughter tried to stop him. And then for her to phone the police! I can't say I'm surprised that he doesn't want any direct contact with your daughter.

As for this ^^^^^^^ has it ever occurred to you that as they were arguing he could have threatened not to bring the child home again!! (which is the usual threat used on both sides) If my ex had threatened that i would have tried to stop him taking my child anywhere too, and since his attack resulted in the ex girlfriend being hurt she is more than with in her rights to call the police on him,

For me the meer fact that he has been violent infront of the child would have me saying no to him having the child at all untill the solicitors had sorted the residency order and formalised contact, they could then look into the child being droped off and collected at a contact centre.

cheepskate_2

CH27 wrote: »

I would suggest the EX waits until you have finished work & then you could hand over the child to him & then collect the next day.
.

this is all well and fine , BUT parents are never unbiased..

So OP has already got him down as hitting/pushing their daughter, shouting in front of kid etc.
Now parent is complaining that the ex hasn't contacted their daughter since the argument to see how child is......its been 4 days, feelings are running high on both sides and another argument (with whoever at fault) is just waiting to happen.

Out of all of them the ex is being the most mature at the moment , to distance himself from arguments .If parents cant be civil to each other, then it's not just a case of the NRP calling to have a nice chat about said child.

If there are any debates going on with the daughter and ex, its all too easy for this to spill over to the passover with the Op getting involved.


Edit: See above post how things go, and this is from someone not even involved in it. Looks like the daughters word is gospel and ex is causing all the trouble- life is never a one sided story

valkirn

cheepskate wrote: »

Edit: See above post how things go, and this is from someone not even involved in it. Looks like the daughters word is gospel and ex is causing all the trouble- life is never usually like that

Im not taking the daughters side.. im suggesting the ex may have threatened in the heat of an argument not to bring the child back resulting in the mother trying to take the child back.

It could also be that her went for her because she also in the heat of the argument said that this would be the last time he would have the child.

Maybe i should have changed it to the meer suggestion that he may have been violent towards the mother would have me personally sorting things out formally before any thing else takes place

lolavix

Sounds like he's doing the right thing to protect himself. Also sounds like theyre not complete strangers as your daughter knows them, albeit not well - he obviously trusts them.

Difficult as we only know one side of the story

dancingfairy

Surely the best thing would be for it all to go through you (if you're happy to do that for the meantime). Your daughter could bring the child to you when you finish work which would be what 5ish/5.30 and you could take the child to the ex. This would eliminate the other person and the baby would be with someone who knows him/her. I'd also probably say to the other person that could the 2 parents at least contact each other (via facebook if necessary ) regarding arrangements. SUrely the less people involved the better and surely the adults can be reasonable in writing (if it doesn't involve them actually coming face to face with each other?)You'd also have a paper trail of who said what. Also you do not know the motives of this other party so even if they are acting in good faith you don't need more people involved.
Best of Luck
df

londonsurrey

Just to make it clear that I think he should be prosecuted for the violence.

However, I respect the fact that he's come up with a workable plan that will enable him to continue contact with his daughter whilst taking into account that he is well advised to avoid contact with your daughter.

As for the friend, bear in mind that during the time he is the parent in charge of the child, he is entitled to use his judgement as to who he trusts with the child. Additionally, he's not proposing that the child is left alone with this friend for half a day - he's waiting down the road for the friend to bring the child.

It sounds like a level headed working solution in a very difficult situation, and for all we know, it's this friend who is counselling him to do the sensible thing and focus on what's important, i.e. ensuring that the child has both parents. I respect the fact that the message refrained from name calling, accusations, etc, and was simply very clear and to the point.