Would you give money to a child at the door?

Bitsy_Beans

I don't give to adults at the door let alone children.

It's one thing to claim they are entrepreneurial by offering to wash cars for money but with them then asking for a donation anyway.......tantamount to begging.

Fire_Fox

You should have phoned the police or social services.

cottonhead

I wouldnt have given them money either. Its potentially dangerous for young kids to be knocking on doors. Who knows who might answer and what they might do. The other thing is what is the money for ? At that age yes it could be for their mums birthday but could also be for alcohol, cigarettes or even drugs ! I think you did the right thing. Before anyone beats me down for this - coud they be travellers ? If they didnt seem like they were from the area and also the way you say they were dressed is how many travellers dress ?
Yes perhaps they were innocent and just looking to make some money but I wouldnt have taken the risk. Sending the cute boy whilst the older sister hides in the bushes ? ! Sounds like they thought they could win you over with his cute looks. Kids are more worldly wise than we think !

Fire_Fox

Really how many active child molesters or child murderers are there in the UK, how many of those would snatch a child off the street on the spur of the moment in broad daylight when they are accompanied by two other children and were last seen knocking on a neighbours door? Fear of danger is not danger.

They are far more likely to get knocked down crossing the road, struck by lightening or indeed be molested by someone in their own home. You can't lock children indoors nor wrap them in cotton wool, that is leading to children having issues with social skills and contributing to obesity. You might argue it's healthy for them to entrepreneurial, to have the confidence to speak to strangers, to be getting exercise. All assuming they are not being exploited.

cottonhead

Fire Fox I do see your point but actually since I started doing the job I do and also the jobs that some of my family members do, I was shocked at how many bad people there are around. A lot more than I realised. But yes its good to encouragesocial skills and a mind for business. The other thing I would be worried about is that the kids might cause embarassment or worry to the people they are knocking on the doors of. Thats why right or wrong i dont agree with trick or treating on random houses. Some people really get worried and I think its inconsiderate.

Charliezoo

It's sad really, I remember paying a couple of young lads to wash my car on the driveway years ago. They were sweet polite boys and appeared to genuinely be trying to make a bit of extra pocket money.

Times have changed and I'm sadly very suspicious of things like this nowadays and worry about children being exploited. I remember a while back sitting on the tube and smiling at the most gorgeous little foreign lad sitting with his mum. As soon as I smiled at him his mum whispered something in his ear and he jumped down from his seat and held out his hand to me for money. It was a horrible sight and I've felt very odd about children asking for money in any form since.

Fire_Fox

cottonhead wrote: »

Fire Fox I do see your point but actually since I started doing the job I do and also the jobs that some of my family members do, I was shocked at how many bad people there are around. A lot more than I realised. But yes its good to encouragesocial skills and a mind for business. The other thing I would be worried about is that the kids might cause embarassment or worry to the people they are knocking on the doors of. Thats why right or wrong i dont agree with trick or treating on random houses. Some people really get worried and I think its inconsiderate.

Again the boy was chaperoned by a twelve to fourteen year old. Statistically they are far more likely to be abused at home, so arguably all children should be outdoors as much as possible for their own protection? If they live on a rough estate coming into contact with 'bad people' will be daily occurrence, but the tiniest percentage of 'bad people' will actually do anything to the child.

Trick or treating is different, it takes place at night and there are threats involved, in some cases actual vandalism. By contrast these kids were offering to wash cars and appear to have been polite, we have door to door salesmen who are far less pleasant. I believe most of the disapproval on this thread is about parenting, it's telling how the OP described the children's appearance and voice and this has been referred to again.

But absolutely contact the police or social service if the children might be being exploited or if they are abusive.

somethingcorporate

I think, OP, that you did the right thing but your rationale feels a bit on the bonkers side to me!

I think because you appear to be exposed to some of the evils of the world through your job you are quick to see it everywhere and any situation with ambiguity you quickly use your experience to fill in the gaps.

It really may have been completely harmless and really does show what a cynical and paranoid society we have become. They are infinitely more likely to be killed crossing the road than being snatched in broad day-light, murdered etc. You jump from a couple of iffy looking kids to then suggesting their parents are addicts and they are at significant risk of being murdered and then in post 25# you've already written the shock-horror headlines yourself where they have been killed as a result of washing your car!

I think you are taking this example to ridiculous extremes and should take a step back. Does it really happen all the time in today's society? Really? Can you provide (m)any examples of this? An example every few decades in a country with over 60m people means that the risk is absolutely tiny and not a genuine threat, compare it to the number of children dying on the roads and then you have something to actually be concerned about. I think your job has really forced you to lose perspective on reality!

CKhalvashi

somethingcorporate wrote: »

I think, OP, that you did the right thing but your rationale feels a bit on the bonkers side to me!

IMO, there are quite a few Social Workers and the like with this thinking, and it's not them that are left to pick up the pieces of their over-imaginative brains.

Did you know that Social Services now happen to know that there's a 100% chance of a (potentially) child wanting to earn some money being killed, sexually abused or attacked?

The same with children walking on their own to school, staying in whilst their parents go to the shops (mine are 9 and 11, and I'll leave them for 2 minutes) or even just stepping outside their front door :eek:

As a parent, you can't win. As a Social Worker, it's not you that's left to pick up the pieces. This is why the system as it is stands to put more children at risk of abuse by the state than in their own homes!

CK

miss_independent

I see that this thread has been resurrected!

It's now one week since the little boy came to the door. I've since found out, through a story in the local newspaper, that a number of travellers illegally moved onto a large space ("The Green") on the nearest council estate last week and police are moving them on soon. There has also been a recent spate of "doorstep" burglaries involving "young adults" supposedly seeking work according to the same newspaper and people are being warned to be remain vigilant. I personally didn't think that these children were Travellers at the time as I have worked with both the local Irish Traveller and Romany communities so I tend to know a lot of the families pretty well (contrary to what people think, alot of Travellers tend not to Travel very far or for very long periods, they are pretty settled on "legal" sites in this area). Given the recent events, it is quite possible the children were Travellers.

To answer a couple of questions;

I thought the children were crossing the carriageway to "work another neighbourhood" and not to go home because a) The first house I saw them knock on once they were safely across the carriageway (i.e the corner house) belongs to a good friend of mine who works in Child Protection so I was quite eager to see what happened there. Nothing as she wasn't in. The next "house" I saw them knock on is a residential care home, then further along the road (where they "disappeared" from my sight) is all student nurse/ medical student housing until you get to the hospital. So again, I didn't think these children were local.

When I said "I could just see the headlines..." I was referring to the fact that if something "had" have happened to these children as a result of their parents knowingly allowing them to knock on strangers doors in a area they weren't all that familiar with, I couldn't see the general public having much sympathy for the parents. I do think allowing your children (especially a 7 year old who walked down a long path to my front door alone whilst his 12-14 year old sister hid behind a hedge outside of the garden) to go door to door in a strange area where they are unknown asking for odd jobs is bad parenting, sorry. I know the chances of anything happening are slim but bad things do happen to children and if you love your kids, you wouldn't take the risk imho.

I'm not a social worker. I currently work with vulnerable families helping them to keep their kids actually, and often have to intervene with over zealous social services. I almost always on the parent's side unless there are serious concerns. I still feel that I have good instincts and I'm pretty good at spotting when something is off. I still stand by what I believe was the case, that this child was being exploited and shouldn't have been knocking on stranger's doors asking for work/begging. I don't see evil everywhere I look, and I don't go looking for things that aren't there. I have had lots of children knock on the door over the years, chancing their lucking singing Christmas carols in November or Penny for the Guy in September and never had any concerns. I felt something was very "off" with this particular situtation. But I am the one who witnessed this situation so maybe its difficult for people to appreciate that.

I probably won't be posting on this thread anymore, just purely as it was an isolated incident and I doubt it will happen again. Thanks to everyone who offered their opinion.