Would you give money to a child at the door?

miss_independent

Hi, I had a bit of a strange situation yesterday and I feel a bit guilty.

Around 4pm the doorbell rang and I was surprised to see a little boy of about seven years old standing there. I've worked with children for most of my adult life and I have to say as far as children go this little lad was gorgeous, he absolutely had the "cute" factor with big blue eyes and a lovely shy smile. I don't know why but I immediately felt sorry for him.

As soon as he saw me, he took a great big breath and and said (as if he had been rehearsed), "Hello, it's our Mum's birthday tomorrow and we want to get her a present. Would you like your car washed?" I was flabbergasted. The boy kept looking behind him nervously and seemed quite shy/embarrassed. I couldn't see anyone but later discovered a girl of about 13 who I take to be his sister was hiding on the other side of the hedge. I didn't know what to do, as I didn't want a small child to wash my car so I quickly said that I was very sorry but it didn't really need washed right now.

Quick as a flash he said, "Please will you give a donation then?". I feel a bit ashamed to say that I said no. I will explain why in a minute. I tried to do it in a nice way, saying very quickly with a warm smile on my face, "Awwwww no, but listen I hope that your mum has a really lovely birthday. Good Luck! Bye!"

My family were all over and there were mixed responses as to wether I should have gave him a couple of quid or not. I'd never harm a child neither physically or in a way that hurt their feelings and so I felt a bit mean afterwards.

I didn't give the money because I felt there was something "not right" about this situation and my initial instinct was that this child was being exploited somehow.

Please believe that I am not a snob but this is very much a middle class neighbourhood and I know most of the children who live here by sight, there aren't really many to be honest. I don't believe this child was local, I think he was brought here. There are alot of baby boomers who live here and any families tend to be ones with parents who had children later in life once they had established careers. In fact there are no young families at all really. There is a very rough council estate about a mile away, a bit like the one on the BBC last week and I think this child could have been from there. My reasons for thinking this way are because I often work with at risk families who live on that estate and this child was typical of a child from this area. He was unkempt, had a skinhead haircut, and a strong gruff accent. He was also extremely vulnerable, being only six or seven years old knocking (seemingly alone) on stranger's doors and had no parent with him. Surely as a parent of a 6/7 year old you would not want your child to be knocking on doors in a strange area? As soon as I shut the door, I ran to the upstairs window to see if he was alone as I was concerned for his safety and would have gone out to ask him where he lived and tried to get him home safely had he been alone. It was then that I saw the older girl, as I said 12-14 years old, overweight, dressed in a crop top and teeny tiny hot pants (I.e extremely inappropriate for a child) in high winds and rain carrying a bucket and sponge (to clean cars with). I watched them cross an extremely busy dual carriageway and head off to into another neighbourhood. I can't understand why this girl didn't come to the door with her brother (?). It was almost as if she knew sending him alone, looking so helpless, would increase the chance of money coming their way. Or had someone told them this?

I now feel that they had been sent out to work/beg and worry that maybe they had a parent or parents who were addicts as this is a significant problem locally. As I say, I know most of the local children and know the same old regular "Trick or Treaters" who appear each year (with parents!) and I know that these two children aren't from this immediate neighbourhood. There was alot that didn't ring true. For example, at 4pm on a Sunday, the local shops weren't open and it was school the next day so when were they going to buy the present. It all seemed very rehearsed. At 12-14 (even now in fact) I wouldn't feel comfortable taking a bucket into a strangers house and filling it (to wash the car), surely the older girl knew this was dangerous? Especially as she was dressed so skimpily. I feel really sorry for these two kids.

Has anyone else experienced something similar to this? Would you have given money to the little boy? If he comes back what would you do?

SmallL

I wouldn't have given money to them, purely because i wouldnt give anyone money if they asked,whatever their age or 'circumstance'. As you can never be sure of their true intentions.
Clearly the kids haven't got the best parents/carers to allow them to behave like that/dress that way.

My OH was asked by a disabled man (in a wheelchair) to wheel him down the street, he did so, he then asked for bus money as he forgot his, my OH gave him his bus money, he then asked for him to go to an atm as it wasnt enough!! my OH quickly made his excuses and left. People take advantage of those with a kind nature, all this happened simply because my OH likes to smile at people in the street rather than looking down- its a sad society.

And thats the reason i wont give money.

Kildare

I haven't experienced this at my front door, though I have had children beg from me in a coffee shop while their parents waited outside

I wouldn't have given him any money either, he's too young to be out washing cars and asking for a donation is begging. I would either have tried to walk him home or would have done as you did and watched him from the window to see if he was ok.

milliemonster

Personally I think you are going waaaaay too OTT with this, a 12-14 yr old girl was with him for a start so he wasn't on his own and really you have jumped to so many conclusions in your post just from the way the poor kids were dressed! (ie they had drug addict parents who had set them up to do this)

Why can't you just for a minute step back and think that these kids were just being entrepreneurial?, nobody knows for sure but I think it's fantastic that 2 kids are out there trying to earn some pocket money rather than it just being handed on a plate to them while they sit in in front of an Xbox all day every day. Isn't this how some of our greatest business leaders started out, I'm thinking Richard Branson, Bill Gates etc

Stop thinking that every child who's a bit unkempt or not dressed in what you deem as appropriate is 'at risk', a few decades ago kids did this kind of thing all the time and nobody batted an eyelid, now we can't let them be kids, use their imagination and get outside, we have to coop them up because they might get abducted/run over etc etc, it's ridiculous!

I would have let them wash my car and given them a few quid if they did a good job personally.

Tiglath

No I wouldn't have given any money, and I think you handled the situation gracefully. I'm just wondering if they were scoping out the house/neighbourhood to see who's home during the day or possibly away on holiday, but then I'm suspicious like that.

SmallL

milliemonster wrote: »

Stop thinking that every child who's a bit unkempt or not dressed in what you deem as appropriate is 'at risk'.

How is a crop top and hotpants on a 12-14 year old girl in the wind and rain appropriate in anyones eyes :rotfl:

faerie~spangles

Poor wee mite.

You were right not to give him money though.

Sounds to me that the children have been sent out to beg.

ETA, I would inform the police.

PinkLipgloss

milliemonster wrote: »

I would have let them wash my car and given them a few quid if they did a good job personally.

Unless I knew the parents I would not feel at all comfortable with doing that.

However that is perhaps because I'm a primary teacher and therefore constantly aware of child protection issues.

heretolearn_2

It's impossible to really know.

But my gut feeling is much the same as above. They were out trying to earn a bit of money -whether for mum's birthday, sweets or the latest X box game, who knows. And probably big sis WAS trying to exploit kid brother's cute factor in hoping people would just give him something without their having to earn it. But the bucket and sponge shows they were genuinely going to do it.

Maybe they were dressed that way so they don't ruin their good stuff when they get all wet washing cars?

When it snowed badly last winter a couple of lads knocked wanting to clear our steps/path - I said no as it actually gets worse and icy if you do it, it's best to leave the snow, but thumbs up to them for a bit of initiative. I have paid kids to wash car in the past. None of them were kids I knew from our street.

When I was a kid I had someone who used to pay me 50p to walk their dog, and someone who'd pay me 50p to rake all the leaves off their lawn. Several friends used to work on milkrounds (anyone else remember the horde of kids who used to do all the running up and down the paths with stuff while the milkman just sat on the float, every milkman did it then). When you are a kid it's actually FUN to do stuff like this and it feels great to earn your own money.

I've just remembered going round carol singing and knocking on doors too. Haven't heard any kids out carol singing for must be over ten years. That's quite sad...

miss_independent

milliemonster wrote: »

Personally I think you are going waaaaay too OTT with this, a 12-14 yr old girl was with him for a start so he wasn't on his own and really you have jumped to so many conclusions in your post just from the way the poor kids were dressed! (ie they had drug addict parents who had set them up to do this)

Why can't you just for a minute step back and think that these kids were just being entrepreneurial?, nobody knows for sure but I think it's fantastic that 2 kids are out there trying to earn some pocket money rather than it just being handed on a plate to them while they sit in in front of an Xbox all day every day. Isn't this how some of our greatest business leaders started out, I'm thinking Richard Branson, Bill Gates etc

Stop thinking that every child who's a bit unkempt or not dressed in what you deem as appropriate is 'at risk', a few decades ago kids did this kind of thing all the time and nobody batted an eyelid, now we can't let them be kids, use their imagination and get outside, we have to coop them up because they might get abducted/run over etc etc, it's ridiculous!

I would have let them wash my car and given them a few quid if they did a good job personally.

Thanks for your response. It wasn't merely the fact that they were unkempt (some of the most unkempt children I have seen have had wealthy backgrounds!) it was the fact they were knocking on doors in strange area begging for money and also, as I've said, I work with children and families who truly are "at risk", who are often born addicted to heroin or other drugs and these kids did remind me of the kids I work with. My instincts just tell me that the was something not right with this situation. This little boy had clearly been rehearsed and, also, even at 12 to 14, I would have had to ask permission to go door to door washing cars/begging, to borrow bucket, sponge etc and there is no way I would have got it. I don't think any parent in their right mind would allow it tbh. But I get where you are coming from, maybe I'm overreacting. But my instincts tell me no.

miss_independent

lisawood78 wrote: »

May get slated for saying so, but the girls choice of clothing may suggest children from the traveller community, at least this was my first thought.
I wouldn't have given money either, whatever the reason that litttle boy should not have been going house to house for money.

In the past I've worked with Travellers and know the local communities pretty well and I have to admit, when I saw him this was the first thing I thought too as alot of Travellers do knock on our door asking for work or scrap. There were some things that made me think this wasn't the case also however but either way, the kids were, IMHO, being exploited.