How to end a friendship?

mrsrwallace

thanks for replies

yeah part of me wants to hang round long enough to see her get her come-uppance (oh i do have a bad bone in my body after all!) but i also looked up those links sent to me from previous posters and i have to say it would seem that i probably would be banging my head against a brick wall. Apparently she is not doing anything illegal. She is living alone and he has his house and they are not technically living together as man and wife (even though they are married still). I would need to be really devious and clever to gather actual evidence such as the toothbrush, men's toiletries etc etc but she is soooo clever and crafty she would have nothing on display.

Mmmmmm.....what's a girl to do!? You know when you know you are right but you just can't prove it!

Stephb1986_2

If you are thinking of shopping her please be careful because if she finds out it's you, you could be in real bother.

There was a friend of a friend she was committing benefit fraud and someone shopped them they got community service and ordered to pay back the money it was a few hundred thousand. This was only a few years ago.

Steph xx

Yorkie1

Stephb1986 wrote: »

If you are thinking of shopping her please be careful because if she finds out it's you, you could be in real bother.

There was a friend of a friend she was committing benefit fraud and someone shopped them they got community service and ordered to pay back the money it was a few hundred thousand. This was only a few years ago.

Steph xx

I don't understand your post; why should someone reporting fraud be in real bother?

A report is just that - something which the authorities decide whether to investigate. If there is insufficient evidence to take the matter forward (whether administratively or through prosecution), then it ends there.

If there is sufficient evidence then the relevant procedure takes its natural course.

In neither situation is the 'reporter' in trouble. And if there is indeed sufficient evidence to prosecute and convict the fraudster, then they've brought it on themselves and have nobody else to blame.

Own_My_Own

mrsrwallace wrote: »

thanks for replies

yeah part of me wants to hang round long enough to see her get her come-uppance (oh i do have a bad bone in my body after all!) but i also looked up those links sent to me from previous posters and i have to say it would seem that i probably would be banging my head against a brick wall. Apparently she is not doing anything illegal. She is living alone and he has his house and they are not technically living together as man and wife (even though they are married still). I would need to be really devious and clever to gather actual evidence such as the toothbrush, men's toiletries etc etc but she is soooo clever and crafty she would have nothing on display.

Mmmmmm.....what's a girl to do!? You know when you know you are right but you just can't prove it!

You don't have to prove it. You just have to report it.

minniemaus1970

OP-please be aware that it might come back on you when you 'shop' her.
She'll be suspecting you straight away since you always ask personal questions. You might lose more than her as a friend, the whole group could fall out over this. Then there is the Karma/ guilt to deal with after. Maybe you should deal with your jealousy-issue instead and just stay away from her, nothing worse than a false friend, at least you know where you re at with enemies and you can look them in the eye when they attack you, a false friend will stab you in the back and you had no idea.
I promise you , you will not feel better after shopping her, even worse if everything was legal in the first place, you were wrong and upset someone for nothing but a jealous feeling.

MM
PS My dear friend has been separated for a few years and currently can't afford the divorce. Her ex sometimes stays over for the kids sake, nothing to do with sex or a partnership, they re both dating other people
They're still the kids parents and are a united front for the kids, apart from that they go they're separate ways. And yes the kids do have a lot more GUILT presents, like most kids from broken relationships.

Yorkie1

minniemaus1970 wrote: »

OP-please be aware that it might come back on you when you 'shop' her.
She'll be suspecting you straight away since you always ask personal questions. You might lose more than her as a friend, the whole group could fall out over this. Then there is the Karma/ guilt to deal with after. Maybe you should deal with your jealousy-issue instead and just stay away from her, nothing worse than a false friend, at least you know where you re at with enemies and you can look them in the eye when they attack you, a false friend will stab you in the back and you had no idea.
I promise you , you will not feel better after shopping her, even worse if everything was legal in the first place, you were wrong and upset someone for nothing but a jealous feeling.

Whilst there may well be wider repercussions, I think it is somewhat presumptuous of you to say that the OP will face karma/guilt for reporting a suspected offender, and to state categorically how badly the OP will feel after reporting the said suspected offender.

minniemaus1970

sorry if it has been written wrong
she MAY not feel better after all, it's her choice at the end of the day and people should see ALL that can happen, not just what they wanna hear. devils advocat and all that......... I am also entitled to an opinion.
and I don't think I was presumptuous at all

PRESOUMTUOUS
(of a person or their behavior) Failing to observe the limits of what is permitted or appropriate.
Synonyms:
arrogant - presuming - conceited - overweening - insolent

I have recently ended a friendship, and I still don't feel good about it, however at least I don't have to pretend anymore

MM

Yorkie1

I'm sorry to hear about the end of your friendship minniemaus. It must have been hard.

Of course you're entitled to your opinion, but you were indeed presuming how the OP would feel, based on your own experience.

ginger_tony

Well Mrs Wallace l think if your a true friend you would mind your own business as if your friend chooses to defraud the benefit system then she is the one who would pay the price ie. prison or fine if caught doing so. l appreciate your situation with debt is bad and it isnt fair but if your friend has taking the risk to clear her debts and if she is a closed person maybe her situation was desperate enough for her to do this maybe she felt she had no other option l personally couldnt do it l wouldnt be able to sleep at night. l think this form of benefit fraud will increase as the system doesnt favour couples and many of us would benefit from claiming seperating but it depends on if you can front it out l suppose.

lostinrates

ginger_tony wrote: »

Well Mrs Wallace l think if your a true friend you would mind your own business as if your friend chooses to defraud the benefit system then she is the one who would pay the price ie. prison or fine if caught doing so. l appreciate your situation with debt is bad and it isnt fair but if your friend has taking the risk to clear her debts and if she is a closed person maybe her situation was desperate enough for her to do this maybe she felt she had no other option l personally couldnt do it l wouldnt be able to sleep at night. l think this form of benefit fraud will increase as the system doesnt favour couples and many of us would benefit from claiming seperating but it depends on if you can front it out l suppose.

I just cannot see how neing a 'true friend' and tolerating fraud are related tbh. A true friend would not defruad people because she would realise they are all paying for it.


but, i do agree with others, the husband staying over, and even 'sex' does not mean living as man and wife.

Just because she appears to have more does not equal fraud. If you think it is then please do report it.