bullying dilema.

NewKittenHelp

Mention it? I think you should tell your friend exactly what kind of an evil scumbag his great grandson is. But that's just me.

Barneysmom

warehouse wrote: »

A rascal? Bullies ruin lives, they're little bas*ards, not rascals. Other than that I agree with you.

If the school haven't nipped this in the bud already then I'd be seriously concerned OP. Tell your daughter to get serious with the school and stop !!!!!footing around.

I was being polite.

Lotus-eater

For good or for bad, I couldn't be quiet, but I would make sure I said something before the alcohol got a hold of me.
It could be said in a totally non combative way and in a way that meant you could work together to sort this out.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Saint_Chris wrote: »

I kept quiet last year, when it was going on.

(when i say him, i mean his grandad, his grandma died 18 months ago), we've been friends for 15 years.

But now i want him to know what a bully of a great-grandson he has, i want him to feel the pain i feel when, my grandson cries on my knee, because he doesn't want to go to school, and he tells you what this child (sorry animal) does to him.

There's a meeting at school on tuesday morning, with parents, head teacher and govenor. But till after this meeting, we've been advised to keep our grandson off school.

That makes it sound like you're actively planning on creating a big, dramatic scene where you can hurt someone you call a friend in public. But you don't quite have the guts to do it, so you're planning to knock back a couple of vodkas so you can dismiss the hurt you could cause him as 'oh, well, the drink made me do it'.


Just stay off the sauce and stay indoors. A drunken Grandma screaming the odds at a distant relation to even up the odds somewhat isn't an attractive prospect and could result in you never being welcome anyone ever again.



Let Mum deal with her own child rather than bringing the playground to the boozer.

Saint_Chris

That makes it sound like you're actively planning on creating a big, dramatic
scene where you can hurt someone you call a friend in public. But you don't
quite have the guts to do it, so you're planning to knock back a couple of
vodkas so you can dismiss the hurt you could cause him as 'oh, well, the drink
made me do it'.


Just stay off the sauce and stay indoors. A drunken
Grandma screaming the odds at a distant relation to even up the odds somewhat
isn't an attractive prospect and could result in you never being welcome anyone
ever again.

Not planning on any big scene, infact quite a few of the women in our group know about what was going on last year, i've not yet told them about the past weeks bullying.
I don't want to hurt him, which is why i never mentioned anything last year, but now it's got to the point where, i believe he should know what's going on, and should be made aware.
I'm not planning on knocking back any more vodkas than i usually do on a regular saturday night out,
but the drink won't make me do it.

i've decided that tomorrow i'm going his grandads house and i'm going to tell him the truth about his precious great-grandson, and what a rotton bully he is, and if the words hurt, then so be it, because that is what the child is.

Then tomorrow night i will text my friends and make a excuse up as to not to go out, the following saturday again, probably not go, because i think that this will be the end of a long friendship.

But i don't care because i care about the feelings of my little boy,

Fire_Fox

Saint_Chris wrote: »

I kept quiet last year, when it was going on.

(when i say him, i mean his grandad, his grandma died 18 months ago), we've been friends for 15 years.

But now i want him to know what a bully of a great-grandson he has, i want him to feel the pain i feel when, my grandson cries on my knee, because he doesn't want to go to school, and he tells you what this child (sorry animal) does to him.

There's a meeting at school on tuesday morning, with parents, head teacher and govenor. But till after this meeting, we've been advised to keep our grandson off school.

Why are you saying 'we' have been advised, surely the parents have been advised to keep their child off school? Why do you want to hurt the great grandparents? It is not your place to deal with this and, more importantly, not their fault. If you cannot keep your mouth shut stay away, you are wrong to even want to raise this.

Why should your friend be made aware, what exactly do you think that will achieve? Potentially irreparably damage relationships between friends, put your friend in the nightmare position of interfering with/ criticising their grandchild's parenting or upset the family by not saying anything. You could be the instigator ructions that will resonate for years.

And what are you teaching the children? Not to use the proper channels in cases of bullying. If the school's bullying policy is a failure that needs to be addressed.

Yorkie1

You've clearly made your mind up, irrespective of any fall-out for anyone else, just so you can get it off your chest. That sounds very self-indulgent to me and selfish.

Good luck with that.

NewKittenHelp

Yorkie1 wrote: »

You've clearly made your mind up, irrespective of any fall-out for anyone else, just so you can get it off your chest. That sounds very self-indulgent to me and selfish.

Good luck with that.

It doesn't sound selfish to me. Maybe if more people were willing to shame the family members of bullies and scumbags we wouldn't have such a victim-blaming culture?

If the bullies parents don't give a damn about their child's victim, then maybe they'll give a damn when their child's thuggery starts affecting dear old granddad?

Yorkie1

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

It doesn't sound selfish to me. Maybe if more people were willing to shame the family members of bullies and scumbags we wouldn't have such a victim-blaming culture?

If the bullies parents don't give a damn about their child's victim, then maybe they'll give a damn when their child's thuggery starts affecting dear old granddad?

Two quotes from the OP:

There's a meeting at school on tuesday morning, with parents, head teacher and govenor. But till after this meeting, we've been advised to keep our grandson off school.

i want him to feel the pain i feel

There is a formal meeting on Tuesday when this is being properly addressed.

The posts from the OP indicate this is all about her feelings and nothing to do with resolving this properly. There are proper channels which are clearly under way with the appropriate people involved. The parents and therefore grandparents will become aware in a much more appropriate way imminently if not already.

As I said, this escalates it beyond what is necessary and certainly reasonable. And risks completely undoing the work which the school are putting in place at present. It's all about the OP's feelings and inability to see the bigger picture.

NewKittenHelp

Yorkie1 wrote: »

Two quotes from the OP:

There is a formal meeting on Tuesday when this is being properly addressed.

The posts from the OP indicate this is all about her feelings and nothing to do with resolving this properly. There are proper channels which are clearly under way with the appropriate people involved. The parents and therefore grandparents will become aware in a much more appropriate way imminently if not already.

As I said, this escalates it beyond what is necessary and certainly reasonable. And risks completely undoing the work which the school are putting in place at present. It's all about the OP's feelings and inability to see the bigger picture.

Perhaps she is seeing the bigger picture? Familial pressure would solve an issue with bullies far quicker/better than a school could. Bullies and their parents rely on the fact that the victims feel ashamed of what's happened/happening to them. The bullies like the power, and the parents want to keep their little bully safe from judgement. All too often at the expense of the victim.

I don't really hold with the idea that everything should be kept hush hush so the bully can go on with life as if nothing's happened. I think they should be shamed publicly, and if that means that dear little old granddad at the social club feels one iota of the pain that this victim's family have felt, then so be it. Maybe then the parents of bullies will start to really tackle the issue head on.