Why is it.....

thehappybutterfly

It sounds to me like she's jealous and not a very good friend really. I'm afraid I disagree with the posters who suggest avoiding talking about weight loss in front of her - why should you? Everyone knows what it's like when your dieting and it's going well - you become a diet bore, the same way you become a boyfriend/new job/pregnancy bore - you want to share your news. If she was a real friend, she'd support you even if she was a little jealous. She'd keep it to herself or better still, take tips and join in! Good luck in your quest Raven - I hope you do well!

lostinrates

I think the 'if she were a real friend ' business cuts both ways. Of course, in an ideal worl, friends would be mutually sensitive and supportive. But here op has recognised that her friend for whatever reason, (and i also think jealousy or fear of her own issues is the most likely root, but it could be something else, we don't really know) has made it clear from her behaviour this is an uncomfortable situation, perhaps a real friend would not continue to mention it in front of her?

I think we have to accept our friends and families have the same flaws, inconsistancies and failings as we ourselves do and cut each other some slack, surely? Op, keep up the good work, though, and just recognise it as sopmething not to be drawn into.

tesuhoha

I know exactly what you mean. I used to talk to a woman at work who was quite overweight, more so than me, about how I wanted to slim and she used to say to me 'when you get to our age, your face looks haggard when you try to lose too much weight. I'd rather have a few pounds than look like that.'

I recently heard that she's lost so much weight that she's now a size 10 and is 'really happy'.

marisco_2

raven83 wrote: »

Or is it my friend wanting me to stay how I am because they insecure within themselves?

I think you have hit the nail on the head here. What is it with women and them having certain friends for different things. We all have our shopping mates, drinking mates, shoulder to cry on mates, go out for dinner mates, act a bit crazy with mates etc etc you get my drift.

Well up to a few years ago I was the 'hang round with her because she is chubbier than me and makes me look fab' mate. Hence when I got my fat butt in gear and lost the excess weight some so called friends dropped away like flies. I no longer fulfilled their need in me and was cast aside. Their loss, I have now made some more genuine friends. Losing weight helped me lose more excess baggage than I ever imagined. Ex friends included I probably shifted about 21 stone :rotfl:

mgdavid

....that when you want to lose weight you feel the need to discuss it with people at all? jfdi.

coolcait

lostinrates wrote: »

Whatever it is, you know there is an issue. If you want the friend ship to last it might be worth bearing thios in mind, in the future she might tell you her problem, or not.

If she offers chocolate i would perhaps avoid the weight issue with 'no thanks, i am trying really hard to do this fice a day thing, if i eat an apple now thats one off the list' or ' you know, i am feeling better since eating less chocolate, i don't thinkit suits me so trying to cut down.'

If there is a chance this is bugging her, its really not your emotional issue, but you can soften the blow.

I've quoted and thanked your post because it's all excellent advice.

I'd just like to add another option. I know I'm carrying more poundage than the recommended/accepted levels. It's not an issue for me right now because my skinny phases have usually coincided with my stressed/depressed phases. And my fat phases have usually concided with my 'happy in my own skin' phases. Or my 'Happy. Full stop' phases.

If I'm offered chocolate, sometimes I'll eat it. Sometimes I'll say 'No thanks. Not right now'.

If I ever get to the stage that I'm trying to lose poundage I'll take the same approach.

faerie~spangles

raven83 wrote: »

.......that when you decide to lose some weight certain so called friends get a bit funny with you, or is it just me?

Ok so I've decided to try losing some baggage, currently a bit too porky around the middle for my liking:o When I discuss with a certain friend about wanting to lose weight or how I am not happy with how I look I get a cold response. It really annoys me because I am made to feel as if I don't need to lose weight, or that I am fine how I am when it is obvious I am not. Is it me being insensitive? Or is it my friend wanting me to stay how I am because they insecure within themselves?

Playing Devil's advocate:

Your friend is sick to the back teeth of listening to you bemoaning the lack of ...

coolcait

tesuhoha wrote: »

I know exactly what you mean. I used to talk to a woman at work who was quite overweight, more so than me, about how I wanted to slim and she used to say to me 'when you get to our age, your face looks haggard when you try to lose too much weight. I'd rather have a few pounds than look like that.'

I recently heard that she's lost so much weight that she's now a size 10 and is 'really happy'.

I call that [name deleted] syndrome.

An actress was once widely quoted as saying (roughly) "Once you get to a certain age you have to choose between your face and your @ss". Each repetition of the quote accompanied by a photo of her beautiful face.

[Allegedly] she had work done.

Leaving me (and other believers) with an unattended @ss, and a face which was plumped up with my own fat cells rather than 'donor fat cells'.

Personally, I'm glad I followed her advice rather than her example.

System

From the other side of the coin, i have a friend (i say friend we've grown apart in recent years) who has lost loads of weight. Don't get me wrong, i am happy for her, and congratulated her on her weight loss BUT its all she talks about. I'm overweight myself and have been trying so hard to lose weight and not having much luck so it really wears me down when every conversation is about weight loss and clothes shopping and forever posting pictures. I kind of feel left out because i'm the fat friend and i don't fit in with her and all her thin friends.

I'm not suggesting this is happening in your case, but it could maybe be why she's being a bit off. I

charlieann

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Everyone knows what it's like when your dieting and it's going well - you become a diet bore, the same way you become a boyfriend/new job/pregnancy bore - you want to share your news.

Oops this is definately me, and I can see everyone getting bored of my repeated stories but can't help myself.


OP, I'm probably like your friend in the fact that I can be cold to my colleagues when they are talking about losing weight because I hear it so much. What's even more annoying is none of them are that big that it's a necessity, one I'm even concerned that they have a distorted body image as they are smaller than me and my BMI is on the low side. You can guarantee that after Xmas, Easter and holidays they will always be on a diet they will then take 10 min's uming and ahing over whether to have a slice of cake in the staffroom before sharing a piece. To me it's not a difficult choice. Have a piece if you want one, do extra exercise to burn off additional calories if your bothered about them. I avoid spending too long in the staff romm at certain times as I start to struggle holding my tongue after 6 years of this!