Why is it.....

raven83

.......that when you decide to lose some weight certain so called friends get a bit funny with you, or is it just me?

Ok so I've decided to try losing some baggage, currently a bit too porky around the middle for my liking:o When I discuss with a certain friend about wanting to lose weight or how I am not happy with how I look I get a cold response. It really annoys me because I am made to feel as if I don't need to lose weight, or that I am fine how I am when it is obvious I am not. Is it me being insensitive? Or is it my friend wanting me to stay how I am because they insecure within themselves?

browneyedbazzi

It may be that the friend feels a bit insecure and sensitive about their weight.

If they are bigger than you and you're talking about you needing to lose weight then they might think that implies they need to lose too (which may be true but they might not like to hear it).

Fire_Fox

Only they know what is underlying their response, since they are a friend why don't you ask? It might be they really don't think you need to lose weight, might be they don't want to seem too enthusiastic in case it comes over as thinking you are too big all along.

Tropez

I suppose it depends on a) what you mean by a cold response and b) how "porky" you are around the middle.

I know a woman who was recently celebrating how much better she looked now she had lost the flab around her midriff and honestly, I didn't even notice any flab there to begin with and though I can tell she has lost a little bit of weight I was actually more surprised that an otherwise healthy looking woman actually had a negative body image over such a small amount of weight.

But I suppose that's it - in my opinion, she didn't need to lose that weight and it was not obvious to me that it wasn't fine how she was. She feels better for losing it and I'm not one to argue that, but perhaps your friends don't feel the same way about you as I did about her? It might not be a case of your friend being insecure, just not really understanding why you want to.

I do think though that if you're planning to lose weight, it is always better to just do it on the quiet. If nothing else, when your friends compliment you on having lost weight, you'll know that it is sincere.

raven83

I don't make a big deal out of it, but when they ask "why you not eating chocolate" I just say, "Cos I am trying to be good a shift some weight" That's when I get the cold off response. My friend is about the same size of me, though different build, while I've made the point of saying I'm not happy with how I am, my friend has always said her weight don't bother her as she loves her bum and chest and never has a shortage of admirers, so it does confuse me slightly.

balletshoes

raven83 wrote: »

.......that when you decide to lose some weight certain so called friends get a bit funny with you, or is it just me?

Ok so I've decided to try losing some baggage, currently a bit too porky around the middle for my liking:o When I discuss with a certain friend about wanting to lose weight or how I am not happy with how I look I get a cold response. It really annoys me because I am made to feel as if I don't need to lose weight, or that I am fine how I am when it is obvious I am not. Is it me being insensitive? Or is it my friend wanting me to stay how I am because they insecure within themselves?

please don't take this the wrong way - but how many times have you had a similar conversation with this friend? Its just I have one friend and one work colleague who regularly tell me they're fat, that they need to lose weight etc. Now if they really feel that way and want to do something about it, good on them, but to be honest it kind of washes over me now, because most of the time its all talk.

It may be that your friend is saying/suggesting to you that you don't need to lose weight, that you're fine the way you are, because either she does think that, or she thinks thats what you want to hear? Its a pretty much bog-standard response really.

Maybe you need to spell it out to her? That you're serious, that you're doing something about it, and you'd like her support?

Fire_Fox

raven83 wrote: »

I don't make a big deal out of it, but when they ask "why you not eating chocolate" I just say, "Cos I am trying to be good a shift some weight" That's when I get the cold off response. My friend is about the same size of me, though different build, while I've made the point of saying I'm not happy with how I am, my friend has always said her weight don't bother her as she loves her bum and chest and never has a shortage of admirers, so it does confuse me slightly.

But what do you mean by cold? If she likes her size she could well think you don't need to lose anything.

raven83

Tropez wrote: »

I suppose it depends on a) what you mean by a cold response and b) how "porky" you are around the middle.

I know a woman who was recently celebrating how much better she looked now she had lost the flab around her midriff and honestly, I didn't even notice any flab there to begin with and though I can tell she has lost a little bit of weight I was actually more surprised that an otherwise healthy looking woman actually had a negative body image over such a small amount of weight.

But I suppose that's it - in my opinion, she didn't need to lose that weight and it was not obvious to me that it wasn't fine how she was. She feels better for losing it and I'm not one to argue that, but perhaps your friends don't feel the same way about you as I did about her? It might not be a case of your friend being insecure, just not really understanding why you want to.

I do think though that if you're planning to lose weight, it is always better to just do it on the quiet. If nothing else, when your friends compliment you on having lost weight, you'll know that it is sincere.

No, I need to lose about 3 stone as I have really pilled it on lately, due to just over indulging so it isn't a case that I am just being picky with my weight, I do have it to lose.

balletshoes wrote: »

please don't take this the wrong way - but how many times have you had a similar conversation with this friend? Its just I have one friend and one work colleague who regularly tell me they're fat, that they need to lose weight etc. Now if they really feel that way and want to do something about it, good on them, but to be honest it kind of washes over me now, because most of the time its all talk.

It may be that your friend is saying/suggesting to you that you don't need to lose weight, that you're fine the way you are, because either she does think that, or she thinks thats what you want to hear? Its a pretty much bog-standard response really.

Maybe you need to spell it out to her? That you're serious, that you're doing something about it, and you'd like her support?

I am serious about losing it this time, I lost a load, about 3 years ago almost 3 stone, and this same friend hardly spoke to me and ignored me. When ever someone complimented me or asked me how I was losing it, my friend hated it, and it wasn't me just being paranoid, she would blank me or give me yes no answers when I made convo with her, it really frustrated me, I felt guilty for trying to get healthy and improve myself.

raven83

Fire_Fox wrote: »

But what do you mean by cold? If she likes her size she could well think you don't need to lose anything.

She will act distant and when I try talking to her she is blantely off with me, because when someone else talks to her she is all smiles and chirpy but not like that with me. It isn't only me that notices it, other people have picked it up too.

londonsurrey

Two possible options:

- she's an envious cow who you're well shot of

- this conversation has happened before - you're the same weight, you told her you want to lose weight, she's told you before that she's happy with her weight, so leave it. Don't talk to her about weight. There are lots of other things to talk about.

kjmtidea

I would say she seems a little jealous, perhaps deep down she does want to lose weight but doesn't have the motivation?

I have recently lost 2 1/2 stone and the comments/support from friends has been fab, definitely keeps me motivated