Why is it.....

uksavergirl

I don't think many people relish telling their friends that they need to lose some weight. Even if you bring up the subject first, it can still be hurtful to hear someone agree with you that you need to lose weight. My Mum used to do this to me - she was a bit too honest for her own good and instead of saying 'don't be silly, you're beautiful as you are', she would tell me 'yes I should' in a matter of fact kind of way. This didn't exactly fill me with self-confidence. Sometimes people just need to hear that they look good from their friends in order to feel confident about themselves. Perhaps your friend is thinking that she should tell you that you look good for this reason, but her 'off' behaviour could just stem from her feeling uncomfortable about sounding insincere?

1940sGal

raven83 wrote: »

She will act distant and when I try talking to her she is blantely off with me, because when someone else talks to her she is all smiles and chirpy but not like that with me. It isn't only me that notices it, other people have picked it up too.

Like others have said it could be for several reasons. She might say she's comfy in her own skin and being whatever size she is but can you be sure? And if she isn't, and you lost the weight, it might make her even more insecure next to you. That's a pretty common thing. I think most women who have weight issues feel insecure next to skinny friends. I know i sure as hell do!

Talking to her is the best thing you can do. Tell her how you feel. She might not even realise you feel like you do. Ask her for her support during the process, tell her you'd do a lot better with her behind you. You never know, despite what she's said she might join in.

Hope you sort it anyway

lostinrates

Whatever it is, you know there is an issue. If you want the friend ship to last it might be worth bearing thios in mind, in the future she might tell you her problem, or not.

If she offers chocolate i would perhaps avoid the weight issue with 'no thanks, i am trying really hard to do this fice a day thing, if i eat an apple now thats one off the list' or ' you know, i am feeling better since eating less chocolate, i don't thinkit suits me so trying to cut down.'

If there is a chance this is bugging her, its really not your emotional issue, but you can soften the blow.

raven83

I definitely don't think it is a case of her wanting to spare my feelings, we have been friends since we was in our teens and been through a lot together. But I really thinks she has issues with me when I want to lose weight. She will often try tempting with chocolate and things, and invite me round for take away knowing I should really have it.

BitterAndTwisted

As you said, she's a "so-called friend". A real one wouldn't behave in the way you have described.

Where weight is concerned, between women there is no right answer: it's either "NO! You're just great the way you are!" or "Yes, you really should lose a couple of kilos, chubbybum", so many are tempted to just stay right away from the whole subject. But that's not the way your friend has acted, is it?

cottonhead

My guess is its jealousy. I might be wrong but is she slimmer than you ? If so then she probably wants to remain the slim one of the duo.
Recently at work I was stood next to another girl that I know has been trying to loose weight. She always makes a song and dance when she has lost a few pounds. Anyway a lady nearby called over and said I looked slimmer and had I lost weight recently. You should have seen the other girls face - she didnt think I had seen but it was the most evil look ! Some women just dont like other people having sucess and its usually because they share the same hang ups but do nothing about them. I would question how good a friend she is acting that way. She should be supportive of you and encourage you to loose weight for your health if nothing else. Anyway good luck. I started another diet today and also need to shift 3 stone. All the best X

raven83

cottonhead wrote: »

My guess is its jealousy. I might be wrong but is she slimmer than you ? If so then she probably wants to remain the slim one of the duo.
Recently at work I was stood next to another girl that I know has been trying to loose weight. She always makes a song and dance when she has lost a few pounds. Anyway a lady nearby called over and said I looked slimmer and had I lost weight recently. You should have seen the other girls face - she didnt think I had seen but it was the most evil look ! Some women just dont like other people having sucess and its usually because they share the same hang ups but do nothing about them. I would question how good a friend she is acting that way. She should be supportive of you and encourage you to loose weight for your health if nothing else. Anyway good luck. I started another diet today and also need to shift 3 stone. All the best X

Thank you, I turn 30 next year and I want to lose the weight by then, am determined this time

She isn't smaller than me, we have different builds, I am short and small with weight to my tummy mostly whereas she is tall and bigger framed but has bigger bum than me. She is lucky her weight don't bother her, or so she says, but for me it does, it makes me really insecure.

Saturnalia

Some friends certainly do hate friends being successful, don't they?

My mum lost 5 stone. She carried it so well that while it was clear she was a little bit chubby, it was a shock to hear she was so much overweight in fact well into the obese category. After a lifetime of "diet-starts-Monday" (and ends on Wednesday) she knuckled down and did it!

She looked different size-wise obviously, but she stood up straighter, smiled all the time, glowed with health and just sparkled everywhere she went! And everyone noticed and complimented her, apart from one so-called friend who never said anything, apart from loudly huffing "I can't see the difference" whenever someone else complimented my mum in her earshot.

And yes, this friend a) is a bit sharp-tongued and b) was huge then, gaining weight at a rate of knots, her husband if not an actual "feeder" is certainly an "enabler" and about 5 years on is ill and housebound, largely due to her size.

meames_2

uksavergirl wrote: »

I don't think many people relish telling their friends that they need to lose some weight. Even if you bring up the subject first, it can still be hurtful to hear someone agree with you that you need to lose weight. My Mum used to do this to me - she was a bit too honest for her own good and instead of saying 'don't be silly, you're beautiful as you are', she would tell me 'yes I should' in a matter of fact kind of way. This didn't exactly fill me with self-confidence. Sometimes people just need to hear that they look good from their friends in order to feel confident about themselves. Perhaps your friend is thinking that she should tell you that you look good for this reason, but her 'off' behaviour could just stem from her feeling uncomfortable about sounding insincere?

My mum and dad are always on diets and I do need to loose weight but because they are on a diet she just said " so are you going back to weight watchers? - You should". Charming!!!

Actually, this is a common problem. There was one woman I know whose husband was so jealous of her losing weight that he stopped her from having healthy meals and would throw away the fruit and veg. Some people like to have a 'fat friend' so they can feel better about themselves - I'm not saying this is how your friend feels, but I have had friends who when I thought about it, have discouraged me or sabotaged the diet by doing things like buying pizza that I would be too polite to turn down.

i think someone else has also said if you are talking about it a lot it can get a bit wearing having to be the one to constantly bolster some one elses ego and say "there no need" all the time, she might just be a bit fed up.

I hope it goes well. x

pleasedelete

Why would you need to share the fact that you are hoping to lose weight? Just lose it if you want to.

Maybe they have heard you say it before?

Maybe they think it is a personal thing and don't want to discuss it?