Jealous of wealthy ex?

suki1001

Have you heard of real richness? It sounds like that's what you have. I frequently speak to my children about it when they go to my sister in laws house. They are very rich, yet the youngest still moaned about the size of his large bedroom, which was the smallest in their house when they moved in!

They say they'd like to live like them, but my children get to walk to school. their children have to get a bus or lift in the morning to a private school miles away. Mine can walk to a park and live near their friends, they have to arrange friends over because they don't live near any other children. They get what they want (although they are lovely), I ask my kids is that actually a good thing?

They are certainly very lucky, but so am I, and so are you. I don't mean that in a be grateful for what you've got way - I mean I think you are very lucky.

tattycath

My ex and my OHs ex are both financially better off than us. I wouldn't swap lifestyles with them for the world. We are happy, have each other and budget quite well. (one of the exes is always on a mission of some kind, the other one is always on the bottle-which is a shame for the kids to be honest). I'd rather have happiness than wealth anyday.

Dotty1

Thanks for all the comments, I suppose it only comes to light when she's with him.

I feel much better now and I really wouldn't swap my world.

Dotty1

Fire_Fox wrote: »

If your ex husband is very wealthy and pays more that the required percentage I don't understand why you only have enough to live, are only renting a small house and your partner is obliged to cycle to work. Either you are living in millionaire's row, you don't have a clue how to budget, you have debts from being rubbish with money in the past or this is a troll thread.

Rubbish with money in the past (split debts with ex when we divorced), negative equity on a house I owned with ex, didnt work while daughter little, haven't got enough deposit to buy house etc. It's really not a troll thread, that's made me feel worse :eek: that it sounds so unrealistic. But debts are going down because we actually have enough coming in, if you see what I mean.

Dotty1

suki1001 wrote: »

Have you heard of real richness? It sounds like that's what you have. I frequently speak to my children about it when they go to my sister in laws house. They are very rich, yet the youngest still moaned about the size of his large bedroom, which was the smallest in their house when they moved in!

They say they'd like to live like them, but my children get to walk to school. their children have to get a bus or lift in the morning to a private school miles away. Mine can walk to a park and live near their friends, they have to arrange friends over because they don't live near any other children. They get what they want (although they are lovely), I ask my kids is that actually a good thing?

They are certainly very lucky, but so am I, and so are you. I don't mean that in a be grateful for what you've got way - I mean I think you are very lucky.

xx I know I am

foreign_correspondent

I work with young people - you wouldn't believe how often I hear them complain about a parent trying to 'buy' their affections with gifts and money... invariably they say 's/he thinks they can buy me stuff and it'll all be alright... they do not understand.. all I want is for them to be there for me, to listen to me'

Please do not underestimate the sense and values that teenagers have - they resent the idea that 'stuff' is more important than being valued by their parents!

Honestly, although kids may moan about not getting the shoes/ipad/phone that they want, they actually know that these things are no substitute for feeling loved and understood!

Dotty1

euronorris wrote: »

It sounds like a factor is how you think your daughter will perceive things.

Also, it is also possible that you feel resentment - not jealousy - that someone who you perceive to not be a great/good person, is the one who now has the 'easy' life financially. Like, in your mind, it isn't fair that he gets that because he doesn't 'deserve' it.

He's the one who gets to wow your daughter with fancy things, even though he's not there for her emotionally very much, and you're the one who has to say no to her frequently, even though you are the one who's there for her emotionally all the time.

Trust me when I say this - she will soon reach a point, if she hasn't already, where she will recognise his 'treats' for what they are. A poor consolation prize, for him not being around. That doesn't mean that those items will hold less of a wow factor for her (they're still nice, and she's still a teenager), or that she will refuse them (though it's possible that she might). What it *might* mean is that she starts thinking 'S0d him! If he's not gonna bother being there for him, then I might as well enjoy this item/holiday/money he's given me, but I'm certainly not gonna respect him or love him for it.'.

At least, that is how my OH viewed it with his Dad, and his Dad isn't even wealthy. But he would just show up every few months, and try to buy his way out of trouble with them. It wasn't long before they started taking the gifts/money anyway, but still arguing with him about his lack of effort, presence and general support.

Yes, that's probably exactly what it is. I'm not envious of others with financial wealth.