Jealous of wealthy ex?

Dotty1

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Dear me, the OP expresses problems dealing with jealousy and your first bit of advice is to try and get her to leach a bit extra out of the object of her jealousy - under the guise of child support, making it even worse. Missing the big picture somewhat I fear.

To be honest if he wasn't paying a fair share (which is above what he has to pay) then I would be even worse, so I feel it is relevant. He has not been around emotionally and physically so that is his saving grace and I am trying not to get into that argument.

FATBALLZ

Dotty1 wrote: »

To be honest if he wasn't paying a fair share (which is above what he has to pay) then I would be even worse, so I feel it is relevant. He has not been around emotionally and physically so that is his saving grace and I am trying not to get into that argument.

Of course he should be contributing his share, what I was objecting to was the obvious implication by the poster that you should get more money for yourself - because these are your feelings of jealousy not your childrens - out of him under the cover of child support which is meant to be money for children and not for you. It is underhand and doesn't address the actual issue anyway.

Dotty1

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Of course he should be contributing his share, what I was objecting to was the obvious implication by the poster that you should get more money for yourself - because these are your feelings of jealousy not your childrens - out of him under the cover of child support which is meant to be money for children and not for you. It is underhand and doesn't address the actual issue anyway.

lol I don't think I get more money for me :eek: To be honest if it hadn't been for me he probably wouldn't be rich as he would have had to spend his time looking after his kids, I'm a very cheap nanny compared to the two he has, so perhaps that's part of the resentment

getzls

Dotty1 wrote: »

Does anyone have a wealthy ex husband and how do they deal with the jealousy? Or aren't you jealous at all?

If you have a wealthy ex husband, you should have got a better lawyer.

property.advert

To discount money is futile, whether you want to or not. If you have none, you have to spend all your time generating any income you can, which erodes the perceived flip side of being able to spend more time with the kids.

Fire_Fox

If your ex husband is very wealthy and pays more that the required percentage I don't understand why you only have enough to live, are only renting a small house and your partner is obliged to cycle to work. Either you are living in millionaire's row, you don't have a clue how to budget, you have debts from being rubbish with money in the past or this is a troll thread.

Nottoobadyet

my Ex felt the need to send me a copy of his contract when he got a job paying absolutely loads. Not sure why he sent it, perhaps he was trying to show me that he was finally well off after being the lower earning one while we were together (I paid his rent while he was a student etc).

Can't say I feel jealousy over that at all. I'm not perfect and above it all - we had a good relationship I couldn't say that I'm not jealous of his new partner being treated well by him (I'm sure she is because he treated me like a queen) and getting to build a life with him in a way I couldnt. But the money? Nah.

LandyAndy

My ex is substantially better off than me. I never give it (or her) a second thought.

gadgeteer_2

I guess it's understandable to be a bit envious but where do you draw the line? I always say if you want to compare yourself to people doing better, don't forget to look at those who are not.

It's the grass is always greener syndrome. Had you been together with him then there's no guarantees that life would have worked out this way anyway. And even if it did, you clearly were unhappy together or you wouldnt have split. Would money have made any difference?

So the question boils down to:

"Would you rather be broke & happy or rich and unhappy?"

Another way of looking at it is the fact that your ex now gives you as you put it a 'fair share' of maintenance. In which case he's still indirectly helping as some idiot dad's would happily walk away and leave you with nothing.

euronorris

It sounds like a factor is how you think your daughter will perceive things.

Also, it is also possible that you feel resentment - not jealousy - that someone who you perceive to not be a great/good person, is the one who now has the 'easy' life financially. Like, in your mind, it isn't fair that he gets that because he doesn't 'deserve' it.

He's the one who gets to wow your daughter with fancy things, even though he's not there for her emotionally very much, and you're the one who has to say no to her frequently, even though you are the one who's there for her emotionally all the time.

Trust me when I say this - she will soon reach a point, if she hasn't already, where she will recognise his 'treats' for what they are. A poor consolation prize, for him not being around. That doesn't mean that those items will hold less of a wow factor for her (they're still nice, and she's still a teenager), or that she will refuse them (though it's possible that she might). What it *might* mean is that she starts thinking 'S0d him! If he's not gonna bother being there for him, then I might as well enjoy this item/holiday/money he's given me, but I'm certainly not gonna respect him or love him for it.'.

At least, that is how my OH viewed it with his Dad, and his Dad isn't even wealthy. But he would just show up every few months, and try to buy his way out of trouble with them. It wasn't long before they started taking the gifts/money anyway, but still arguing with him about his lack of effort, presence and general support.