Lending Money to MIL

whitewing

I think money gifted to you/your DH should not be expected to be returned in any form, and private education was your parents' choice. So I say you owe nothing.

It is possible though that the dinner parties etc are actually keeping your MIL's businesses going if she is a good networker. That may be her talent while day to day organisation isn't. In which case, cutbacks in the style may (may not will) be noticeable to attendees and cause speculation, which may have a somewhat adverse effect on the business.

I think you could give her money, don't expect it back. And give what you both feel comfortable with.

FATBALLZ

burnoutbabe wrote: »

but less the 3k already lent and of course the 50% that you could say was lent by dad?

Good point(s), agreed.

Turtle

I'm with you OP. But it might not help that I am livid with my MIL2B today.

tanith

From my very uninformed viewpoint it seems MIL is living beyond her means and your OH should speak to her about earning enough to support the lifestyles she's leading... sorry but I wouldn't be lending her anything till she showed by actions that she is fully aware that she's spending more than she has.

Mojisola

tanith wrote: »

From my very uninformed viewpoint it seems MIL is living beyond her means and your OH should speak to her about earning enough to support the lifestyles she's leading... sorry but I wouldn't be lending her anything till she showed by actions that she is fully aware that she's spending more than she has.

When my parents were struggling financially, we helped them out by giving them money.

I wouldn't have done it if they had been earning enough money but being spendthrift. It would be the start of a slippery slope and the demands would probably never end. If she doesn't want to take responsibility for her own finances, you may be carrying her for the rest of your lives.

I would offer support in helping with the business finances and/or personal expenditure. Even just drawing up a simple spreadsheet and seeing where money is being spent can be very enlightening.

gibson123

I would gift the money and forgive the previous debt but make it very clear that this is the last time you can do this.

MrsRogers

tanith wrote: »

From my very uninformed viewpoint it seems MIL is living beyond her means and your OH should speak to her about earning enough to support the lifestyles she's leading... sorry but I wouldn't be lending her anything till she showed by actions that she is fully aware that she's spending more than she has.

I think you have hit the nail on the head. I do think my Dh needs to have a conversation. Difficulty is MIL is not the easiest person to reason with and I don't think she actually sees what's wrong. She is living at a standard she has for many years.

Another poster mentioned dinner parties to network etc.... If only. .. They are friends .. Although some I feel are only there for the free food and wine.. She gets very few return invites ... It always seems to be her and this one other guy in their group that organise and fund it all!!!

LannieDuck

Why is she in need of a loan at the moment? Is it an ongoing issue, or a one-off problem?

If it's ongoing (as it seems to be, given that this is the second time you've been asked), I would be wary and would suggest that OH has a conversation with MIL in an attempt to identify and address the underlying issues. OTOH, if it's a one-off problem I think you should try to help out.

caeler

It isn't always about giving money. If £3K has already been 'lent' and never repaid you need to assume anymore money won't be returned either. I appreciate your DH feels indebted to his parents and whilst the gifted deposit was very generous it was a gift not a 'you owe me one'.

Perhaps you can offer some supporting with financial planning and cutting back? Being self-employed and not knowing how you will get through the winter is a pretty scary prospect but this shouldn't be your problem. What other plans does your MIL have, or is she relying on you to come through?

I do struggle with a parent asking for money but then I know I'd jump at the chance to help mine if asked, so this isn't a clear cut situation.

Thegirl

When it's family I always take the view if you are happy to give the money to them then give it, if they return it great, if not, it was never expected back.
If you either don't have the money or are not happy to give the money away then you need to have a conversation.