Lending Money to MIL

MrsRogers

Looking to peoples thoughts........ No nasty, unconstructive comments please..

DH & I both have very good jobs and receive a 2nd income from renting an other property we own.

Money for other property was gifted to DH by his parents 15 yrs ago. (No mortgage)

Our house is mortgaged - our salaries cover all our bills and we still manage to save each month. All money from other house is going into saving to clear our mortgage and top up our own savings.

Couple of weeks ago DH said MIL (Who is self employed) may need to borrow money off us to help them through winter..

Now on face value I would have no issue with this however...

• MIL borrowed £3k a few yrs ago and has never paid back
• MIL is not 'clever' with money and has excess staff that she could easily reduce hrs and save money (they do the work she could do)
• MIL is always 'entertaining' having dinner parties etc (not living like someone who needs to cut back)
• MIL Business & lifestyle has lots of opportunity to cut costs

DH feels obligated to help because of gift above and money spent on his private education etc...
I however feel differently based on above reasons.

DH and I may also need fertility treatment next yr which would depleate our savings significantly and I feel we could do without lending MIL another £xx's !!!

Am I being harsh ???

DUTR

I think you are, what position would you both have been in, if you never got the help in the 1st place? Perhaps the in laws felt the monies was gifted to them?

CH27

I think you are. You are partly in your good position because of them helping you out.

paulwellerfan

How much money are we talking here???

Fire_Fox

Why don't you just sell the second property to lend/ give money to your mother in law and pay for fertility treatment?? It's not like the savings are your only nest egg, far from it. The private education is irrelevant, that was when he was a child and he didn't have any say in the matter. He didn't have to accept the money for the second house, you have an obligation to help out even if you don't approve of how the money is being used (unless it is gambling or drugs or suchlike). Mother in law might not have to cut back if you had refused the gift fifteen years ago.

I'm also shocked you'd prefer staff to be laid off when you have two homes and savings. People commit suicide, get evicted or repossessed, divorced from the stress of going onto a lower income or benefits. Sorry but I think in both cases you are being really selfish.

McKneff

It it was my parents, I wouldnt be lending them money, I would be giving it to them.

But I am in my position and I have no idea about yours,

MrsRogers

I respect and thank people for their thoughts...

I guess I get frustrated that DH and I work so hard.. sometimes 50 - 60 hour weeks. Have cut our lifestyle's down to the bare minimum and budget everything. We have gone with out holidays and all lifes luxurys for the last few yrs to try and build up our savings which are there in the event we are made redundent (both been at risk last 2 yrs but thankfully been ok).

MIL has 2 businesses as well as other properties.. MIL does next to none of the 'work' and basically lives the high life.. out to dinner, hosting cocktail evenings, dinner parties, has weekends away etc...

I just feel its a bit unfair to be lending/ giving her money for her to continue her 'lifestyle' when we have gone without to try and be sensible and plan for our future.

I am confident if she cut back her excessive luxurys they wouldnt have a cashflow problem !!!

adelight

You are in an exceedingly good position in life, largely because of the gift from dh's parents. I would without doubt try to help MIL, as a gift. You don't necessarily have to give her a lump sum, you could say you will pay her gas and electric so she doesn't have to worry about that. Unless the amount is much more than that. Give half the rent from the other house to her? When someone sets their child up in life like that I imagine they hope they will try to look after them if they are ever in need.

It sounds like you are very comfortable, please consider pooling resources and sharing your wealth with family in need before suggesting they get rid of staff. That can destroy entire families and I know it's not your problem, but think how hard it will make their winter. Even if they have to reduce hours, a job is still better than no job. Sorry that's not exactly relevant, it's just hard not to feel for people and is too close to home for many to ignore

ETA: Just read your last post. Okay I would have a frank discussion with mil about budgeting. She needs to learn to cut down, missing a weekend away or swapping bollinger for cava is far from poverty.; Who does the work then? Is there someone else involved you could talk to/ask to help talk to her? Just want to say that 50-60 hour weeks really aren't excessively long at all, that's normal for many, many people.

CH27

MrsRogers wrote: »

I respect and thank people for their thoughts...

I guess I get frustrated that DH and I work so hard.. sometimes 50 - 60 hour weeks. Have cut our lifestyle's down to the bare minimum and budget everything. We have gone with out holidays and all lifes luxurys for the last few yrs to try and build up our savings which are there in the event we are made redundent (both been at risk last 2 yrs but thankfully been ok).

MIL has 2 businesses as well as other properties.. MIL does next to none of the 'work' and basically lives the high life.. out to dinner, hosting cocktail evenings, dinner parties, has weekends away etc...

I just feel its a bit unfair to be lending/ giving her money for her to continue her 'lifestyle' when we have gone without to try and be sensible and plan for our future.

I am confident if she cut back her excessive luxurys they wouldnt have a cashflow problem !!!

Jealousy is such an unattractive trait.

I suggest you return the money to them that they gifted you for your 2nd house minus what they owe you & make it plain you aren't willing to subsidise her lifestyle.

FatVonD

I agree with everyone else, you are in a very fortunate position due to your inlaw's generosity, it should be a gift.

elsien

I think some of you are being a little harsh.
Yes the second house came from money that was gifted, and on the face of it the request is paying back the favour but I can see why the OP isn't wanting to chuck good money after bad. If there are concerns about the business and nothing changes in how it's run then I'd be having reservations unless I was sure the money was going to used constructively. It's not so much the amount as where does it stop, start of the slippery slope as it were.
So I can see both sides. Has your husband had a conversation with MIL about helping her to cut costs etc if she needs to? It might be a temporary cash flow problem rather than a business in trouble in which case I'd say help her out.