should i feel threatened by facebook?

FBaby

He is probably hoping to gain information and help from the mother to approach daughter in the best way. If daughter didn't want any contact with him for many years, his requesting to be friends with her on FB is likely to be met with a get lost response. However, getting in touch with the mum, he might find out the best way to do it.

To be honest, you do come across as very controlling. I didn't really understand why FB was banned the first time, but unless he did something that shattered your trust in him, then I don't see how you can control his facebook accout. All you risk is him doing things behind your back because he knows you'll go berserk otherwise, although he isn't doing anything wrong. Maybe if you were more relaxed about it, he would have talked to you about it, explained the reason behind it, shared all correspondance and all would be fine.

DVardysShadow

bargainsneeded wrote: »

my hubby used to smoke canabis and over the years it got worse where i couldnt leave my purse out or have a holiday savings jar, he treated me terribly and sat up all night befriending everybody whilst getting drunk and stoned, i got strong threw him out he cleaned up his act and now there is no weed and no facebook etc.

And you only feel safe while you are in control.

Are these issues relevant to why his daughter won't have contact? If he has cleaned up his act, why should he not hope to restore his relationship with her?

I don't envy the decisions you need to make here, but you really do need to rethink this and distinguish between an unhealthy mindset which leads to destructive behaviours using facebook and a healthy mindset leading to wanting to restore a family relationship using facebook.

The issue is mindsets, not facebook.

flutterby_lil

bargainsneeded wrote: »

my hubby used to smoke canabis and over the years it got worse where i couldnt leave my purse out or have a holiday savings jar, he treated me terribly and sat up all night befriending everybody whilst getting drunk and stoned, i got strong threw him out he cleaned up his act and now there is no weed and no facebook etc.

So is the weed back as well?!

I_wanna_live_for_free

bargainsneeded wrote: »

I should say when i first met hubby this wife had left him for her first love (she with him now) and for years after even when we were married he would say in the heat of an argument or at first wen we met that she was the love of his life and nobody would ever come close, so yes i feel a bit sad that he then befriended her. yes there are trust issues on my part

OMG so why did you continue the relationship? That would have had me getting my coat.

jayII

I_wanna_live_for_free wrote: »

OMG so why did you continue the relationship? That would have had me getting my coat.

Me too, nobody deserves to be second best with their partner! On top of his callousness in saying it out loud. What a horrible thing to say to someone who you are supposed to love and put first!!! :eek:

sedment

My husband is friends with his daughters mother on facebook, and his daughter is friends with my mil and brothers and sisters inlaw, nieces and nephews, in fact everyone apart from me. But i really dont give a damn! My husband and in laws can be friends with who they want to be friends with, and would say its more your issue than his!

Fire_Fox

bargainsneeded wrote: »

my hubby used to smoke canabis and over the years it got worse where i couldnt leave my purse out or have a holiday savings jar, he treated me terribly and sat up all night befriending everybody whilst getting drunk and stoned, i got strong threw him out he cleaned up his act and now there is no weed and no facebook etc.

So again the problem is not Facebook but a dysfunctional relationship, and I am still confused as to what the problem is with the ex wives (who arguably are both family, being the mothers of his children). Have you got trapped in a parent-child type interaction? He steals and nags you to let him have Facebook, you make rules and confront.

Having known a good number of weed fiends - both as friends and as more - I can't say I'd go there again. Has he had medical treatment for his mental health/ substance abuse problems? Have you had talking therapies for your self confidence issues? To invest so much in one who told you someone else is the love of his life, who put drugs ahead of you, who almost had three failed marriages by his early thirties is sad.

podperson

I agree that I don't think the issue here is really with FB. He hasn't been hiding from you the fact that he's befriended his daughter's mother - and tbh if he's really wanting to try and reconnect with his daughter then she's going to be the best one to help/advise him on that as she'll know her daughter best. I think it's perhaps a lot more about your insecurities due to things he's said about her in the past - as others have mentioned perhaps counselling might be useful to help you to try and move past this?
If you're wanting your relationship to move forward then you need to trust him - at the end of the day if he was going to do something then whether he had fb or not is not really going to make a difference to that.
Since you had your previous problems has he been making an effort to work on things and to win your trust back?

Gordon_Hose

You sound like a jealous nightmare tbh!

If a female was here telling her story of a jealous partner who had to have control of her Facebook and told her who she could and couldn't be friends with, he'd be labelled a controlling bully and e-lynched.

There is no difference with this situation.

Amanda65

Whether you should or shouldn't feel 'threatened' is immaterial as you do. However I don't see it as FB that is causing your problems but you OH's relationship with the mother's of his children and his relationship with weed. FB is just a way of communicating and if it wasn't there I am sure the threat would be in some other form (text / letter / phone calls / carrier pigeon ).

I would be removing myself from the situation tbh as I couldn't live with a drug taking, thieving liar - but that's just me and I know it's easier said than done when it's not a situation you are in.

Have you thought about writing a list of pros and cons for the relationship to try and weigh up if it is worth it ? If not, work hard on building up your confidence to walk away and start afresh - good luck