should i feel threatened by facebook?

bargainsneeded

Ok just a bit of advice please and if poss no nasty hurtful comments. Basically i am my husbands 3rd wife i am 32 he 37, he has a son from 1st marriage and a daughter from 2nd, he is in sort of contact with son (19) and i have no real issues regarding the mother although i admit do see my backside when he has to ring mother to arrange to see son as son loses mobiles although has a landline and internet use. A few years ago husband and i went through a rough time due to a number of factors one including facebook we split for a while and on his return was a no facebook rule in the house (i cancelled my facebook just to be fair). Anyway a few years have passed and hubbys family are all now members of FB, so hubby mithered etc to go back on and would only ever have the relatives on his account i wasnt happy it caused a few arguments and so FB was reborn, all ok for a month and i have total access to account, daughter whom he has no contact with and 4 yrs ago told him she wanted no contact is on facebook and through his family whom are in contact with daughter (15) he looks at all photos etc, last week however i am on the ipad and a FB msg appears that ex wife no2 (daughters mum) has accepted hubbys friend request?????? well to be honest the bottom fell out of my world i confronted straight away and he says its to see daughters posts and pics but this could always be accessed through his family . ex wife lives a fair journey away and is happily married from what i can see but my hubby knew this would hurt me and i dont know if im justified to be peeved or not???? thanx

BitterAndTwisted

You've asked for an explanation and received (to me) a plausible and reasonable one. If the ex-wife is happily married I doubt you have anything to fear. Being paranoid and/or unreasonable will do all the sabotaging for you.

I'm a bit troubled by this "confronting" rather than just asking a neutral and straightforward question.

Sagz_2

My view: you either trust him or you don't.

If you do then there is no problem him talking to anyone on FB.

If you don't then why are you sharing your life with him?

carolan78

As a parent I think i would have done the same as him, I would be wanting to be on friendly terms with mum in the hope my daughter changed her mind about knowing me.

londonsurrey

I don't understand that bit about seeing your rump.

You're justified to be peeved if he's reneged on an agreement.

However, the most important thing unfortunately is how much work you're willing to put into this.
The fact of the matter is that people will let us down, and just because someone's deigned to marry us doesn't magically make them incapable of letting us down. The only bit we ultimately can control is how much we let them get away with before giving it up as a bad job.

I'd recommend marriage counselling. If he can't be bothered to do that, then it shows you how much effort your marriage is worth to him.

DVardysShadow

It is not about facebook. It is about trust. Even without facebook, there could be trust issues.

I have knives in my house. For Mrs Shadow and me, it is not an issue. But for other people it could be a real issue because they are not safe with knives. But in those cases, getting rid of the knives does not deal with the real problem

Same with facebook and your problem. If you trust him, then let the facebook thing go. If you don't trust him, the issue goes far deeper than facebook and won't be solved by eliminating facebook.

repeatoffender

Why would you be threatened, what do you think will happen? I think you need to address your insecurities and/or whether you trust this man. I feel sad for you, to be so suspicious must be hard for both of you.

sassyblue

No you don't need to feel peeved. Facebook won't make your husband cheat on you HE can only do that and fb is only the medium to get talking in the way going to a pub or club is too.

The problem is your jealousy/insecurity, why are you feeling this way? As long as he allows you access to fb so you can see he's not upto mischief where's the problem.

His ex is an ex for a reason! But l don't understand why you feel threatened by his daughter, they both have a right to be in contact if they want to. Did you think that she would never want contact when she said that as an 11 year old? :rotfl:

Tbh, the problem is yourself, and l think deep down you know that as you asked for no nasty comments.

Eta: unless you know he can't be trusted, in which case ask yourself if you want to be in this relationship at all.

globetraveller

You can't really ban fb. Lets face it, if he wants to make contact with someone he will start a new one under a different name.
this is not about facebook though- you just can't trust him.

Fire_Fox

Why marry a man with two ex wives and two children if you are going to feel threatened and aggrieved about him being in contact with the mothers? Facebook is for kids, it's not something grown adults should be 'arguing' and 'confronting' one another about! Maybe get some counselling for your trust/ jealousy/ possessiveness issues. 'Sort of' being in contact with one child and not in contact at all with the other is really sad, if you could get over your issues you might be able to help build bridges instead of creating obstacles.

Is there something more going on here, did he leave wife one for wife two and/ or leave wife two for you?

jellyhead

Why don't you try making friends with these kids mothers yourself? It's in your husband's best interests to be involved in their lives or easy to contact, and facebook can make it easier.

Unless you want your husband to not see his children?

I've been looking for my ex on facebook. Our child is 16 and we haven't seen him for 14 years, but the child is curious and might want to make tentative contact, but only if I do it for him.

I can't imagine my husband being angry or 'confronting' me over this ... why would he?! He'd never want to stand in the way of his stepson possibly starting to get to know his father or wider family. He loves us and wants us to be happy. If I managed to find my ex and added him my husband wouldn't feel threatened. I'd hope that he'd add him as a facebook friend himself, and we could all get along.