aqm i being stupid over contact?

Mojisola

missscousemouse wrote: »

i know he is suiting himself but i dont want our girls caught in the middle as he wouldnt think twice about using them. they love thier dad but they are scared of him too.

Even more reason to reduce the amount of time they spend with him!

If you won't do it for yourself, do it to protect your children.

POPPYOSCAR

You need to stand up for yourself and your children.

Every weekend is not fair as has been said many times on here already.

If you feel you cannot face him write him a letter. If he will not come to an amicable arrangement you really need to consult with a solicitor.

Please do not allow him total control of your lives like this. There will come a time when your daughters will be of an age when they will want to do their own thing anyway and I think you may be storing up trouble for them by the sounds of things.

Mojisola

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Please do not allow him total control of your lives like this. There will come a time when your daughters will be of an age when they will want to do their own thing anyway and I think you may be storing up trouble for them by the sounds of things.

Just imagine what kind of a role-model he is for them. Do you want them going through life with a similar man because that's what they've learned is "normal"?

missscousemouse_2

thank you all very much for your replies i know im coming across as a right walk over with no spine but we were together a long time and he had control of everything so its been hard to stand up against him. when it comes to contact im just scraed he will try to convince girls im damaging their relationship with him. i love the kids to death and want them to have a good relationship with their dad but more and more im feeling like hes trying to get some kind of revenge on me through the kids. he left me for a woman he worked with and since then has behaved in a jealous way. im now in a happy relationship with someone who treats me with love and respect and the kids love him to bits. we are engaged now and my ex because after 3 and half yrs of being together is annoyed with me because ive said i want my partner to move in soon. hes been telling me he will take me to court to stop my partner moving in which i now know he cant do. its all just spite. he says he wants my partner to buy him out as "he wont allow another man to livein my house while im paying half the morg" but what he doesnt realise is he pays the half morg as maintainence which when house sells he will get money back on!!

daska

My advice is to say to your solicitor that you don't have the strength to stand up to him and that therefore his/her brief is to do what is necessary for the children to have what they want i.e. sleepovers, days out with mum etc. If your current solicitor is a bit wishy washy then find one who isn't. Ideally you want one on the family/children panel. It may just take one letter, it may take going to Court.

Did you not get the finances sorted out when you split, he should be paying you maintenance out of which you pay the mortgage - what a hold to have over you. I suggest you speak with the solicitor about that aspect as well.

Best of luck

GobbledyGook

You need to stop letting your ex control your life. If he wants to stop paying half the mortgage when your partner moves in then let him - but then he has to pay child maintenance instead. (You need to get the house situation sorted though). Tell him that you want to take the girls away for the weekend or to the zoo or whatever so from now/X-date on you will be having alternate weekends.

You are teaching your daughters that whatever their father says goes. They need to see that you and they also have rights so unless your daughters are begging to go every weekend then stand up for yourselves. Remember this is their example for how things work when you are an adult so show them how to stand up for themselves.

missscousemouse_2

i asked him to meet with me and get everything sorted once and for all but my boyfriend said it wont achieve anything and he would just try to bully me so would be pointless which i get now. all i wanted was to raise the girls in a way that is comfortable for all of us especially the kids. i was thinking mediation which il ask my solicitor about on wed.

missscousemouse_2

thank you, reading the replies is giving me some more strength. i think because its gone on so long i didnt think it could change.

GobbledyGook

missscousemouse wrote: »

i asked him to meet with me and get everything sorted once and for all but my boyfriend said it wont achieve anything and he would just try to bully me so would be pointless which i get now. all i wanted was to raise the girls in a way that is comfortable for all of us especially the kids. i was thinking mediation which il ask my solicitor about on wed.

If you want to meet your ex for a discussion about your children then do that. Please don't go from letting your ex dictate how you deal with things to allowing your boyfriend to do so.

I realise he may just be being supportive, but they are your children so you need to start making decisions and doing what you want to do without other people stopping you.

Mojisola

missscousemouse wrote: »

i asked him to meet with me and get everything sorted once and for all but my boyfriend said it wont achieve anything and he would just try to bully me so would be pointless which i get now. all i wanted was to raise the girls in a way that is comfortable for all of us especially the kids. i was thinking mediation which il ask my solicitor about on wed.

It sounds as if he's right.

Go through the solicitor.