aqm i being stupid over contact?

missscousemouse_2

hi i have 2 children with my ex. he left me over 5 yrs ago and i have always encouraged contact which in the last yr or 2 has settled into an every weekend thing. they go from school on a friday and come home on the sunday. my ex basically send a list every few weeks of when he is having the girls so on the sunday the could be back anytime between 10am and 9pm. ive said i would like the kids a weekend every month or just the sat night/sun that kind of thing and am told no the weekends are mine. i feel with after school clubs etc the kids and i dont have any quality time together but its like a game. ive said as he works shifts he could have them through the week but he says no. i would be happy to have them 10am every sunday as i want to take them to church but when i ask he purposly then keeps them until late. he also books things like taking them to football matches (they are girls and not that interested) but he doesnt even ask if its ok he just texts and tells me hes taking them. them. when i say this is unfair he sayd i have it easy as they living with me but i find this all very distressing as the girls get upset they missing me

daska

Normal arrangements are alternate weekends and 1 or more evenings during the week (depending on distance obviously). Do they want to spend every weekend with him? Would they want to go to church any more than than they want to go to football?

Fire_Fox

Will he attend mediation to agree contact then formalise it? If not you might be best seeking legal advice.

claire16c

daska wrote: »

Normal arrangements are alternate weekends and 1 or more evenings during the week (depending on distance obviously). Do they want to spend every weekend with him? Would they want to go to church any more than than they want to go to football?

I agree.

Every weekend doesnt seem fair just because you have them in the week when theyre at school anyway - especially if he doesnt want them in the week - I guess because hed have to do the 'work' then and not just go off to football, fun stuff etc.

But Im not sure you can use the activities against him unless theyre very unsuitable ones or you know they actually hate them - because whose to say kids want to go to a church either. They could prefer football to that.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

claire16c wrote: »

I agree.

Every weekend doesnt seem fair just because you have them in the week when theyre at school anyway - especially if he doesnt want them in the week - I guess because hed have to do the 'work' then and not just go off to football, fun stuff etc.

But Im not sure you can use the activities against him unless theyre very unsuitable ones or you know they actually hate them - because whose to say kids want to go to a church either. They could prefer football to that.

That really would be a difficult one for me.


But no, OP, you don't have to meekly hand them over because it's what he demands - see a solicitor and get something more agreeable to you, whilst still enabling him to have contact with the children arranged. After all, you're not trying to say he cannot see them, just that the arrangements need to be formalised and adapted slightly.

Sambucus_Nigra

Return the next list with alternate weekends crossed out saying that they are with you every alternate weekend now. And say that he is free to return them either before 10 or between 5 and 6, as you may be out during other hours.

missscousemouse_2

im going to see my solicitor again he has pushed me around with contact to suit himself for yrs. ive never stood in his way. his new wifes family take the girls out in my time as well but when i ask to have them to take for a family meal with my family i get no im entitled to the weekends its my time

Mojisola

missscousemouse wrote: »

im going to see my solicitor again he has pushed me around with contact to suit himself for yrs. ive never stood in his way. his new wifes family take the girls out in my time as well but when i ask to have them to take for a family meal with my family i get no im entitled to the weekends its my time

If your solicitor isn't tough enough, get a new one.

You certainly need to toughen up - they are your (yours and his) children. He's treating you like a nanny who is there to look after the children when he's busy and have to hand them over whenever he says!

GobbledyGook

Definitely speak to your solicitor and get that sorted. When I first split with my husband he went through a stage of being a nightmare for a short time and he wanted every weekend and was firmly told by the court that I was just as entitled to fun, relaxing time with the children as he was.

princeofpounds

Just an opinion from 'some bloke' here...

You are being totally reasonable wanting some weekend access time. Weekends are very different to weekdays and will allow you to have a different dimension to your relationship with the children.

However, there should be some give and take about offering him more weekday access time. But if he doesn't want them then, that's not really your problem.

Hope you get it sorted.

missscousemouse_2

i have offered him weekday as well he knows he can have them anytime. he likes to be awkward and he has told me in past he does his own rota but then says that he can only have them of a weekend