Divorce/house and equity issues. PLEASE HELP

Bettyboop

Thanks silvercar for the advice about seeing if I can get back in. I'm trying to find another job that pays more money, but as the situation stands that even with child support of 15% of his salary I won't be able to cover all the bills. I am seeing my Solicitor in two weeks and I will definitely ask her if there is any way I can go back and perhaps he will help a tiny bit with the mortgage. This has always be a BIG NO from him before......but right now I just want stability as my landlord could decide that he's not going to renew my contract and then I have to move again.....I really don't want it to be this way. Thanks!

susy_2

Bettyboop, I stayed in the home when we divorced. Income support paid the mortgage because he refused to give me any money at all. I did work part time as well but was only allowed to keep £10 of what I earned. I think this figure may be higher now. I cannot believe he is asking you to pay towards the mortgage! So basically if you did, you would be paying him back the child support that he gives you? He seems to have got it all worked out.

I agree with zzzLazyDaisy. Do NOT sign anything. Do NOT agree to anything, and certainly do NOT give him any money.

I know you want to protect your daughter in all of this, but I took the same stance and a softly, softly approach. The result was that he dragged it out for years (until the situation was favourable to him) which was far worse for my daughter. If I had the chance to do it again, I would complete it as soon as possible and then concentrate on making life better for my daughter. Because it dragged on so long, he was able to manipulate and use my daughter against me. Had it been finished sooner, he would have lost this 'power'.

If you are only working part-time, I think you should speak with income support and see if you are entitled to anything.

Good luck xx

Bettyboop

susy.....not sure if you can help but can you put a figure on how much Income Support would pay. I will phone them next week as well. I also thought one had to be unemployed to get Income Support. Is that not true then? I don't know to much about the benefits side of things...but any further would be very much appreciated. I have got some things to think about and talk about with the Solicitor when she is back from holiday. It's strange what you said about child support and mortgage issue. Because yesterday I asked him if he wanted me to say don't pay me child support put it towards the mortgage! I am at rock bottom right now......just not sure how much more I can take before I end up having some sort of breakdown. All the best to you as well.

The mortgage is £720.00 per month.

susy_2

At that time, Income support paid ALL of the mortgage, but as I said he was paying nothing. Basically, they work on the premise that you have to have a basic amount to live on. I do not know what that figure is these days though. I was working part-time, but as I said, they would only allow me to keep £10 of it, the rest offset my income support.

I did want to work more, but discovered that I would have been worse off because I had a mortgage as opposed to renting. If I had been renting, I would have been entitled to help with the rent but because I had a mortgage I was entitled to nothing. Income support themselves advised me not to go down that road.

It was a long time ago that I was in that position Bettyboop and things may have changed. But if you are only working part time and have a small child, I would imagine that you do qualify for some help.

Sometimes things work out unfavourably if you are working and it may be that you could possibly be better off not working for a short while until you have sorted yourself out? I don't know what work you do, or how long you have been doing it? It may be important to you, or you may feel that you need this time at work to feel like a person? You say your daughter is 3 and that you have childcare for her which you are paying for. I really don't know how you are getting by on part time wages?

There are also tax credits that you may be eligible for. I think you have to work a miniumum no of hours per week though. I think it is quite a lot ie. 30, which is what makes me think you may be better off on income support. I think this probably comes into play if you are working less than 30 hours a week.

Hope this helps. xx

UglyBetty

You can get good advice from the Citizens advice bureau, just google it for your nearest branch and some general information on the website. He is obliged to maintain his daughter and that includes a roof over her head until she is 16 or older if in full time education. You can claim benefits even if you work part time. CAB can also advise on this. As your solicitor is away for two weeks, can you see another partner in the practice? It seems rather urgent to me to be able to make informed decisions about your future actions.

Contact those old friends of yours. You'll most likely be pleasantly suprised at how support they can give you, even if it's a long chat to let off steam.
Good luck,

Bettyboop

UglyBetty, I had a few friends but it feels like they don't want to know me. I invited a friend around for today that I haven't seen in almost 3 weeks and she said that she can't make it as she has to clean and buy groceries today which is fine. It was always me who phoned her and she very rarely called me in return. I actually feel so alone and trying to keep us above the water is a constant struggle.

susy, I had thought about just quitting my job and claiming benefits for a few months (my little girl goes to school in September). Seems as though my personal life is affecting just about everything else. I am a Secretary to a Regional Manager and for him I work 16 hours per week. I'm transferring to another Office from Monday to do Administration as he wanted someone who could do 40 hours per week. That I couldn't commit to right now but I'm trying to find something between 16 and 30 hours which would atleast give me some time in the morning and evenings to spend with my little girl. I had read somewhere that Income Support only pay the interest on one's mortgage but it's up to the owner to find the rest of the money to make the monthly repayment.

Thanks a lot for caring.

Stargirl_3

Could you change your mortgage payments to interest only? This may make the payments affordable to you and enable you to live in the house. I am paying interest only at the moment and for the property Im living in its actually cheaper than renting.

Bettyboop

Stargirl, thanks for that thought. Our mortgage company has been moved twice since February 2006. I will try and find out who it's with and what the interest only payments are likely to be. I assume by the end of the term you would have had to pay it all off. Is that correct?

back2square1

Whenever you get divorced and there are financial settlements to be completed it really is a big headache. From my own experience I can only give you the following advice. Go to a solicitor, see if you can get legal aid however bear in mind any lump sum payment received by yourself they will deduct their costs.

To get legal aid you have to attend mediation sessions which is free of charge for yourself and I found it very helpful. Basically you and your ex have to do a full financial disclosure with a mediator present. You provide each other copies with all the supporting paperwork ie. bank statements, payslips, etc.

At mediation you have to discuss and agree on everything involved in a divorce which is child access, maintenance and financial settlement. Depending on how well you both communicate it can take minimum of 3 sessions upwards. I found the sessions very helpful.

With regards to financial settlement you and your husband have to assess both of your incomes and outgoings. This is essential to devise how much both of you need to be able to live and survive financially in your future lives. If your child will be living with you then this needs to be taken into account ie. maintenance, child benefit, clothing, food, a roof over their head. If you are struggling financially this should show when you look at your bank statements, bills etc. In MY experience my ex husband had got a lot of purchases showing on his bank statements for designer clothes, restaurants etc this clearly showed he was not struggling financially.

With regards to the equity in the matrimonial home, the normal process is that whoever is residing there at the current time they must get valuations of the current market value with at least 3 estate agents. The estate agent will put this in writing and you should both have a copy. Both of you should obtain a copy of a statement from your mortgage lender of the current outstanding balance on the mortgage. Taking in to account the following costs - estate agent fees to sell the property, solicitor fees, redecorate to increase property value you can then work out how much possible equity would be leftover.

NOTE: Solicitor fees for divorce are normally deducted when you receive your share of equity, in MY experience I received a cheque from them for £56000 and they retained £2000 to deduct their costs as well as taking into account the standing order for £45 pcm I had paid to Legal Aid for 2 years, the remainder of this will then be forwarded to myself in the near future.

My biggest tip to you is for you and your ex husband to attend mediation. A solicitor can organise this all for you. Try and stay amicable with your ex husband as much as possible, it really does make life much easier no matter how much you want to throttle them at times.
Keep focused, organised and never make any rash decisions. Always say, I will have a think about it and let you know.

You are entitled to meet as many solicitors as you like and then you can decide which one you would like to act on your behalf. Most solicitors do operate a free half hour session. Speak to friends or colleagues and ask who they would recommend, there are plenty of people out there who have been in the same situation as yourself now.

back2square1

How to deal with your daughter throughout this time especially as it is such an emotional rollercoaster for yourself is tough. I have 2 sons and at the time when I separated from my husband my youngest was the same age, 3 years old. (Me and my husband split because I found out he was having an affair, I took him back after 6months but he did it again so 2nd time round I threw him out for good!)

I went to the local library and I found a brilliant book about a little boy called Alex who loved having 2 homes, 1 with his mum and 1 with his dad. It was in the support for children, dealing with life probls section at the library. My sons loved this book and it made them very excited about having 2 homes.

I was the same as yourself crying and worrying. Whenever I was very upset I just told my boys Mummy had a bad headache and it hurt that much it made me cry. Bettyboop, please get a good support network, you will need it. Speak to your family and/or friends, tell them what you are going through and ask for their support, you NEED IT!!!! Please believe me, things WILL get better, you WILL get stronger and you WILL be happier. I have never met anyone who is still not coping years after their marriage ended, we all struggle at the beginning and then within time it gets easier. I know its a daunting task at the moment, but you WILL get through it, you WILL cope and you WILL look back at this one day and think "My life is great, I can't believe all those fears I had, it wasn't as bad as I thought".

Please look on https://www.entitledto.co.uk, Google search single parent, there are lots of helpful websites. I remember one organisation called Gingerbread who gave me a lot of useful advice on the telephone and also sent me out a lot of handy information, no doubt they will have a website too.