Divorce/house and equity issues. PLEASE HELP

Bettyboop

Evening all,

Please try help with some advice. I'm in tears but I'm sure just about any sort of thoughts would do.

To cut a very long story short I have been seperated from my husband since November last year. We have a little girl and she is 3 years old. I moved into a rented house as the mortgage was to much for me so he is living in our house. Anyway, he asked me to write a letter or get one done by a solicitor along the lines of what the equity is at say todays prices (hope it's making sense). He wants do some diy and by doing this and if the property was sold in the next few years it would be worth more and he thinks it's unfair that I would get 50% if he pays for everything.

The reasons we seperated were because we couldn't get along and he had also had affairs. He wants a divorce now but just last week everything was fine. When we are getting along I can see us getting back together again. When he was like he was to me today I just don't see a future. I have sought legal advice from a Solicitor and tomorrow I will be taking the plunge and phoning her to get divorce proceedings started. I'm so scared and nervous! I'm not to sure what the fear is but I hope it doesn't last to long. I know I'm not the only one to have to go through this but trying to hide my tears and heartache from my little girl is so hard. She often says she wants her dad to live with us or for us to move back to our family home etc! Can anyone advise the best way of helping her through this. I told him that I can't speak to him for a little while over the phone (to upset) and that if he wants to know how our daughter is doing he could just send an email insread. I don't want her to be scarred by this or resent me when she's older.

Thanks for reading and I hope you can help. I'm quite a wreck and can't think straight at the moment.

Cheers.

susy_2

bettyboop, you have enough to worry about just now. Why is he asking you to do it? If he wants this then he can do it for himself!

Bettyboop

susy.....I know what you are saying but I also can't live like this anymore. I wonder if this will bring closure for me. He could do this himself but money is a sore subject at the minute.....and on my part time job wage I qualify for legal aid.....he wants it so much and doesn't want me anymore. I have to accept that!

susy_2

Hi bettyboop,

Don't really know what to say to you. I have been through a divorce with a small child and thought that if I played it fair, everything would turn out ok. It didn't. My daughter suffered terribly, and I am now paying a heavy price financially, (and it all happened over 12 years ago).

Try not to be scared, although I know it is easier said than done. My divorce was very easy and quick, although it was done on a 2 year seperation. Unfortunately, it was the financial relief that took a long time.

If you are sure that this is what you want to do, please get a good solicitor!

What you are going through is so hard at the moment. Had you stayed in the house you should have been entitled to Income Support. You actually had more right to be in the house because you had to provide a home for your daughter.

I feel you need some really good advice from a solicitor at the moment.

It is natural for your daughter to want her daddy. This has been doubly difficult for her, she has also lost her familiar home. Give her lots of love and cuddles, but this situation is not your fault. Do you have any arrangements for access?

I could say so much, but I am trying hard not to let personal issues cloud what I am saying. Every case is different.

I really feel for you bettyboop and I am sorry if I have not been very useful. xx

zzzLazyDaisy

(((Hugs))))

DO NOT sign or agree to anything.

If the house is in joint names you are entitled to half the proceeds of sale. This is regardless of the fact that he is paying the mortgage and/or spending money on the house. Think of it this way - if the house was sold NOW you would get your half of the money. While he continues to live there, you are prevented from getting your money. He can't have it both ways.

But more than that, YOU are the one who has the responsibility for keeping a roof over your daughter's head. Often in these cases the courts will order that the mother gets more than half of the proceeds of sale, as she has to take care of the child.

Also, does he have a pension? The law says that you are entitled to half his pension. Often the husband does not want to give up part of his pension, so that money is taken out of the house and given to the wife instead.

Then there is maintenance for yourself and your daughter.

YOU have to think of yourself and your daughter. He can start again and rebuild his life as a single person. YOU have the next 15 years or so bringing up your daughter in front of you. Please get a good solicitor and let them do their job.

Good luck

Pobby

Oh bettyboop,as a man I have to say that your other half sounds like a complete a---ole.Love to know what he is about.Sounds like he he has the maturity of a 15 year old.I really feel for you and I am ashamed of someone of his gender that would do something as gross as him.Sending out a big hug.

What a dreadful man he must be.More worried about his equity than you or his little girl.

I am sure that your lass will never resent you for what is happening.About time your husband grew up.You having to live in a rented place when he lives your home.Me I think,and it is not easy to say this,you are better off away from this creature who to me is an utter piece of ----.

UglyBetty

Don't do anything until you've had some good legal advice. Any decent bloke would want his daughter to have a secure home and would haved moved out and paid at least half the mortgage and expenses until the place was sold. As for your daughter, try to ensure that she sees her dad as often as possible and don't let her think that Daddy is awful, even if it seems as if he is. She will understand more as she gets older. Although it's never going to be easy to tell her why she had to leave her home and her daddy stayed. Try to be strong and focussed for her sake and get support where you can. keep you chin up!

Bettyboop

Thanks all for your much needed advice and help. I really, really wanted to stay in the family home but I would have been £200 pounds per month or so short. I asked him if he would help but due to debts he couldn't. He said that if I don't contribute to the mortgage, a new bathroom and heating system then I must give him a signed letter. For me it's never been about the money just the wellbeing of myself and my little girl. Not sure if I mentioned that I work part time and the money I have coming in just about covers my rent and other bills. I feel dreadful that I can't even take my little girl on day's out. I told him the only way I would be able to GIVE him money for the mortgage is if I moved to a very rough area where the rents are cheaper. And would he want me to raise our little girl in place where she can't even play outside? He said that I wouldn't do it but he wants so much from me and I just can't give him money. He pays child support but he knew that he would have to when we moved out!

UglyBetty I had some legal advice before Christmas but have forgotten most of what the Solicitor said so I will be phoning her at 09:00 and telling her to go ahead with what needs to be done.

ZZZ...I was told that I would be entitled to half the proceeds and in some cases the courts may award more to the mother as the child is 98% of the time in there care but he is not happy with this one. He said that it is unfair that he will do the work on the house but when it comes time to sell that I would get 50% or much more. Oh my gosh what a mess!

Alan50

What a sad post...I did a divorce a number of years ago, of which I stayed in the marital home.
The first thing is to instruct a solicitor for advice, normally they or you will instruct a Chartered surveyor to visit and give a written report on the value of the house, expain that the report is due to matremonial difficulties, normally there charge is lower. This type of report gives a realistic price of the property.
You are entitled to 15% of his income for child maintenance as well as other assets (50/50) split...and on...

Good luck

Alan

Bettyboop

Hi All, I phoned my Solicitor but she is on holiday for the next week and a half. I have an appointment on her return and I hope that everything between now and then will be okay. I'm just not sure how I am going to get through all of this. I have a few friends but don't really see them anymore and the rest of my family live in South Africa. Thanks anway for your help so far.

silvercar

if you had stayed in the house would you have been able to afford the mortgage with maintenance payments of 15% of his salary? If so, I would see if you can get back in.

At court a judge is likely to award you around 70% of the equity as you need to have a home for your child whereas he needs a smaller place.

Ideally you should live in the home, his name stays on the deeds if your income does not justify the mortgage and he has a legal document that gives him 30% of the equity when you sell the home or when your daughter finishes education.

If by moving out this is now not possible, he should increase the mortgage to make you a payment of 70% of the equity, so you can find a home for yourself and your child. He can then do what he wants to the house as it will be all his.

Don't listen to any legal advice that comes through him - it is biased.