need an opinion on child access..V long

nadnad

just read the whole thread.
Loopychicken - i think you are looking for problems in this situation. go with the flow - as previously stated although your bf has fathered this child - he is still a realtive stranger to this woman and her baby. he only went out with her for 2 weeks. would you hand your baby over to someone you knew for 2 weeks?
I think that the babys mother is actually being quite reasonable - allowing you to visit the baby at her home or for her to bring the baby to your home - i know you say she maintains it will be this way for the long term but you dont know that - she may be just saying this because she cant see a time when she will be comfortable with anyone taking her child. However if you and your bf agree to this and visit and build a bond with the child, and the mother grows to trust both of you then i'm sure she will eventually allow you more access and allow you to take the child out for the day or maybe for the weekend - in fact in months to come she would probably be glad of this. But at the minute she is vulnerable and you should really go with what she is comfortable with.

As for the passport well thats been explained and i think you are blowing it out of proportion.

As for the colouring of the child well it could very well change - i was born with blond hair and blue eyes and my eyes changed to a dark brown and my hair is even darker.

However if you and your boyfriend are still uncertain if the child is def. his then i would ask for a paternity test. This will settle any fears you have.

You are in a difficult situation one that i would hate to find myself in. I know that i would be incredibly jealous of a woman who shared something with my OH that i didnt - they will have a bond that lasts forever. But you have to find a way to accept this and deal with it - you cannot try to find fault with this woman at every turn, it wont help. In my opinion - you are best to do as she pleases for now and wait a while - build the trust and then in a few months or maybe even a year if her views have not changed well then i would re-examine the situation and take stock and try a maybe more forceful approach with regards access, but its early days at the minute and to get solicitors or anything like that involved now is only going to antagonise everyone.

gingercordial

Just a couple of things on the eye colour/hair colour thing.

I have heard that most newborn Caucasian babies have blue eyes that may develop into brown or another colour later. This is because melanin (the dark pigment in brown eyes) is usually only produced in large quantities when the baby's eyes are exposed to light, and this can't happen in the womb. The final eye colour will have developed by about 3 years old. I don't have babies of my own to have seen this first-hand, but several sources have confirmed it to be true.

Hair colour also changes dramatically - my father was bright blond as a small boy but now very dark with dark eyes (well, he's grey now but he DID have very dark brown hair). Similarly my brother was platinum blond as a small boy but is now mid-brown with dark eyes. This is really common.

Finally, I'm the product of a blonde, blue-eyed mother and a dark-haired, brown-eyed father, and I'm ginger with grey eyes. No other redheads in my family either! Just goes to show you never can tell with genetics.

So the blond, blue-eyed baby may well turn out to be a dark-haired, dark-eyed man. No cause to worry about paternity just from this (though as they were only going out for two weeks, it might be sensible to get a test done anyway).

bench0_1

My ex stoppped me from seeing my child when we split up (her choice). I took the route that some time was better than none and saw him irregulalry for a while hoping things would change. Unfortunately they didn't so I went and spoke to a solicitor. We hoped that a couple of letters would sort out the problem but this wasn't the case. In the end we went to court and I got a court order which allowed be to have access to my son for 175 nights per year. It is important that he keeps contact even at this early stage as I believe this is the reason that my son and I have such a strong relationship today. Good luck

wifeforlife

Loopychicken, I applaude you staying with your partner.

All I can say is dont get angry or upset at her reaction. Im a single mum and my x partner has never wanted anything to do with our child, he has since moved in with the girl he was cheating on me with, and my dd is at an age where she asks who her daddy is. I have called and hope that he and his new partner return the invite to my home and build a relationship with my dd.

But I have to say I would never allow them to take her away from me at such an early stage. How does this woman know you or to be honest your partner, if it was just a fling. How can she trust you with her pride and joy. You and your partner are like strangers to her and her child and I can see her anxieties. Can you both not agree to go to her house or invite them both to yours and build relationships that so down the line you can then have more time with out the mother involved?

The child also doesnt recognise your partner or your voice, will be unsettled and anxious at not being in familiar surroundings, whereas in a few months it will be different.

Goodluck with everything, I know it's an awful situation but it'll work out just dont stress about it, at least he's making an effort which bodes well for you too

Cate

wifeforlife

bench0_1 wrote: »

My ex stoppped me from seeing my child when we split up (her choice). I took the route that some time was better than none and saw him irregulalry for a while hoping things would change. Unfortunately they didn't so I went and spoke to a solicitor. We hoped that a couple of letters would sort out the problem but this wasn't the case. In the end we went to court and I got a court order which allowed be to have access to my son for 175 nights per year. It is important that he keeps contact even at this early stage as I believe this is the reason that my son and I have such a strong relationship today. Good luck

I wish there was more like you!

Cate