Help with childcare for carer of elderly parent? Complicated!

marybelle01

wattdallas wrote: »

You are so wrong Dunroamin - surely as an x foster carer you should know how the system works.

Actually, everyone is right. It depends on the area of the country and the "type of baby". It sounds pretty horrible to put it like that, but it's the truth and I can't think of a better way of phrasing it. Our Fostering and Adoption unit can place any number of healthy white babies - but I am afraid that if there are health issues or the babies are not white, then the problems in adoption increase. For a variety of reasons it is difficult to recruit the right kinds of families for children of other ethnicities or mixed ethnicity - in our area we are constantly running campaigns to recruit families to foster and adopt such children, but supply nowhere meets demand. And whilst some families are keen to support or adopt babies with health problems, I am afraid that they are few and far between. Other areas can place large percentages of their children in long term foster care or adoptive homes with relative ease, although the difficulties are greater even then for children with special needs in terms of care. It isn't a palatable fact, but it is reality.

And adoptive placements do break down - but rarely for those adopted as babies. The risk of break down increases with the age of the child at adoption, although there is no clear picture about break downs because there has been no definitive study undertaken - the government is cirrently conducting the first such study and I don't think the results are available yet.

Dunroamin

wattdallas wrote: »

You are so wrong Dunroamin - surely as an x foster carer you should know how the system works.

Sorry to break your spiteful little bubble but I'm not wrong. Assuming that this new baby is white and healthy (which would be a normal to assume it would be) then an adoption would take place in a matter of weeks. It's only when Social Services have to fight for custody through the courts or if there were major health problems would the child have to stay in care for a period of time.

Adoption of healthy white babies is very straightforward with a queue of approved adoptive parents waiting for the chance to adopt. Only when children are older, are in sibling groups or have health problems are foster parents like me needed.

I'm not arguing with the OP in this matter so I'm certainly not going to argue with someone like you who isn't involved and doesn't understand the facts.

bossymoo

I thought the difference was if the baby was willingly given to adoption, rather than taken into care by an order and then placed for adoption, the former being much quicker and placing the child earlier.

Such a shame, that poor littl baby. And yet it's probably a lot more common than we would like to think...

DaisyFlower

Why cant your mums husband help with childcare if hes not working? Makes sense as no cost and he can still job seek as plenty with their own children do.

dandelionclock30

The proposed adoption of this baby with its background would'nt be that easy. The Mum has learning difficulties and a lot of prospective adopters wouldnt want to take a chance. Some would but others wouldnt.
Also O.P as well as thinking what you are going to do as a family to help this baby stay in the family, ask Social Services what support they are going to provide. I'd throw it back to them as its there job to provide support to maintain children at home or within the biological family when its possible. Adoption is an absolute last resort and shouldnt be an easy option.
Adoption would also cost them a lot more than helping you out with a couple of days childcare anyway. They do have a fair bit of money and its the welfare of the child that comes first. I cant see how they would be able to argue that adoption was in this childs best interests when all that is needed is a bit of help with childminding.

marybelle01

bossymoo wrote: »

I thought the difference was if the baby was willingly given to adoption, rather than taken into care by an order and then placed for adoption, the former being much quicker and placing the child earlier.

Such a shame, that poor littl baby. And yet it's probably a lot more common than we would like to think...

If a baby is given up willingly (which we should remember does not apply in this case!) and provided it is healthy and white then yes, the process is very fast. A friend of mine lives in a particular area. I won't specify where, but let's just say that there aren't any cities as most of us would call cities - their city is what I would call a small town. There are very very few non-white people live in the county. There are no non-white children in care of any sort. It is rather rare, although not unheard of, that any baby is subject to a court ordered care process. So you are getting a picture of this area? It's nice - mostly. It's "white" - mostly. Their annual "intake" of all children is something akin to our weekly one! Babies in care are in and out of the doors in seconds! Even where, in the rare cases, the baby isn't given up willingly for adoption, the shortage of available babies means that most babies can be placed in foster care immediately and with a family who will eventually adopt that child and are willing to take the risk of losing it to have a chance of keeping it.

That creates some tragedies of its own. But it's different from the ones we see in the big city.

mummyroysof3

you said the baby and its mother cant go with her when she is caring for elderly relative..why cant she? she would be in ear shot at all times..or has she got to be watched with baby at all times?

young babies sleep alot anyway so surely that would work?

wattdallas

Dunroamin wrote: »

Sorry to break your spiteful little bubble but I'm not wrong. Assuming that this new baby is white and healthy (which would be a normal to assume it would be) then an adoption would take place in a matter of weeks. It's only when Social Services have to fight for custody through the courts or if there were major health problems would the child have to stay in care for a period of time.

Adoption of healthy white babies is very straightforward with a queue of approved adoptive parents waiting for the chance to adopt. Only when children are older, are in sibling groups or have health problems are foster parents like me needed.

I'm not arguing with the OP in this matter so I'm certainly not going to argue with someone like you who isn't involved and doesn't understand the facts.

I'm not sorry to burst YOUR spiteful bubble ,but YOU don't know that baby will be adopted in a matter of weeks at all.I live in Cornwall in a very nice town and my husbands mate and wife have been waiting years to adopt ,they now have just adopted a 9 month old little girl and that child was placed straight to adoption. Not enough babies are been adopted its taking too long thus why things are about to change ie adopters will be able to foster until all adoption procedures have gone through.oh and let's not forget adopters whom pull out last minute and those that give them back.Maybe you need to brush up on YOUR facts.You haven't a maternal bone in your body .

gizmo111

I can't understand how this has gone from a referal and a CP conference because of a violent partner to a case conference deciding that mum is not capable and the decision being made that relatives apply for a residence or SG order totally by passing the court system.
Has legal advice been sought?
what does the mum think?
What assessments have been done on the mum?
What are her LD's?
Has the Working Together with parents with LD's been adhered to?

skipsmum

OP,
Most social services will pay for childcare if you ask loudly enough. I have experience of adopting and fostering, and have had childcare paid for at various points but I have had to be assertive to get it.
Best wishes, I hope it all goes well xx