Help with childcare for carer of elderly parent? Complicated!

mazza1985

Thank you for all of your replies. There are some key points that people felt needed addressing so I've tried my best to answer all of your questions - if you need any further information please do not hesitate to ask.

My nan is 81 years old. She has dementia and arthiritis. Someone raised the question of whether my nan is and would be receiving 35 hours a week care from my aunt. She receives far more than 35 hours at present, including care during the night when she wanders out into the street confused thinking that her house is on fire. She has an on call pendant she can use when she is distressed. My mum is going to become the first point of contact to respond to these calls instead of my aunt to free her up more to look after the child. However she will still be caring for her mother at least 35 hours a week, 5 hours a day every day.

Somebody made the suggestion of people switching their working hours. My cousin is unable to as she had a child last September and has had flexible working conditions agreed 6 months ago - it will be 6 months before she can reapply. My own mum works 6 days a week to support herself, her husband who was made redundant and is looking for work, and my sister who is disabled. My mum works for Tesco and is responsible for stock management and therefore has to work Monday to Friday. Yes she could work Sunday and have Saturday off but it will not make any difference to the difficulties we face. My mum has to work certain shifts to fullfil her role, and as she is not my nans or the childs carer she has no right to ask for flexible working conditions.

My nan would be eligible for personalisation, if she was not so insistant on not having professionals around. She may have dementia but she still has capacity and we cannot force her to have a service she does not want.

As for the fact that my cousin with LD is in an abusive relationship - of course we are concerned that is why we referred to social services. However she has capacity and free will and short of tying her to a chair and not letting her outdoors we cannot control what she does.

Thanks for all of your replies.

puddy

i would wonder whether you will pass the assessment for the residence order, the report may raise concerns about whether you can meet the needs of the child bearing in mind your other care responsibilities.

ive just assessed a similar case, but for special guardianship and there were care duties in the family which were less pressing than what you have described and it was a real issue. its still not finalised and i know that it will be an issue at court as to whether the order should be granted with those care issues present

puddy

sorry, i mean your aunt

mazza1985

puddy wrote: »

i would wonder whether you will pass the assessment for the residence order, the report may raise concerns about whether you can meet the needs of the child bearing in mind your other care responsibilities.

ive just assessed a similar case, but for special guardianship and there were care duties in the family which were less pressing than what you have described and it was a real issue. its still not finalised and i know that it will be an issue at court as to whether the order should be granted with those care issues present

I believe it is special guardianship that is going to be applied for, this is why I want to help my mother write a care plan that is watertight for her to present to the child protection case conference, which takes place a week tomorrow. The reality is that I cannot even offer to foster the child as I am 21 weeks pregnant with my own baby and they do not usually consider anyone that is pregnant or has a baby under 6 months. My cousins sisters own child is 11 months but she also has main responsibility for her other sister (who is not related to the woman in question, as they have different mums and dads) who is only 16.

The whole thing is a mess. I did suggest to my cousin that she though about her options when she announced her pregnancy despite it being 4 weeks after my miscarriage. However she insisted that she did not want a termination and we could not force the issue. I end up picking up the pieces from cases like this 20, 30, maybe 40 years down the line in my job, and I know that even if this is pulled the child could be affected later on in life. The reality is that my cousin is going to lose interest in her child and contact will dwindle out. Very sad indeed.

Anyway I am trying desperately to think of a solution, even if it is only for the next 6 months until I (well me and my partner) can take over care of the child. She does not qualify for WTC childcare element and it sounds like there is nothing else she can claim. It might be that the whole family will have to chip in for childcare - well, realistically it will be me and her sister that pick up the bill, as no-one else can afford to!

Cranny44

mazza1985 wrote: »

My nan would be eligible for personalisation, if she was not so insistant on not having professionals around. She may have dementia but she still has capacity and we cannot force her to have a service she does not want.

I understand your nan wouldnt want people round - not many older people do but the social worker should be mindful of this and perhaps they can do most of the visits and form filling without your nan being present. Then as it would be your Aunt being employed she wouldnt notice any difference to her situation and she wouldnt know she was in receipt of a service.

dandelionclock30

Social services could pay for the baby to go to a childminder for the couple of days when the family members couldnt look after it.
I know a grandma who was looking after her daughters kids and kept saying shed abandon them if she didnt get help etc. She got free childminding with social services paying.
Adoption should be an absolute last resort. Did people know that around 1/4 of all adoptions permanently break down?

puddy

any plan will need to be consistent and stable, so suggesting a plan for 6 months and then proposing that the plan changes the care for the child after that is too unstable. SSD will be looking for certainty and long term plans. of course families have things in their lives which change and need flexibility but you cant go into a situation like this with changes already needed, it shows them that the child's needs are not paramount

you say that your elderly relative cannot be forced to accept a service she does not want, unfortunately this baby does not have any choices at all, he/she has no voice or protector apart from the adults around. what choice would your aunts mum make if aunty was unable to provide care any more?

mazza1985

puddy wrote: »

any plan will need to be consistent and stable, so suggesting a plan for 6 months and then proposing that the plan changes the care for the child after that is too unstable. SSD will be looking for certainty and long term plans. of course families have things in their lives which change and need flexibility but you cant go into a situation like this with changes already needed, it shows them that the child's needs are not paramount

you say that your elderly relative cannot be forced to accept a service she does not want, unfortunately this baby does not have any choices at all, he/she has no voice or protector apart from the adults around. what choice would your aunts mum make if aunty was unable to provide care any more?

You have some very valid points. I am willing to foster as a very last resort, I strongly feel that the child should be near its extended family. This would only be considered if this care plan starts to fail, as a way of protecting the child.

cranny44 wrote:

I understand your nan wouldnt want people round - not many older people do but the social worker should be mindful of this and perhaps they can do most of the visits and form filling without your nan being present. Then as it would be your Aunt being employed she wouldnt notice any difference to her situation and she wouldnt know she was in receipt of a service.

Dandelionclock - I will ask social services about this.

This is a very good suggestion, thank you

princessdon

She can approach the hv for support but why can't she care for both? Is this no possible? Ie baby mum comes with her whilst caring?

wattdallas

Dunroamin wrote: »

Thank you for taking my suggestion in the way it was intended and I appreciate that your family don't want to make this choice.

However, for the sake of anyone else facing this situation, I have to say that you are totally wrong in the statement I've highlighted. There is a long waiting list for newborn babies who are willingly given up for adoption and there would be no reason why any of the things you mention to happen.

You do the adoption option a great disservice by putting out such misleading information, although I'm not going to take the discussion off topic any further by saying any more than this. I hope your family sorts something out.

You are so wrong Dunroamin - surely as an x foster carer you should know how the system works.