How to Handle CSA payment difficulties with Father

rpc

deannatrois wrote: »

It seems that trustee status means different things depending on which type of account is held, and at which bank.

It isn't so much the type of account as the type of trust. In virtually all cases with children's accounts, the trust is a bare trust and the child has an absolute entitlement to the money at age 16/18. Other types of trust (e.g. discretionary trust) need a trust deed or other governing document and the beneficiary often does not have a right make any decisions.

Apparently he's been betrayed, and will never forgive his son (huh? Surely forgiveness is needed the other way).

Betrayed because he wasn't permitted to break the law and his son has the money he is legally entitled to? Twit.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

At least you didn't find out he had emptied the account - which I would not be surprised was what he was actually planning on doing, and that it was a way of squirrelling money away from the eyes of the benefits people rather than saving for DS.


The no son bit - well, it's not as if the boy has existed for the spiteful turd for the last eight years, really, is it?

He's lost his control - and his personal piggy bank. Of course he's stropping. Shrug your shoulders and enjoy your son knowing that the ex has no hold over either of you anymore.


And make sure you get your backpayment as well.

embob74

Glad to hear you were spurred on to getting the money in your son's name so the father can not access it. How sad it was necessary though.
Your son is very lucky to have you supporting him.

My ex has also done the 'disowning' trick and also used them as a financial cash cow - great while he got tax credits and then he didn't want to know when that stopped. The kids now treat him with the disdain he deserves and I'm sure your son will do the same.

embob74

deannatrois wrote: »

Anyone who says welfare pays enough to bring up a child has a definite need to try living on welfare with two children lol. Not for a week.., for a few months to get the real effect when something breaks and there's no way to replace or repair it lol.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be contentious but I have to disagree with this statement.
I have been on benefits and while it could be difficult I also remember it as the time I could afford to smoke, go out occasionally, regularly buy the kids new clothes and spoil them at Christmas and birthdays.

Now I am in a relationship where my partner works very long hours which provides a reasonable income I can not afford to do any of those things.
I stopped smoking because, although I did not want the children to see me doing it, the cost was a big factor in that I couldn't justify that amount from wages.
We rarely go out now and clothes are usually second-hand or sale items.
Special occasions now have a spending limit. When we moved house I was disgusted at the amount of expensive toys stuffed in the loft which were hardly played and therefore such a waste of money but even if I wanted to buy like I used to we just couldn't afford to now.

[Deleted User]

Hiya I appreciate your experiences are different but I can only say I do not go out at all, budget aggressively and make a lot of hard choices as regards spending. If it wasn't for the DLA my older son gets it would be very difficult. I well remember when he went through a phase of only eating shop bought sandwiches and having to go through the sofa cushions to find £2 to buy them. He would quite happily not eat at all if it wasn't these sandwiches.

I'd prefer the situation hadn't arisen at all in some ways but now I know the account was vulnerable to being raided by my ex, it was better the money was moved. I agree that as he was hardly seeing our son before the CSA and savings account became an issue, in reality things haven't changed much. But of course u can't expect a vulnerable 16 year old to be anything but distressed by what has happened and been said by his father.

He is so angry and just cant see that he should be helping supporting his son. I imagine he'll change jobs or something to stop the csa taking money directly from his wages for a while so if they do ever get around to doing this I'll put away some of the money. September is going to be as difficult as I thought it would be (I have landlord probs as well so possibly will need to move).

Anyway, will take it day by day. At least the texts and phone calls have stopped. I wasnt taking the calls but had to take the phone off our son.

marmitepotato

I hope you get loads of back payment cash op. Then You should book a nice holiday for yourself and your son and make sure his dad knows about it!

Revenge is a dish best served cold!

jayII

I think things have probably changed as far as managing on benefits, due to the recession.

OH and I are both lucky enough to have work, but our disposable cash is dwindling by the day as everything is becoming increasingly expensive.

deannatrios: well done on sorting your DS's savings account out, that can't have been easy to do! I hope you get a decent amount of back payments from the ex, he should be thoroughly ashamed of himself for trying to duck out of his responsibilities to his child! :mad:

embob74

I appreciate things must be very different when providing for a child/children with extra needs and I am lucky I have never had that worry.

Hopefully the savings account is just the start of a more financially secure future for you all. If the CSA manage to get any payment from the father that would be great.
And you know what they say about things coming in three's.....perhaps now is the time to buy that winning lottery ticket? lol

MummyMummy_2

The money in the bank is for your son... Its his money! Not his dads! How scummy can he be to want to take away from his own sons future?? Can you not contact the bank and explain the situatiokn to see if there is anything they can do/confirm? As. For the csa then go for everything you can frm your ex... Its not to benefit you its to benefit your son! The money from your ex will help pay travel costs and will help to keep him in education! Why be worried about offending him? Has he shown you and your son the same courtesy? Your son is 16 ok i know hes not a grown up but hes old enough to understand whats happening and hes old enough to make his own decisions if his dad starts trying to influence him. You are doing nothing wrong by going through the csa, its a legal requirement that parents pay for their children. X

[Deleted User]

His charmer of a dad texted him the day before yesterday to say he is his son, he loves him but he doesn't know if he'll ever forgive him. Crumbs almighty lol.

I know I'm lol'ing but its only in amazement. Its upsetting our son but thank goodness he's getting perspective on it.

The CSA won't be a humungous amount but it'll help.

Got out of hospital last week (stress related, heart problems) and later that day had to call police on my older son's dad.

Last night some charming drunk/partying Eastern European neighbours broke my front door window and landlord insists I must repair it. Helps the finances no end. I've been having problems with him since I moved in. Its hotted up because I've been kicking up about signing a very iffy tenancy agreement that is almost totally in his favour for six weeks. Housing say I'm making myself voluntarily homeless if I don't sign the tenancy agreement, Shelter not an enormous amount of help so just to make things extra relaxing the landlord sent me a text this afternoon saying would I be in because he wanted to give me a month's notice (illegal, but what the heck, that's never bothered him before why should it now)? I have a plan though.., not sure it'll work (contacting Trading Standards because research tells me that they might deal with unfair terms in a tenancy agreement .., and going to see if this counts as harassment).

After taking my older son to enrol for sixth form today (to be told one of his choices was in a different group so he couldn't do it anymore cause he wanted to do another subject that is now in the same group) I spent the remainder of the day dealing with the police (re lovely neighbour deciding to punch door), phoning to find out if there was help with my son's sixth form fares (discovered that a few days ago a new post 16 pass was released in my area but no one in the education system seems to know much about it), interspersed with wanting to run out in the street and yell out 'stop world, I wanna get off' lol.

I keep telling myself, if bad things come in threes.., I surely must run out of threes sometime soon.