How to Handle CSA payment difficulties with Father

Kayalana99

I also agree,

If father paid nothing up untill child had no longer needed the money and mother had paid everything why couldn't the mother treat herself with back payments?

After all she has paid 100% so far where as the money from the father could of really helped the child when he/she needed it.

Seems fair play to me.

[Deleted User]

Anyone who says welfare pays enough to bring up a child has a definite need to try living on welfare with two children lol. Not for a week.., for a few months to get the real effect when something breaks and there's no way to replace or repair it lol.

puppypants

These fathers who try to get out of paying for their offspring really make my blood boil. I brought up 3 children on my own after my divorce with not one penny of financial assistance from my ex. I never claimed any benefits either and did it by working two jobs, up to 50 hours a week. Tried the CSA route at the time but he said he was unemployed, (although his business had a large advert in the Yellow Pages!!)

The children heard NOTHING from him in 20 years and recently he contacted them through facebook. It was when he started giving fatherly advice on how one of my sons should bring up his two lovely children, that was IT! He is now where he belongs, back out of their lives!!

Sorry OP, I know this doesn't help your case, but go for everything you can out of the !!!!!!, and good luck and hugs. Just needed that little rant XX

Fire_Fox

lazer wrote: »

I think you shouldn't used the money to pay for treats for yourself
Child Maintenance is paid so that the child gets the benefit of both parents income, the child in your case got no benefit from her fathers income.

Welfare in tis country provides enough that you can raise a child without maintenance, so you therefore obviously had at least the minimum amount needed to raise a child, the maintenance therefore has entirely pointless in your case IMO

A mother who is getting the child maintenance she is entitled to can set some of her own income aside for things like pension provision or a mortgage, in the long term that saves the state (taxpayer) money. Unless the mother dies penniless, the child will benefit in the will at the very latest - most often parents will help out with wedding costs, first car or rent whilst at university. Welfare is not generous enough for these.

gratefulforhelp_2

OP you have no need at all to be so apologetic for wanting the father of this young person to support him financially.

If the CSA are being dynamic for a change, let them do it, frankly they need the practice! x

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

lazer wrote: »

I think you shouldn't used the money to pay for treats for yourself
Child Maintenance is paid so that the child gets the benefit of both parents income, the child in your case got no benefit from her fathers income.

Welfare in tis country provides enough that you can raise a child without maintenance, so you therefore obviously had at least the minimum amount needed to raise a child, the maintenance therefore has entirely pointless in your case IMO

The child had the benefit of all of my income right up until she left home. She had absolutely no benefit from his as he did not pay a penny after a short period of time. Her father, however, had the benefit of all of his income throughout her childhood to indulge his hobbies.

I did not even ask for the maintenance, but seeing as the CSA had decided to claim their just portion from him, it would be silly to refuse it. Had he paid it when he was supposed to, she would have benefitted from it when she needed it. When she was a child.


Moreover, I do not think that a passport (which actually provided the means of identification necessary to be admitted to my first university exam; I had nothing acceptable to them previously), an attempt to obtain a driving licence, which could have provided an alternative means of employment and an instrument which has brought income into the house are particularly luxury purchases.




If anyone 'deserved' the money when it eventually arrived, it would have been my by then ex-partner, as he had unquestioningly supported somebody else's kid for five years when her own father didn't feel the need to do so. And, just in case you were wondering, I wasn't receiving out of work benefits. I was working.


I feel no guilt, no shock at your disapproval. I do not have a pension because I took the money to pay for school dinners. I do not have a mortgage because there wasn't a penny extra in the budget. Before I met my ex, we were nearly evicted three times because I just didn't have the money to meet every bill every time. He didn't feel any guilt about that. I feel no guilt about how I reacted to his finally being caught.

[Deleted User]

Completely agree with u Jojo. I feel much the same although I am not working (hoping to change that now please please god).

I've even told my ex that the CSA will have to allow a variation in the payments if he has contact costs (regular contact costs like fuel, hotel stays etc) to encourage him to see his son. I've offered to return the money the CSA take from him over and above what I'd accept with a private arrangement if I could in any way trust a private arrangement would work. But he's just too bitter and angry about the CSA being involved to listen.

Things blew up a bit last night. Our son now knows whats going on obviously and phoned his father up and asked for documentation for the savings account so he could go in with ID and prove ownership of the account (with the aim of re-activating the account and reinvesting it, its not earning any interest at the moment). His dad did a complete turn around and said that his son couldn't have access to the account til he was 18. Then he wanted to speak to me and accused me of being a money grabbing so and so and he wished he'd never brought up the account (so do I lol, up until he did in the way he did, I was quite happy with the idea of this little nest egg sitting somewhere waiting for our son to need it). Apparently he only brought it up so he could help out with our son's education costs (I make no comment lol). Needless to say he was quite irate.

We made a few enquiries and think there is a chance we can gain my son access to his account. If needs be he will have to contact his grandparents, but I'm dreading that because with his Dad saying I'm a money grubbing so and so, gawd knows what they'll say.., they never thought I was good enough for their son (had a bit of a hard time with them although I wasn't done for fraud claiming benefits while working, have always looked after my children, worked 20 hour days when I did work etc etc unlike their wonderful son.., but hey, such is life lol. I just laugh at it now).

I am trying to help my son get access to the money but also keeping our eye on the important things. He's still got his family. Obviously he's distraught at seeing this side of his father and I'm doing the best I can to help him see that at the end of the day its only money. It should be his to do with as he will (encouraging him to reinvest it thought lol) and so I'm trying to get him access to it but if he doesn't, he's no worse off than he was before financially.

Quite frankly, I wish the account had never been mentioned though. A sixteen year old is still half child and I'd have preferred he didn't see this side of life just yet.

[Deleted User]

OK a lot of faffing around but my son was finally able to withdraw the money from the savings account and put the majority in another ISA account (different bank) with no trustee status at all.

Its taken many phone calls, two visits to the local branch but its sorted, sort of.

At one stage I was told by the branch that our son could not withdraw the monies even if he was 30 unless his trustee/father agreed (until the trustee signed the account over to the named account holder). This was even after I'd phoned Santander Customer Services and confirmed the account, our son as the named account holder and been told he should have had free access to the monies once he turned 16. But eventually, after nore phone calls, on a second visit I managed to get the customer services person in the local branch to call their central customer services and confirm what I'd been told.

It seems that trustee status means different things depending on which type of account is held, and at which bank. U can't rely on local customer services to know this. I certainly would be very very careful if I ever opened up a child's savings account myself now. We could have been utterly powerless if a different account had been in question.

Oh.., and I don't know how.., but my ex has found out what we've done. Apparently he's been betrayed, and will never forgive his son (huh? Surely forgiveness is needed the other way). He's said his son doesn't exist for him anymore. I honestly have not tried to antagonise him. I haven't backed down but I have been trying to get him to see reason. Its like he's turned into a loon. He started saying he was planning to allow our son access to his account when he was 21 lol (it was 16, then 18 earlier this week)? I am of course aware that after a week and a half of trying to manipulate., he's now aware that he has no more power over us and its all he's got left to throw out the pram. I've told him to not be so hasty, he's only got one son. Probably won't take any notice though. U'd think some sort of crime had been committed the way he's reacting.

However, after the nasty phone calls started, I did phone our son's grandparents to make it clear what we'd done but it wasn't due to a lack of respect for them, that our son was very very grateful for the money and needed a laptop (he's actually ordered parts for a gaming PC too, which I am building for him to get the most value for the money it has cost). Most of the money has gone into an ISA account though. I've assured them it will stay there. She has never been terribly approving of me but she did seem to be ok with what I've done. And quite shocked at what her son has done re CSA and the savings account.

So all done. Our son has been a bit upset today.., particularly when his father sent the text disowning him so I've just been supporting him as best as I can.

Now.., after how my ex has behaved, I hope CSA take everything they can. I've had enough of someone with that kind of personality thinking its ok to behave this way. I have been civil to him for years regardless of how he's treated his son or me. I am rather glad the CSA has taken the action it has.

Ellie83

I read your whole thread deannatrois and, although I cannot really help with the CSA part of things, I am shocked and saddened that a father would take out his anger on his son. His own flesh and blood I hope your son is doing OK. You seem like a strong courageous woman to me, but it must also be very hard on you to see your son unhappy (actually, it must be more than just "unhappy", it must be devastating to see your father behaving like that toward you )

Gigervamp

What a !!!!!!!

I'm glad you were able to get the account sorted and I really feel for your son, poor lad. Still, at least he has a good mum.