Flying solo

*Robin*

Hello Diary and MSE Friends, :hello:

chevalier wrote: »

Hi Robin sorry to hear that things have been so stressful for you again. I am going to say something and I hope you won't take offence, but I have to ask this.

Hello Chev, thanks for posting.
No, am not at all offended by any comment which provokes thought - now that PC is no longer able to counter my really stupid ideas, sometimes do need telling..

chevalier wrote: »

You seem to expect to do a lot of helping out of your sons. Ie in this plan above you are thinking in investing in something for DS4 with DS1, but you expect to set it up. Erm what is to stop DS1 doing this with DS4 as it will be half his flat? DS1 doesn't have a debilitating illness does he LIKE YOU? Are they not between them capable of furnishing a flat to a decent standard.

:think: DS1 doesn't have PoA for me, so we would both need to autograph the official paperwork. I want to be involved anyway; together we can use our individual strengths to make a better job of the project.
Furnishing is a great example. DS1? :rotfl:
DS4 would do a good job if handed a generous budget, whereas I'd start by looking through the furniture we've already got in storage before going shopping for new essentials (eg. beds).

chevalier wrote: »

Likewise with DS2 and GF. I hope you DON'T give her the money for any counselling, if she is a native then why can't she get it for free on the equivalent of their health service. And if this isn't available then HER parents can help out I am sure, she is after all THEIRS. And to be honest at the moment she is JUST a girlfriend even if a live in one, and I would be leery of financially helping out at this stage.

GF has been told there is no public health service Psychologist in the area. Cutbacks.
She was a little taken aback when I asked casually how she's getting on, then relaxed and spoke openly about her MH issues.
Also told me both her parents are unemployed, trying to keep up appearances but worried they'll lose their home. Sounds like they'd benefit from a Spanish version of MSE, tbh. Definitely can't afford private medicine.

The various insights posted on this diary were incredibly useful during the conversation I had with DS2 and GF. Ani's comment about how a desperate low might well follow fast behind an episode of intense euphoria, rang some bells. GF had been so happy; looking forward to holidaying with her new family, then.. Crash.
She wants to understand why these cycles happen - don't think the idea of finding out for herself in order to take back some control, has ever been suggested before?

Might reinstate Family Sunday Lunch (weather permitting). Give us a regular opportunity to meet up, talk through GF's thoughts and get to know each other better.
Very good for my Spanish; intense mental effort but worth it all round.
Maybe we can manage some kind of substitute for professional talking therapy (avoiding a large bill)?
DS2 seems to have accepted that his request was inappropriate, because it's not been mooted again.

chevalier wrote: »

Personally I think you do enough already for your children. You give them places to live etc (could you rent these for money or did you say the law had changed and if it has do you just need a licence to rent them out again) which means less money for you.

Ah, wait until your boys are setting out on independent lives..
I'd have to spend a fair bit on upgrading PC's cottages before they could be rented out again, which isn't really worth it at the moment because their location doesn't attract wealthy holiday-makers. Better to have the cottages available [gratis] for family and friends to use (as GF is out of hospital her benefits are being paid again, so she and DS are managing to keep up with the rent on their city house - but PC's big cottage is an option when their tenancy ends in a couple of months' time).

grannyx2 wrote:

I know how you feel about having to do when able, that is how I find myself these days. My health has taken a backwards slide this year and that affects me emotionally as well as physically.

Oh Granny, :grouphug:
It is hard realising you can no longer do some of the things you used to. Frustration and regret are so draining..
Will let you know if I find a definitive solution - but please don't hold your breath. :cool:

grannyx2 wrote:

The trees sound lovely, I hope the weather holds long enough for you to get them planted.

The walnut has been planted. It completes a row of trees along the drive, replacing a mango which didn't survive our absence last summer. Must say it looks great, a lovely sturdy little tree. :cool2:
The other two are staying in pots on the patio for now, as I've no idea where to put them (yet).

Hope life is treating all MSEers well; sorry I've had little time to read around the diaries - RL is unusually busy at the moment..

debtfreewannabe321

Agree the trees sound lovely, I wish we could get something a little more exotic than a crab apple round here

I hope you managed to move all the funds into savings accounts now (so you get the benefit rather than just the bank )

Family dinner sounds great, I wish I lived closer to my mum or dad so we could have Sunday's together, I think you should do it...plus whilst the children are there you can not only give the GF some free therapy you can get any jobs you can't do yourself, done by the boys x

leanne77

Hi Robin, I hope you'll forgive a stranger intruding on your diary.

I was just reading that GF was describing her depression as running in cycles and I was wondering if you had heard of cyclothyima. This is a mild or sub form of bipolar. I found out about it when I was researching St John's Wort to try and treat my own greys and it showed up as something that St John's Wort shouldn't be used for. The cycle part of the name caught my attention because I have often thought I do not have 'proper' depression because I always cycle out of it if I can hang on long enough. Anyway the person has depressive lows and then hyper phases, which sounded a bit like what you were describing so I thought I'd mention it as it seems a bit obscure.

Also, just as a thought, from someone I know's experience, if someone is paying significant amounts for you to be treated for depression the pressure to 'get better' is intense and it makes any setback seem twice as bad. And this was their parents paying for it. The pressure if it's your boyfriend's mother would be horrendous (to me). And while it's might be okay while you're doing well, you don't want it to become another stick for her to beat herself with when she's feeling down.

I don't at all mean you would pressure her, just that the pressure would be there with the money. And all the advice about being casual and helpful and stuff will be really difficult because it will be your money paying for the treatment, which would make even the lightest question a loaded one.

Hope that wasn't too intrusive, feel free to ignore me as I'm generalising without knowing the people involved (eighth deadly sin). You seem such a lovely person I'm sure whatever you do will be the right thing.

Leanne

HeadAboveWater

Thinking about you Robin

*Robin*

Good [STRIKE]morning[/STRIKE] afternoon Diary and MSE Friends, :hello:

Apologies for being 'absent'.

Another son has flown away. Bearing property lists, hopes, and gifts for the kind mate who's lending him a sofa while he's looking for a more permanent place to live.

After so much activity - sorting, packing, folk calling in to say goodbye and wishing Divo Four good luck - Daft Dogs and I were left feeling restless in the sudden quiet. None of us slept well for a couple of nights (over-tired, I was back on the three hours awake, three hours flat out cycle ).
But it was [STRIKE]almost[/STRIKE] definitely worth it to witness a couple of perfect Autumn mornings; as the dawn sky brightened, light reflected off swirling ground-mist that made it look as if the Nest was at the edge of a lake, from which ghostly trees loomed. The only sounds were of unseen wildlife; a couple of young foxes calling above the strumming of cicadas [a large grass-hopper] in the trees, which is a constant backdrop in all seasons except winter.

An informative chat with DS1 has led to a slight change of direction. At the moment he's got his eye on an auction property; only if it goes above his budget will he be interested in joining forces. Oh well.
So for the time being DS4 will be looking at the bottom end of the market; not as central, mostly ex-LA properties. There are also some quite nice, modern shared-ownership flats and houses on offer - however, am wary of those schemes (partly due to ignorance, but have also read plenty of worrying threads on MSE buying/selling/renting board).
My first and second choices from last week's R!ghtmove search have already been sold - who said the market is slow? But there are half a dozen possibilities worth looking at (not including DS4's previous favourite - DS1 agrees with me; that one would be a logistical nightmare to repair!).

debtfreewannabe321 wrote:

I hope you managed to move all the funds into savings accounts now (so you get the benefit rather than just the bank

D.Free, (do you mind if I adjust your knickname in honour of your new status? :T).
Thank you very much for the reminder..
I hadn't, but have now - shoved it in a basic BH e-saver a/c because I just couldn't get m'head around the idea of dealing with yet another bank atm. Especially as the funds probably won't be there very long.

leanne77 wrote: »

Hi Robin, I hope you'll forgive a stranger intruding on your diary.

Hello Leanne, :hello:
Welcome to the Nest, and thank you very much for posting. You certainly are not intruding; all comments are gratefully received.
I'd not come across cyclothyima before, so was interested to read about it. But as you say, it describes a mild form of BP; the sudden [potentially fatal] depressive episodes which hit GF every few months suggest a more severe disorder?
DS2 said GF's diagnosis is not BP, but he struggled to find a translation - will have to wait until GF has enough confidence to write it down for me.

leanne77 wrote: »

Also, just as a thought, from someone I know's experience, if someone is paying significant amounts for you to be treated for depression the pressure to 'get better' is intense and it makes any setback seem twice as bad. And this was their parents paying for it. The pressure if it's your boyfriend's mother would be horrendous (to me). And while it's might be okay while you're doing well, you don't want it to become another stick for her to beat herself with when she's feeling down.

I don't at all mean you would pressure her, just that the pressure would be there with the money. And all the advice about being casual and helpful and stuff will be really difficult because it will be your money paying for the treatment, which would make even the lightest question a loaded one.

Leanne, many thanks for pointing this out. :T
Hadn't occurred to me at all; but very, very important. Of course it wouldn't be a good idea to put GF under that kind of pressure, no matter how well-meaning.

debtfreewannabe321 wrote:

Family dinner sounds great ........... whilst the children are there you can not only give the GF some free therapy you can get any jobs you can't do yourself, done by the boys

Children? :rotfl:

Last time DS2 and GF turned up [unexpectedly] at the same time as the firewood man. They pitched in - eagerly in GF's case. She said she really enjoyed helping me stack the newly reinforced shed as economically and tidily as possible - must say she did a great job. Don't think we've ever managed to get over two cubic metres of logs in there before. It's almost worth a 'photo.**

After that we had a cuppa on the patio, and a chat. It wasn't long before Fat Dog wandered over to GF for a cuddle; a request for the grooming tools soon followed.
GF loves brushing Daft Dogs (think she's done it every time she has visited - fine by me, as the girls really should be brushed daily - which they aren't when it's down to me ). Guess it's a pretty therapeutic activity too.
I made some kind of jokey comment about how we're all family at home so it's good to get on with jobs rather than just sit talking, then took advantage of GF's concentration on the dogs; seemed a perfect time to hoover the Nest (which should also be done daily while the girls are shedding their coats, but isn't. Life is too short..). Meanwhile DS2 had a siesta (men! ).

Which reminds me. Having survived Friday 13th yesterday, it must be Saturday today. Housework day. _pale_
Have already cleaned out the left-overs from the fridge - Daft Dogs happily hoovered up an egg fried rice concoction for lunch, with pickings from a chicken carcass and a few tired veg mixed in.

Washing up and hoovering await.
Once they're ticked off I'll have a look in the freezer; see whether there's anything left for a possible Sunday Dinner with Guests menu. Could be tricky, as supplies were seriously depleted by Divo Four's farewell meal.
:think:
Oh Crikey - Paperwork Mountain is spread out all over the dining room. We can still eat on the patio, but I really prefer to keep the tentative workings of my [STRIKE]tax return[/STRIKE] nemesis private - am sick of just piling up files and shoving 'em out of the way every time guests arrive.

** Thanks for dropping in, HAW.
You've put some gorgeous 'photos in your diary - please can you tell me [in simple steps] how to do it?

*Robin*

Freezer inventory:

Pkt of fish fingers (full).
Salmon fillet x 1.
Chicken fillet x 1.
Half bag of mixed mushrooms.
Half bag of broad beans.
Two bags of raw dog-meat.
Veg Spring Roll x 1.
Semi-skimmed milk x 4.
Seeded wholemeal bread x 4.
L!dl ice-cream lollies x 2.
Box of langoustines - this final item offered hope, then disappointment - it only contained four shrimps.

Therefore will not be inviting anyone to dinner until after the next trip into town.

Just as well, because it was more appealing to pick almonds than spend time in Mr Dys0n's noisy company this afternoon.

Ho hum.

*Robin*

Hello Diary, :hello:

Am beginning to realise that Plan F will have a big impact on everyday finances if/when it goes ahead. Without DS1's partnership, am going to need borrowed money to set up this scheme.

BH are offering a 'personal five year loan' for <40K. There's another 30K available on empty CCs (10K @ 0%).
Repayments would swallow more than predicted income from two lodgers, meaning the shortfall would have to come out of my budget.

PC would have been delighted to sit down with calculator, pen and paper to work out all the possible scenarios - and come up with an affordable maximum purchase figure. :A

I'm [STRIKE]guessing[/STRIKE] lost.

Another problem is that my knowledge of the city is very out of date. Had written off one flat because it's close to an arterial road. In my undergrad days, anyone cycling into the centre along that road took their life in their hands during every second of the journey..
But now, DS4 tells me there is not only a cycle lane at the side of the road, but also an alternative cycle way along the river which avoids almost all the traffic.

Don't know what to do.

sammr85

Unlurking :wave: Robin

Would said city be Oxford? I might be able to help if it is x

HeadAboveWater

Hello

*Robin* wrote: »

** Thanks for dropping in, HAW.
You've put some gorgeous 'photos in your diary - please can you tell me [in simple steps] how to do it?

Ummmm... here goes...

The original photos need to be uploaded to an online album somewhere. I use google+, but facebook or photobucket are perfect. You need to copy the URL of the image.

When writing your post, click on the image button above the box you're typing in.....

This opens a small pop-up up where you can then paste the URL of the picture, eg http://xaxor.com/images/Beautiful-sunsets-over-the-sea-photography/Beautiful-sunsets-over-the-sea-photography21.jpg

becomes.....

(random image courtesy of google!)

Hope that helps!

The autumn mornings are def something not to be missed
And the wildlife too!! Hard to beat!

please-let-me-be-lucky

Cooooooeeeee!!! Anyone home? Xx