Sports clubs - is there a requirement to disclose my son's disability?

mrs_sparrow

Just wanted to add something - it turned out to be quite long so bear with me..... sorry.

In school the most disruptive children we have experienced are not the ones with disabilities. When my son first started school the parents would invite me over to find out 'how I got my diagnosis as their son would not do as they were told'. Yeah, this is usually because when you say no the child carries on and you just stand there and let them keep on doing it!!

I always say that it is a condition, not an excuse!

Can I just also just say, most kids with ADHD will be medicated and can listen and do listen to instructions. It's just that they are not standing still all of the time and you may think they are not, or they are picking at something as their hands have to be busy. They do follow the instructions and they do not do whatever they please because usually there is a parent not far behind reminding them to listen/stop/etc....

if the condition is left untreated, this is when you have issues. Some parents refuse to medicate their children - however, they still expect them to behave 'normally'. it is not going to happen.

The condition comes with so many stigmas I cannot even begin to tell you, comments such as 'I suppose you've doped him to the eyeballs' is a very hard one because yes, my son is medicated but only after a 'trial' at a request of the school which went on for months before I gave in - and it came with a huge amount of guilt in giving him the medication. So much so he does not have it in the holidays - I do not give him it to make MY life easier (as has also been suggested many times - maybe I am out to prove something) but he was seriously underachieving because he could not concentrate to get his work done - within a month of having the meds he was above average levels and his handwriting improved, his level of work improved and obviously his concentration improved. He clearly needs the medication to make HIS life better and to reach the achievements he is capable of. Without it, he cannot read or write properly.

When he was at the gym before he was not medicated however, his car dis marked and he cannot go back there. He has not had it all holiday but today he has had it because he is at an all day club tomorrow (first time - I am nervous, LOL) and he needs to adjust to it after so long in having it. The house is peaceful and calm, it is very odd.

Younger children do have problems, yes, but then so do all younger children. Older children learn what is expected of them but if they do not get the opportunity to learn because no-one will give them a chance, then no they will not learn. School helps though because the structure is there.

However, children with ADHD do things without thinking of the consequences such as being hurt by something. They also say things without thinking of consequences of things also. Generally they have very poor social skills - my son still has no friends which is hard - because of this and children with ADHD usually are somewhere else on the ASD spectrum.

As an example with trampolining - the first week my son was there he had been watching the older kids doing their somersaults onto a bigger crash mat. When it was his turn he got onto the trampoline, pulled the mat over and started doing somersaults. The coach (who I know and that is why he started going) mouthed through the window 'OMG, He has no fear' and just let him carry on. And it is that that can be turned into something positive as he learns much more from this. I have learned to shut my eyes and let him get on with it as long as he is not doing something too dangerous. He has a massive play frame in the garden and he is always making elaborate climbing things and hanging upside down from them. Other parents will often comment on how he has no fear, he is like a little monkey. However, this is our positive out of this condition. He is very strong and has a huge amount of core strength, we just need to channel it in the right direction. He has a BMX and has landed on his face and mangled in the bike so many times but has no issue with getting back on. People who partake in Adrenaline sports - I'd put money on many of them having ADHD myself!!

The condition does come with a huge amount of stigma though and as I said before, usually there is a parent at the end of that child trying to prove their child is not unruly, misbehaved and naughty and they are not a 'bad parent' and will do their utmost to help their child get what they want/need to have a better life. Of course not every parent is like this, some are in denial, some do not want to medicate - however, MOST of us just want our children to be seen as normal kids and help them get on at what they excel at - and get rid of the myths that surround the condition. Too many people say their kids have it when they cannot control their children - and then those of us whose kids actually do have a diagnosed condition are the ones that end up paying the price for this. You have to wonder if the same people would stick their child in a wheelchair to get a better seat at a concert though. It's disgraceful to lie about your child having something wrong with him/her.

I hope this helps. That turned into a massive post so thank you if you got this far. I have no idea where my son get's it from..... :rotfl: honestly.

dancingfairy

Your thread has been very insightful. I hope your son has a lovely time tomorrow. Please can you let us know how he gets on as I'm sure everyone is dying to know.
df

mrs_sparrow

dancingfairy wrote: »

Your thread has been very insightful. I hope your son has a lovely time tomorrow. Please can you let us know how he gets on as I'm sure everyone is dying to know.
df

It's Monday but yes I will. If it works out I am going to try and get him into at least 3 sessions each week during the school holidays to rebuild his confidence.

Writing this gave me the 'oomph' to try again and report anyone who was not interested in having him in their club. I just picked the bad one first I guess. :mad: Whenever I mention them to anyone it seems they do not have a very good reputation at all.

There are a few clubs nearer than this one but they do not have the full gym set up which would mean boys would not get the ring and bar work but I have everything crossed this works out as it will be so good for him to have something to focus on and build his self esteem.

undaunted

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

Ceb, Huntingdon is about an hour away from me. Can you reply to PM's if you are new? Can someone let me know please before I reply to ceb. I'd rather travel E/N/W from where we live as we will otherwise have to travel towards London and this is why it'll take so long to get there and back.

And thank you so much for understand. Your post made me cry because I did not know any of this but just to know someone realises that even ADHD kids have potential.

Besides, they never get tired and can keep on going, and going, and going.....

New members cant post links but should be able to reply to your PM without issue. If "Ceb" is able to make good on their offer of help / pointing you in the right direction it must surely be the most promising offer of help you've had so far or are likely to get here so why not drop them a line & find out?


I'm saddened reading your thread / experiences and some of the answers I really am. I would have hoped that any good coach would at least make the effort to find out about the child & whether they could help or point you in the direction of someone who could. How sad that this proves not to be the case particularly in the year of the Olympics & paralympics.

Good luck

mrs_sparrow

rpc wrote: »

As far as I am concerned, yes, unless another adjustment can reasonably be made. If having the parents there moderates behaviour, then that would be fine. But ultimately, if it is a choice between serious disruption or getting rid of the disruptor, then the offending child should be removed (whether they are ADHD or not, ASD or not, rich, poor, black, white, pink, purple, have PMT, spoilt brat or bully). ADHD and so on are explanations for bad behaviour, but not excuses that grant immunity.

110% in agreement with the bold statement and everything in this post.

I have always said 'it is a condition, not an excuse'.

undaunted

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

Hi all,

Well, good news. I just wanted to let you know that my son is booked in for a trial session at a gym on Monday morning. I was surprised they had spaces but yes, not a problem at all.

I hope that your efforts now pay off & he is able to progress in the sport. Good luck.

thegirlintheattic

Glad it's all sorted.

mrs_sparrow

I wanted to come back and let you know how it went today as you were all so kind to give me some advice last week.

My son had a fantastic time today. To be honest it was not as I thought it was going to be and I was a bit worried when I realised but he loved it as he was able to use the 'proper' equipment (as he calls it). There were not many boys of his age, most of the kids were between the ages of 3 and 5 who were not really interested and he was with a group of them. I did see some of them pulling him out of the line but he dealt with it really well - he really wants to do this so knows that he cannot do anything that will get him in trouble and just told the lad to get back in line and wait.

The coaches were all teens (again this worried me) but really were excellent with him. When it was his turn he would finish his moves with a landing so they could see that he was not a newbie and then they started giving him something to do that was harder than the other kids, so they were pushing him and if they saw he found it easy they would ramp it up a bit more to challenge him.

He was as good as gold, despite their being lots of waiting as the kids were much younger and it was a VERY busy gym he sat and waited without complaining at all. He goes back next week for another session.

And.... I did not realise but I think they had been watching him as they said something to me at the end when I went to see about booking him in again. I guess they are not used to have someone go to summer classes that is already trained. He starts there in a few weeks time and he will be in with a group of boys that are the same age as him and that have been training for a while. They have told me they will see how he does for the first term and if he needs to they will move him up to the Intermediate classes, they also said that he would start training for club championships after next spring.

It is a way to go to get there and I did want to start hockey myself and Gym clashes but my son really, really wants to do this so he comes first. I can wait a little longer for me so it's not a big deal. It's been a good day and he had a good day at the summer club last week as well and is going back tomorrow for another day there.

Thank you all for your help. I feel so excited for him, he had such a lovely time and has been going on and on about the things he has been doing today.

NAR

So glad he enjoyed it, sounds like he has a good future with this club! :j :j

CH27

I'm so glad your son is happy