I Think It's Time To Cease Contact But I'm Confused!

princeofpounds

I'm going to come at this from a slightly different angle.

There is a middle ground in between total cut-off and the hassle you have gone through until now.

Certainly telling her not to visit you sounds reasonable. Certainly you don't need the hassle of regular contact.

But you might find you feel less guilty if instead of total blanking, you change the relationship to what I would call 'birthdays and christmas letters' level. i.e. you communicate only on distinct occasions, to let her know that she is not out of your mind even if she is not particularly involved in your life.

What specific occasions and what methods of communication would be up to you of course.

I'm not saying this is the best option for you. Maybe total cut-off is better, maybe the other side's behaviour means even this is not workable. But ideas of this nature have rarely been mentioned in the thread so far so I thought I would.

Slinky

That's all very well, but do you want stress added to your life when you want to actually enjoy Christmas and birthdays?

OP would you choose to know this person if she were a random stranger? Don't let the 'relation' card drag you down. We are all responsible for the actions we choose. We only get one life. Your relative has chosen this pattern of life for herself, don't let her influence spread down the line to your child.

Good luck.

thorsoak

How much will a solicitor cost? Not sure - but if you ring up some local firms and explain the situation, they may be able to give you a "ball-park" figure. I don't think that this would come into the half-hour free league that some solicitors give ...but it would be worth asking!

londonsurrey

princeofpounds wrote: »

I'm going to come at this from a slightly different angle.

There is a middle ground in between total cut-off and the hassle you have gone through until now.

Certainly telling her not to visit you sounds reasonable. Certainly you don't need the hassle of regular contact.

But you might find you feel less guilty if instead of total blanking, you change the relationship to what I would call 'birthdays and christmas letters' level. i.e. you communicate only on distinct occasions, to let her know that she is not out of your mind even if she is not particularly involved in your life.

What specific occasions and what methods of communication would be up to you of course.

I'm not saying this is the best option for you. Maybe total cut-off is better, maybe the other side's behaviour means even this is not workable. But ideas of this nature have rarely been mentioned in the thread so far so I thought I would.

You are of course right about the middle ground being an option.

The reason why I have disregarded it in my IMHO advice is the danger flag the grandmother has triggered, i.e. she is ALREADY using available methods of communication to ride roughshod over the OP's expressed wishes, i.e. OP said "don't visit", grandmama sends a message saying "Oh, we're popping down to stay, don't bother answering, because we're coming".

This harasser is already happily and blatantly brickwalling the OP, even without the higher stakes threat of contact being curtailed/removed.

NewKittenHelp

I would send a solicitor's letter to them informing them that you no longer wish to have either of them in your life. Even if it costs you £200, it'd a darn sight cheaper than what the stress they bring if they remain in your life may cost you.

princeofpounds

That's all very well, but do you want stress added to your life when you want to actually enjoy Christmas and birthdays?

Read my post carefully, it is firmly in inverted commas indicating that it is not literal but a turn of phrase. I stated that the methods and times of communication would be chosen by the OP. So it doesn't have to be on such occasions at all.

The reason I used the phrase is that it is traditionally those times when people maintain distant relationships, with a phone call or letter updating people on their lives. That's all.

chirpychick

Having thought about things a lot and reading the comments on here I don't feel that it is appropriate to have any form of contact - however I was considering it so the discussion as to whether or not this should be done is interesting.
I think I only have one real option.
My husband and I have been talking since he got home from work and he says we will change our telephone number and block emails etc if necessary.
We can't afford a solicitor but know that the option is there if necessary.
I really appreciate all thoughts and suggestions

NewKittenHelp

chirpychick wrote: »

Having thought about things a lot and reading the comments on here I don't feel that it is appropriate to have any form of contact - however I was considering it so the discussion as to whether or not this should be done is interesting.
I think I only have one real option.
My husband and I have been talking since he got home from work and he says we will change our telephone number and block emails etc if necessary.
We can't afford a solicitor but know that the option is there if necessary.
I really appreciate all thoughts and suggestions

I'd recommend you send a letter via recorded or special delivery stating your wishes that they no longer contact you and that any further contact will be harassment and you will have no choice but to involve the police. I'm sure you'll be able to find a template online to help you quote the necessary legislation should you wish to.

Definitely change your emails, numbers and go ex-directory too so they cannot contact you.

marisco_2

Some people are purely toxic OP. They dont have it within them to be decent human beings. For reasons only known to themsleves they choose to conduct themselves in a rude and aggressive manner and appear to have no self respect or moral compass.

They are to be pitied but not tolerated. Cut all ties with your nan is my advice and concentrate on those people who love and care for you.

mgdavid

solicitors should give you the first 30 minutes free of charge. After that it's around £200 per hour and they tend to charge by the minute.
You could always try free advice from your local Citizens Advice Bureau.