I Think It's Time To Cease Contact But I'm Confused!

luxor4t

You are going to be a mother soon. Congratulations!
Mothers protect their children. Think about this:
"There were incidents where my Nan would make me lie to my Mum & Dad when I was young about 10 and tell me not to tell them her husband had been drink driving and not to tell them when he set fire to the house with me inside etc."
Swap the roles around. Imagine your child in the situations you were put into.
You know what you need to do to protect your child.

Tish_P

It's her own bleeding fault that you're "all she has left!"

How does the fact that nobody else will put up with her obligate you to? You haven't mentioned a single positive thing she brings to your life. All she has is guilt and whining and threats. Cut her out, weather the inevitable tantrum, then breathe a sigh of relief, and spend your time and energy on people who make you happy.

Gigglepig

If you feel bad about cutting contact with gran completely, perhaps you can see her occasionally "on neutral ground" but insist you will not have anything to do with her partner?

A lot of the incidents you mention seem to be where the partner has behaved appallingly and gran is covering up for him. This is not right or nice of her, but it sounds a bit like he may be the biggest problem?

rpc

A chat with a solicitor, looking towards getting an injunction, would not be amiss.

I would pop down to you local police station and explain the situation to them. If you explain the history of violence, drink, etc and that you expect your unwelcome visitors to "kick off" when you deny them entry, they can flag your address as a priority and make sure they attend quickly if you call. This is not at all uncommon in cases of domestic violence or where a breach of the peace is expected.

jellyhead

If they come over while you're decorating the nursery they'll be smoking in your house, affecting you while you're pregnant.

Also, they don't seem to have changed their behaviour since you were a child yourself, and they're not old so they will be probably be alive until your own child is an adult ...

It's their own faults that none of their children will speak to them. If all of them have washed their hands of them then it's not your responsibility to be 'all that she has left' ... she could try patching things up with one of her children if she's that lonely.

Don't feel guilty for wanting to put your child first.

Welshwoofs

Here's my blunt appraisal:

1. You have a seriously ill Father and you're in a high risk pregnancy
2. Your Grandmother sounds like a total waste of oxygen and you need to cut the cord; tell her she's out of your life. Then dump her email address into your spam file, drop her off your FB friend's list and change your number if she doesn't stop hassling you there. If she still finds ways to hassle you, get an injunction out on her.

You really don't need toxic people like that in your life and you owe her nothing. She's chosen to live the life she lives so the harvest of that life is hers alone to reap.

Mr_Toad

Life is too short to put up with people like that even if they are related.

Cut all contact, never look back and never feel guilt. Believe me she WILL try and make it feel like it's all your fault, ignore her.

chirpychick

Thank you everyone you have been such a big help.

Can I ask, if I see a solicitor is that likely to cost a lot of money?

I was discussing it with my husband and he pointed out I will probably feel bad for a day or 2 until she starts causing trouble then between them they will validate the reasons for not having them in our lives.

Having your input has helped put everything in perspective

tesuhoha

Maybe you should send her a final email saying if they come they won't be allowed into your house.

harrys_nan

I think you must do what your heart is telling you, and thats to say goodbye. I know it will be hard, but you need to put you and your new baby 1st.
You should not be having this stress at anytime in your life let alone now, you have tried to be kind and caring but now is the time to look after yourself.
(((Big hugs)))
Congratulations on the new baby to be x