So bl**dy peed off...BRIDEZILLA ALERT!!!

Dekazer

Oh how rude of them, you're perfectly entitled to feel miffed. I have a couple of thoughts which might (I hope!) help, otherwise feel free to ignore them

First, inviting evening guests to become all-day guests is fine. It's perfectly acceptable - people understand what weddings are like these days. Yes, be selective (either people who are local, or teachers who are on school hols, or people who are travelling down the day before...) Yes, do it by phone so you can communicate it properly. Yes, ask people you know will be pleased and honoured.

Second thing is, people do cancel or not turn up. We had a couple pull out of the daytime, thankfully with reasonable notice. One person was a no-show on the day and I confess I've not spoken to him since. However, that's because he didn't get in touch to tell us (either before or after, to apologise) and when I texted him to see what had happened, he replied, 'sorry I didn't come, I was a tad under the weather'. Just rude).

A few people didn't show to the evening do, but for the most part they got in touch later to say why. Those people who had RSVPed to say they'd come, and then didn't show and didn't get in touch, we have left to it. It niggles for a couple of weeks, but then you get over it.

So please don't feel too bad about this. Take the opportunity to invite some people you sadly couldn't squeeze in earlier, and get on with enjoying your day. Have a great time all you brides getting married this week!

mildred1978

EllieBelly1 wrote: »

Oh I totally understand, i would be fuming!! We are getting married next Fri and I have had one person who said they couldn't come phone up my Mum and say that they will be attending the ceremony with a friend! The ceremony was the bit we were tight on numbers and we filled her spot so we just don't have the room, Mum told her it was fine so now I have to grovel with the venue to see if they can squeeze in 2 more people!!

Legally you can't prevent anyone from attending the ceremony anyway, seat or no seat. So they can bring 50 friends with them if they like and nobody can stop them.

[Deleted User]

scarlet1985 wrote: »

So bl**dy peed off!! Just had a message off OH's godparents saying they can't make it to the wedding THIS FRIDAY :eek: as they have booked a holiday as it was cheaper for them to go Friday than Saturday. I know this is a money saving forum but I think its so rude!!!
Only got 2 days to try and bump someone up from evening or we've wasted £100 grrrrrrr:mad:

Thanks for the rant

1. contact your nearest, dearest time-flexible friends who you really wanted to come to the daytime do & ask if they are free - explaining that some very rude guests dropped you in it & you'd much rather have them there instead.

2. Politely telephone the godparents, and wish them a happy holiday & where should you send the wedding meal that cost £50 per person? Or would they rather you kept it & they sent you £100! (not entirely serious but it would show them what they'd done!) :rotfl:

Valli

mildred1978 wrote: »

Legally you can't prevent anyone from attending the ceremony anyway, seat or no seat. So they can bring 50 friends with them if they like and nobody can stop them.

I can understand this if it's a 'public' venue like a church but is this still the case if the wedding is in a 'privately-booked' venue such as a hotel or historic building? When my sister married in Rockingham Castle all the ceremony seats were allocated to named, invited guests also, IIRC.

(just being nosey)

[Deleted User]

Valli wrote: »

I can understand this if it's a 'public' venue like a church but is this still the case if the wedding is in a 'privately-booked' venue such as a hotel or historic building? When my sister married in Rockingham Castle all the ceremony seats were allocated to named, invited guests also, IIRC.

(just being nosey)

I think anyone is entitled in law to attend any civil or religious marriage/partnership ceremony - but not to expect a seat or any nosh!!

Idiophreak

ali-t wrote: »

I would be really angry if someone had invited me to their evening reception and then with 2 days to go expected me to fill in, take a days annual leave or unpaid leave from work to go to their wedding for the whole day.

Just swallow the loss and don't antagonise the friends you have inviting for the evening by 'bumping them up' which I find disrespectful. If you didn't want me there all day to begin with, I wouldn't feel valued to be herded into a full day place just to save you money.

Have to say, I'm completely shocked that this has three thanks. I really just can't align myself with how some people think.

A lot of weddings cost £50-100/ head for dinner and so a lot of people do a day list and an evening list. This has nothing to do with "not wanting" people there in the day...and everything to do with not being able to afford, or not having the space, to have everyone there for the whole day.

When someone drops out, you can upgrade people from the evening list, as there's space available...and it's a "we've had a space come up in the daytime...we'd really love it if you were able to come along"...there's no "expectation" that you seem to be imagining...If they say "I've got to work" or "I have plans", then that's fine...you've not exactly given them much notice - and you can try and get someone else to take the spaces. If they say "yay, free food!" then you've filled your spare places.

Personally, I hate the whole idea of dividing into A-list and B-list guests, so I just invited everyone to the whole thing, but if I hadn't, I honestly wouldn't even have imagined that anyone would take the offer of free food as being "disrespectful"...

And I've been upgraded in the past, not only from day to evening, but from not-going to going at quite last minute...have I been offended? No, I've been happy to be thought of. Guess I just don't understand social protocol :S

Valli

Idiophreak wrote: »

And I've been upgraded in the past, not only from day to evening, but from not-going to going at quite last minute...have I been offended? No, I've been happy to be thought of. Guess I just don't understand social protocol :S

While I take the points of all your post the other side of the coin to this is almost as if the happy couple have a list of substitutes ready - and if I were asked at the last minute to fill in, for whatever reason the 'vacancy' had arisen, I believe I would decline the invitation.

The £50 per had for a meal being 'wasted' by the bride/groom would be nothing to the expenses I would suddenly incur. I would need an outfit - I might need to book a hotel room, pay for a taxi etc etc

The last wedding I attended must have cost me close on £400.

However, to reflect the OP's point at the start I think to accept an invitation to a wedding and then to cancel for a holiday booked after the wedding invitation had been accepted is the height of bad manners. It would be perfectly acceptable to have to change plans due to unforeseen circumstances, though.

BugglyB

Valli wrote: »

While I take the points of all your post the other side of the coin to this is almost as if the happy couple have a list of substitutes ready - and if I were asked at the last minute to fill in, for whatever reason the 'vacancy' had arisen, I believe I would decline the invitation.

The £50 per had for a meal being 'wasted' by the bride/groom would be nothing to the expenses I would suddenly incur. I would need an outfit - I might need to book a hotel room, pay for a taxi etc etc

The last wedding I attended must have cost me close on £400.

However, to reflect the OP's point at the start I think to accept an invitation to a wedding and then to cancel for a holiday booked after the wedding invitation had been accepted is the height of bad manners. It would be perfectly acceptable to have to change plans due to unforeseen circumstances, though.

I think the people you would be looking to 'bump' would be evening guests anyway so would surely already have an outfit, a hotel room, etc?

We were 'bumped' last year to our friends wedding. He had rung when the invitations went out to say sorry we were only invited to the evening, but if one of his aunties, cousins or closest friends was unable to make it we would be first on the list. How could you be angry about that? I was chuffed to be top of the 'evening' list, to be honest.

As it was someone pulled out last minute so we went to the whole thing. All it meant was we set off earlier, had a free meal and got to see the speeches and the ceremoney which was wonderful.

Okydoky25

We had 4 no shows, 1 I knew about the day before but I was furious with them all as not only was it wasted money but more importantly wasted space I could have invited friends who wanted to attend ggrr

LEJC

Well for what its worth....I'd be more than happy to be "bumped up"....

I guess the OP knows her guests and will approach those who she thinks are able to attend the full wedding at short notice and see if they would like to attend....the whole emphasis being its up to the guest if they choose to say yes or no

To the previous poster who has mentioned it cost £400 to attend a wedding....sorry if I sound negative but it was presumably your choice to accept the invite and you chose to spend the money on attending the wedding....

Weddings can be costly for both the bride and groom and the guests...but because your asked to attend a wedding at late notice doesnt mean you are obliged to accept....a decline is perfectly reasonable....when we married there were 2 who dropped out at short notice and they were "replaced"...I'd hate to think that those replacements had a bad time and spent the whole time wishing they had been invited earlier,or even felt they needed to rush out and buy an outfit in order to join us for the day....I hope they saw it for what it was,an invitation to join us at short notice to our wedding.