Awful situation - Help

KiKi

His words hold no meaning and are not real. Not responding is the best thing you can do. He is deliberately trying to stress you out, so you need to stop reading the emails and texts and stop responding.

Turn your phone off and get a new SIM (free), PAYG, with a new number. Do not use the other SIM.

You've been given some excellent advice elsewhere here. I will also recommend that you use Freecycle to get anything you need for the house and the kids and immediately get in touch with the CSA and looking at your benefit entitlements.

It will be a very difficult road, starting up again. And I can only suggest that the way to get through it is to see this as something for you and the kids. You get to plan a whole, wonderful new life, near your family. He may or may not play a part where the kids are concerned. But you get to control this, you get to make your own choices. Start by making lists of things to do; prioritise the financial ones (like the CSA).

I can only assume that he's either had a breakdown, has some form of brain trauma or illness, or is the most incredibly, unbelievably selfish man - because from what you say about him and what your friends have said, it sounds so wildly out of character.

I do wish you all the best - but please, get rid of your SIM and get a new one. Get a new email address, and don't respond to him except about important stuff like the kids or the mortgage where it's a practical thing that needs to be sorted (this doesn't include threats).

KiKi

daska

If you're on a contract rather than PAYG ring your provider and tell them you are being harassed and need to change your number. Orange did it within 2 hours (for me as the contract was in my name) when my ex's ex starting ringing/texting him every half hour as soon as she found out the chemo had left him bed bound.

I can't think of any other advice that hasn't been given but... hang in there, it will get sorted out, it will get better. (((HUGS)))

clearingout

what a twit. remove 'i' and insert 'a'.

One thing at a time. For the next few days just aim to deal with getting in the money that you're entitled to. Make the applications (much of it can be done online so you dont' necessarily have to speak to anyone) and then you'll know that's done.

Freeze any joint accounts - but not before removing any funds left in them. Don't let him run up any overdrafts as you're jointly liable.

The courts won't let your ex run riot just 'cos you're unrepresented (if it comes to that which it won't, I'm sure). Just ignore him. Turn off the phone and let him deal with things through the solicitor - if nothing else, you'll cost him a fortune getting nowhere (think small pieces of revenge - it's far sweeter that way!!!!). Your solicitor will know what needs to be responded to and what doesn't. In a few weeks, as things start settling down, you'll be able to start communicating with him directly again but not for now. Give yourself the rest.

Hang on in there. It gets better and easier with a bit of time.

clearingout

oh, meant to say if he is truly bombarding you with texts, e-mails, phone calls etc. then you can deal with this. It's called harassment. Keep copies of everything. Tell your solicitor how much it's bothering you. The police can intervene with harassment warnings and the courts with Non-Molestation Orders. You probably don't feel such intervention is necessary - but keep everything as it may become necessary. He's kind of going that way at the moment. He may stop - particularly if he finds himself a solicitor with half a brain - but if he doesn't, you'll need the evidence.

The best advice I was given was to start a diary - just open a word document and password it and make a point of saving it to a memory stick or e-mail it to yourself once a week. Put in a table - three columns - date, time, comments. Record everything (it's very cathartic, if nothing else) becuase as time goes on, you forget the detail and if you end up in court, it's useful to be able to rock up there with 'On the 12th August at 10pm, I received a text which stated......Here is a copy of the transcript of the text'. It's far better than saying 'he called me names regularly but I can't really remember when or in what context'.

Finally, no one else has said it but I will put it on the table. Are you sure there's no one else? He sounds much like my ex in terms of his behaviour - who had been having an affair at the point he left me pregnant with our third child for at least 2 years.

Slinky

Sorry to hear your situation, it sounds awful. Do you know for certain that that bank account is frozen? My mum told my dad she'd blocked an account. After the divorce we went to the building society as he needed to get money from the account to pay her off. It turned out the 'frozen' account had never been frozen, it was a bluff on her part.

I hope you manage to get things sorted and move on in your life in a meaningful way.

FizzledOut

clearingout wrote: »

The best advice I was given was to start a diary - just open a word document and password it and make a point of saving it to a memory stick or e-mail it to yourself once a week. Put in a table - three columns - date, time, comments. Record everything (it's very cathartic, if nothing else) becuase as time goes on, you forget the detail and if you end up in court, it's useful to be able to rock up there with 'On the 12th August at 10pm, I received a text which stated......Here is a copy of the transcript of the text'. It's far better than saying 'he called me names regularly but I can't really remember when or in what context'. .

This is good advice - my husband dropped the bombshell just six months ago (but no small babes at home). I've got a bunch of emails in draft - each month, ranting and raving on my side, notes of what he's said, etc. He was under a lot of pressure - no excuse, just a flat-out coward when the chips were down. I'd like to suggest your guy felt the pressure of being unable to provide a home for his family, new baby, huge money problems and has "shut down". I read a quote in a book recently = You make me feel bad; feeling bad makes me mad; ergo, you make me mad. I bet he knows he's been a shot (wrong vowel there) hates himself, blames you for hating himself, ergo hates you for making him hate himself. Again, it's not an excuse, but understanding that little bit, for me, makes me get a grip on what is going on in his head and allows me to deal with him in a way.

I'd suggest having a chat to your doctor too - get as much support behind you as soon as you can. You're a really brave lady.

win123

So sorry that you have to go through this Buddylove and one day thinga will get better - Go to the CAB or council for housing advice - I am currenty waiting to hear about the Mortgage Rescue Scheme where the housin association or council buy your home and you rent it from them - Good Luck

Seanymph

How are you doing?