Adoption

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

As you thanked DVardys mean spirited and pointless comments I couldn't be sure your heart was in the right place.

I'm afraid that calling people "hun" or "honey" on forums is a personal dislike of mine. I wouldn't comment on this myself but felt it only honest to agree with someone else who did.

Dunroamin

RacyRed wrote: »

I get the difference and agree that great care needs to be taken with language.

However would incorrect terminology like that really be picked up by an assessing social worker and be viewed negatively at such an early stage of the adoption process? .

In my experience it would invite questioning and the answers to these questions might cause problems. It would also indicate that the potential adopter hadn't looked into adoption to any degree (which is what the OP is doing here ) and that, in itself, would be a negative.

BugglyB

Hi op, I would suggest you do a lot of reading. Adoptionuk forums have good reccomendations of suitable books and papers. Read blogs and forums.

Do listen to what other people say but be careful, with the horror stories and with the enthusiastic reccomendations. Adoption also seems to be one of those things that everyone no matter how ill informed has an opinion on. As with all routes to parenthood no-one can tell you the full truth, to a large extent you're taking a leap into the unknown and everyones circumstances end up different.

BugglyB

Oh also op theres a section on the adoption uk forum called 'adopters with birth children' you can have a look at. Obviously people only normally post on there if they're having problems so dont let it scare you, but it might give you some things to consider. Best of luck x

DVardysShadow

Person_one wrote: »

As you thanked DVardys mean spirited and pointless comments I couldn't be sure your heart was in the right place.

Actually, honey, I don't know what it is, but there is something which really grates, not just about calling someone and everyone 'honey' but more specifically about doing it on a thread on adoption. I'll try and analyse it a bit

The uses of the word are diverse

• Where there is a very close and intimate relationship
• As a veiled threat ["If you are thinking of doing <x>, then forget it, honey"]
• To a recipient of sympathy ["So sorry to hear of your loss, honey"]

Note the difference between the intimate situation and the more distant situations. The use of the word to anyone who is not genuinely close implies the user of the word taking a position of some degree of superiority over the person addressed as .honey'.

I don't think it was OP's intention to take such a position. But equally, as the use of the word does not naturally fit into any of the categories I recognise, it was to my mind's ear quite unnatural. Without looking back at OP's previous posts, I don't think it is part of her natural way of relating to people. To me it is dripping with artificiality. But before anyone jibs at that, I am sticking to commenting on my perception and not on the OP's intentions.

Now this relates to the point which Dunroamin raises about the use of the terms 'birth child' and 'natural child'. Social workers assessing prospective adopters will no doubt be looking at all kinds of aspects of the demeanour of the applicant.

Now, beyond that, I don't know what to make of it. In the context of the thread, I could not let it pass without comment.

Now, honey, shoot the messenger some more if you must.

BugglyB

The other thing to be aware of is that there is a lot of stuff out there about social services targets and 'child snatching' and so on. I would read that stuff too, but take it all with a pinch of salt. I like to have all the perspectives

I forgot to add this link:

http://www.baaf.org.uk/bookshop

Gottodothis

I am in the process of adopting a 20 month old.

It's a slightly different situation as i have been fostering her since she was 8 months.

I have a 20 year old birth child and two other foster children aged 15 and 9.

You need to consider your birth child and how it will affect him.

My daughter was 15 when three children arrived on my doorstep late on a sunday night.

They are related to me, but they have very extensive behavioural needs. They are functioning well below their age.. The older one is now 18 and has moved on.

It has been very hard. I have had several assessments, medicals and i am about to go on the adoption course.

Think very carefully about this because it will affect everybodies lives, you, your partner and your son

Tina20

I also severely dislike the term 'honey' as I used to know a girl who loved nothing more than to patronise everyone by calling them 'honey' or 'hun' which is even WORSE! 'thanks hun' ugh *shudders* it really grates on me.

Back on topic though, adoption is a wonderful thing if done properly. The journey will most likely be very lengthy and difficult, so personally I would be looking to make sure your biological family was completely sorted before embarking. That's my take on it, as if you have problems now, they are likely to get a lot worse once a possibly disturbed child is brought into the mix.

pinksk8

Have no experience of adoption at all, but just wanted to wish you and your family the best of luck in this process and do keep us up to date. x x x

memoryoftrees

Adoption was something I looked into but decided in the end it was not for me.

I know two of my work colleagues recently adopted children and they very happy :jGood luck x