Adoption

SqueekyMouse

I know that there are a lot of children who desperately need to be adopted. Adopting a child is a wonderful altruistic thing to do.

However please think of your exsisting family first, be a little bit selfish. The sad fact is that children are removed from their parents for a reason. With the execption of babies put up for adoption at birth, most children will have problems as a result of their past with their birth families and as a result of unstable foster placements/children's homes. Obviously it's not their fault and they do deserve a new loving family

Please consider how bringing a child with complex emotional or behavioral problems into your family will affect your own child. He doesn't have any say in this decision, he doesn't understand the implications. Please protect him first.

My experience with adoption comes from a close family member who fostered for a number of years and ended up adopting two of the babies who were placed with her. One baby was 1 1/2 when removed from his parents and put in her care, the other was a few months old. The 1 1/2 year old has some significant problems as a result of his experiences with his birth mother's "profession".

If you feel comfortable with this, brilliant. I just wanted to make you aware that intergrating an adopted child into your family may not be plain sailing.

Alikay

SqueekyMouse wrote: »

Please consider how bringing a child with complex emotional or behavioral problems into your family will affect your own child. He doesn't have any say in this decision, he doesn't understand the implications. Please protect him first.

This is very true. I'd say the older your son is, and the more extensive his own support network (grandparents, aunts, family friends etc) the better. It is incredible the havoc a damaged child can wreak on a family if they're not well prepared and supported.

Felicity

Dunroamin wrote: »

Could you explain?

Please don't use the expression "natural child" - will an adopted child be unnatural?

Thanks, yes I understand my terminology might not be the best.

I obviously meant the child that was born to me but I appreciate you bringing me up on it.

Felicity

SqueekyMouse wrote: »

I know that there are a lot of children who desperately need to be adopted. Adopting a child is a wonderful altruistic thing to do.

However please think of your exsisting family first, be a little bit selfish. The sad fact is that children are removed from their parents for a reason. With the execption of babies put up for adoption at birth, most children will have problems as a result of their past with their birth families and as a result of unstable foster placements/children's homes. Obviously it's not their fault and they do deserve a new loving family

Please consider how bringing a child with complex emotional or behavioral problems into your family will affect your own child. He doesn't have any say in this decision, he doesn't understand the implications. Please protect him first.

My experience with adoption comes from a close family member who fostered for a number of years and ended up adopting two of the babies who were placed with her. One baby was 1 1/2 when removed from his parents and put in her care, the other was a few months old. The 1 1/2 year old has some significant problems as a result of his experiences with his birth mother's "profession".

If you feel comfortable with this, brilliant. I just wanted to make you aware that intergrating an adopted child into your family may not be plain sailing.

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to give me some advice.

I have thought about this long and hard and I understand I have a lot more thinking to do ... posts like yours are really helpful xxx

Ich_2

We adopted 22 years ago and were fortunate to be matched with a 5 day old baby boy.
We were lucky he has turned into a credit to himself and is well respected by everyone. There are no guarantees that your own child will turn out perfect just as there are none and adopted child will.
Take a chance and just do it, the feeling of satisfaction will make it worthwhile.

Felicity

Ich wrote: »

We adopted 22 years ago and were fortunate to be matched with a 5 day old baby boy.
We were lucky he has turned into a credit to himself and is well respected by everyone. There are no guarantees that your own child will turn out perfect just as there are none and adopted child will.
Take a chance and just do it, the feeling of satisfaction will make it worthwhile.

Bless you .. and thank you xxx

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

Cut her some slack, she's only just looking into this, its all new and I'm sure she'll get the hang of using the appropriate language soon.

Well she will if someone explains it to her - better me than the assessing social worker.

Dunroamin

Felicity wrote: »

Thanks, yes I understand my terminology might not be the best.

I obviously meant the child that was born to me but I appreciate you bringing me up on it.

Thank you; my comment was meant constructively.

The terms birth child/birth mother/etc are normally used.

RacyRed

Dunroamin wrote: »

Well she will if someone explains it to her - better me than the assessing social worker.

I get the difference and agree that great care needs to be taken with language.

However would incorrect terminology like that really be picked up by an assessing social worker and be viewed negatively at such an early stage of the adoption process? If that does happen then that is an even greater evil than not knowing the right term to use.

Good luck OP, it sounds as if your heart is in the right place.

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

Thank you; my comment was meant constructively.

The terms birth child/birth mother/etc are normally used.

As you thanked DVardys mean spirited and pointless comments I couldn't be sure your heart was in the right place.