Mum tries to exclude me from my own children

skypie123_2

your mother sounds mentally ill.

i don't understand why you would let her near your children or in your house.

you have no positive relationship with her.
take her 'power' away and cut her off.

snozberry

She may be your mother but she isn't behaving like a mum. You do not have to have this woman in your house and I strongly suggest that you start phasing her out of your life.

Be strong and stand up to her. Put your needs first and make steps towards showing her the door.

Errata

You don't like her, she doesn't like you - tell her to buqqer off, it will be no loss to either of you.
And whilst you're at it, pay attention to the appalling behaviour she's indulging herself in in front of your children. Do you really want them to learn that's how adults behave towards each other?

Desperado99

I wouldn't let her in the house TBH

And for the record, we have had a cutoff with the MIL (it was very nice) we are now back in contact but she knows where the boundaries are.

Penny-Pincher!!

OP, I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are allowing this to happen!

Ive had a strained relationship with my mother and she has only ever looked after DD 2 times and she is now 17. She is my daughter and Im not having her treated as I was with everything being conditional or emotional/financial blackmail.

I couldn't give a flick what people say to me about my decisions with regards to my parents involvement with DD. We have taught DD to be respectful, love life and we are very close as a family unit. Something that I or OH didn't have and we swore that we would parent different to how our parents did.

We now have a nearly 18yr old DD who has worked hard to get where she is. She's well grounded, fair, intelligent, focused, tolerant, loving, grateful, kind and selfless. I truly believe if she had had more to do with either set of parents, she wouldn't have been all these. We are so very proud of her.

My parents are quite well-off, but from a very young age, Ive never liked money with its power because of how they were. DD has some kind of trust fund but I don't have a clue whats in there. She will receive it when she's 21 but she's unaware of it.

OH & I have been married nearly 20 years and are mid 30's. We've only once asked for help when DD was born as OH's work cheque was late and we needed to pay the mortgage. They lent us £300 for 5 days. Thats it! We've always been adamant that we will never ask. Yes we've been offered stupid amounts of money and they've offered to pay off mortgages etc or large cash gifts, cars etc but always declined.

We see them 2-3 times a year, but its on my terms and they would never turn up unannounced as they wouldn't be let in or I wouldn't answer the door! My mum has improved and as such we have a better relationship than we had.

Do what YOU think is best for your daughter!

PP
xx

pmlindyloo

I think this is one of those occasions when a good old fashioned letter comes into its own.

This saves a 'confrontation' where it is so easy to be emotionally blackmailed.

Write to her and tell her that you love her as she's your mother but you will not allow her to treat you badly in front of your children and OH.

No need to be particularly nasty - just say it in a matter of fact way.

Say that you do not want to stop her visiting as the children love her but you will do so if on her next visit she continues to belittle you.

This may go utterly pear shaped especially if this is her way and she has no idea of how upsetting it is.

If this happens, then in my opinion, I would either limit her visits severely or stop her visiting.

As people have already said you are the one who is letting this happen. You are the one who has the control to stop it.

I know how difficult it is when someone not very nice is one of your own family and because they're family you try to keep the peace but life is far too short to put up with this 'bullying'.

kymrob

like i always say just because there is a knock on the door u do not have to open it!

Mojisola

Flashdaisy wrote: »

If DH is here she gushes over him, telling him what a wonderful, hard working man he is, but then treats me with contempt in front of him.

And your OH lets her without saying anything?

Your mother knows how to control you - if you can't stand up to her, don't have her in your house.

Blackpool_Saver

OP hasn't come back yet I see...... I still would like an answer about the father in this case...... it's a possible reason

Gavin83

Flashdaisy wrote: »

I don't know what to do; I've tried confronting her before but she just starts feuds and has threatened to cut me off whenever I've tackled her.

Bring it up with her. If she threatens to cut you off again just tell her you'll save her the bother and tell her never to contact you and your family ever again. She obviously controls this relationship, take the upper hand. She clearly brings nothing positive to your life.