Mum tries to exclude me from my own children

daska

move away, change your telephone number and have a lovely life without her... who needs nastiness, plenty of that available if you read the newspapers, you shouldn't and don't have to put up with it at home. I banned my mum from my house for over a year because she was so foul to me all the time.

Own_My_Own

You don't say how old your children are, but from personal experience I would put a stop to it now.

I sadly didn't stop my mother seeing my children and now it is too late.They both think she is great and that I am just horrible to her. It is very hard to explain to them what my childhood was like.
She had (I think still has) a drink problem and everybody left her exempt me. I was expected to stay as YOU ONLY GET ONE MUM, and as I was single (with my children) she just wouldn't leave me alone.
I can tell when she has been drinking when others (including my children) cannot, and they think I am grumpy when I comment.
She has also threatened to cut me out of her will, but I really don't care. She (like your mother) have nothing else to offer or take away.

I know one day I will tell what I really think, but I hold it back as I know it will cause WW3. I also know once I start I won't be able to stop.
Please do not end up like me. Do something now while you can .x

CFC

Don't put up with it, Flashdaisy. She hurt you as a child when you couldnt prevent it, and she's hurting you now. You are an adult now and don't need to put up with it.

Mrs.W_2

((Flashdaisy)) You are in an awful situation. But it is in your power to resolve this, for once and all!

How does your OH react to the different faces your mother presents? Have you made him aware of the way you were treated when growing up?

His support right now, and into the future will be key to your overcoming your mother's rather poisonous effect on you and your family.

In short, have it out with her. If you have the energy, tell her you're not going to put up with her previous behaviour regards your children. If she chooses to exclude herself from your lives, I cannot see that as a bad thing. Should she not take the hint, tell her she is not welcome. And, importantly, have your OH back you up on this! That ought to close the door on this woman attempting to influence your family with her poison.

Old_Git

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Are you absolutely sure you and your sister have the same Dad?

are you sure you have the same mother

londonsurrey

I don't have children, but I had a mother like this. Had to take her to court to get her to stay away in the end.

One massive mistake I made was to try to get my late husband's backing. He was a pushover for bullies, and I wasted years trying to convince him, not fully realising the extent of his weaknesses.

Eventually, I laid it out to him - whenever I had contact with my mother, I got upset, and he had to live with an upset me, which he didn't like.

He had a choice:
- If he insisted on letting her into our house, and relaying messages from her to me, then I would react and be upset.

- If he stopped inviting her to our house and relaying messages from her, I would stop getting upset at the contact and messages.

He changed his mobile number (I was good at dealing with her calls on our landline - I just put the handset on the table and carried on talking to friends) and didn't call her. I stopped giving him an earful for relaying the latest nasty message. Problem sorted.

Lotus-eater

She threatens to cut you off from what?

My Mum does the same things, but I just speak louder than she does and say, NO, this is the way it is done.
YOU are in charge of your children, they are yours, she can say what she wants to you, but they behave the way you want them to.

Mindless_Clone

Lotus-eater wrote: »

She threatens to cut you off from what?

Yes, what? Tell her to go ahead.


She sounds like a complete nightmare.

If you have the strength, then you can turn tables and tell her your house, your rules and if she doesn't like it, there's the door. And then make sure you make her do some running around and grovelling to you.


Otherwise, just tell her that you don't like the way she speaks to you, that you are wise to her twisty mind games and won't have your children dragged into them so she's no longer welcome in your home.

kymrob

i feel for you i have been through very similar however i do stand up to her! last couple years i allowed her back in my life after about 4 years, long story too (i was thrown out of home for getting pregnant at 16 i find it hard to understand why she done this at a time i needed her the most i was alone). over the years she tried to interfere but i say if you cant be there for bad time no way u there for all the good times! sorry im harsh. daughter nearly 21 its took this long to try to forgive her for many things she has said and done, but however i told her that if i have to walk away again second time will be easy for me and must say she is trying hard!
i do have a saying which i base many things on-
if something or someone cause more negitive than positive move on! life too short
and
hurt me once more fool you, hurt me twice more fool me!

many people say 'but its your mum!!!' i say yer and IM HER DAUGHTER!!!
like you i have near perfect sister who they (mum and dad) no longer spk to, she cant be friends with us both at same time!
be strong! please dont allow anyone to walk over you
i have learnt how not to be a mum from my mum and i have a wonderful daughter who makes me proud everyday!

mrcow

If she makes you feel uncomfortable, stop inviting her over so much. Limit it to once a month or less (how often is it now?)

Every time she is rude to you, tell her she's being rude. If she doesn't like it, that's her business.

If she behaves rudely when you say something just say "What's the matter? Is something the matter? Your face looks odd. Why are you making that face?"

Force her to face her behaviour.

Just because you've always taken this behaviour, it doesn't mean that you have to continue to.

And if she says something rude, just say (nicely) "That sounded like an insult.....was it supposed to be one?" or "That sounded like you were trying to undermine me, did you mean to?", or "That sounded like you just contradicted me, did you mean to?"

Chuck the ball back into her court.