Child Contact Help

hobo28

I think you've done great so far. I went to court with a solicitor and part of me wishes I didn't waste the money.

Anyway, my advice is to be really clear why you consider it is in the best interests of the children that they have NO contact with their father. No contact is pretty extreme as far as courts go. They will usually go with the principle that some contact is better than none. Is there any reason why you can't consider supervised contact (either at a centre or with a relative of his)? Or maybe limited contact such as writing letters and/or birthday cards etc? The fear is that by saying "No contact whatsoever", you will come across as simply being vindictive and not having the children's best interests at heart. Not suggesting its true, just saying thats what the ex and his solicitor will be saying.

You say he's a nasty piece of work but is that towards the children? Being in prison doesn't mean he's automatically a bad man. A good friend of mine was in prison a couple of years ago and is a great bloke who spent many years serving queen and country.

You probably know this by now but phrase everything in the best interests of the kids. So "I want to spend time with them" should be "The kids also need to spend time with their mother. An important point I missed and was pulled up on.

Lastly, think about what reasons he is giving for wanting access other than he wants to see them. That is taken as read and the court will also think thats best for the kids unless you prove otherwise. So for example, if its about controlling you, is there a way to prove it? To be honest, I'm not sure what you could seek to achieve cross examining him but then of course I've no ideas on the specifics.

Good luck anyway.

Bossyboots

grey_lady wrote: »

Thankfully most of the replies here have been informative and supportive.
Ignore the rest. Especially those who say 'Arent they his kids to'
that's crap, any abusive ex who is currently locked up loses his right to be called 'father'

A bad partner does not make a bad father.

The warning about the McKenzie friend from thesaint is spot on. Be very careful when doing this.

I also agree that the Family Proceedings Court should be far more relaxed than the county court.

superwoman_2

thesaint wrote: »

I am sorry, but I have more questions than answers.

You state that he wants contact with 'my' kids, are they his children as well?
If they are, I should use 'our' children when addressing the court.

What has the CAFCASS officer recommended?

The solicitor will question you very thoroughly regarding the abuse if it isn't proven and/or reported, as parents shout this in proceedings without any proof.

If you are questioned about your suitability as a mother, choose to tell the court your version of events, do not call the father a liar, simply tell your story without laying blame. Most points brought up will simply be differing parenting styles.

Do not bring up the CSA unless questioned, it has nothing to do with contact.

I only refer to them as 'my' children just because as far as I am concerned he has never been a father to them, he is merely the sperm donor, but thats just my personal feelings gettin in the way, which I dont allow to happen in court.

The CAFCASS officer is not supporting his application so there's one to me, at least.

Ive never brought the issue of maintenance up however his solicitor has, but when I challenge him he just says it is not an issue which solicitors deal with. It makes me mad because it seems he wants to make me look small once the magistrates come into the room, bringing up things which have been discussed between us in private.

I have requested that under the Childrens Act 1989 that he can not make any further applications without leave of court.

As far as the abuse is concerned I have pressed charges on three occassions which he has pleaded guilty to and is awaiting sentencing in the Crown Court in a couple of weeks for the last of these.

I would just like to say that I am not being obstructive not allowing him to see the children, it is for their protection. I do allow him indirect contact which he has only taken advantage of 3 times since April 2006 (the first time was while he was remanded in custody in August. If it was me I would write every day / week.) I also allow his mother visitation in a public place where I can stay, but away from the children so not to interfere with the contact, this is so I can make sure he does not turn up. Her solicitor agrees this is the best thing until justice is served.

Would just like to say a big thank you to everyone for all of their encouraging words and support. Will have my fingers crossed come Tuesday.

thesaint

Although I understand what you are saying about him being a 'Sperm donor', it's not something I agree with no matter how poor a father he is.

The CAFCASS report is your best defence to his application, so you are correct that you are in the driving seat. I must admit though, that I got substantially more than they recommended.

Hopefully the assaults have been mentioned in the CAFCASS report, only mention them in court if asked, because the magistates would've read the report before you see them. If he has assaulted you in front of the children, I would explain that this is one of your main concerns for your children.

He is entitled to bring up things that have been discussed in private if they relate to the children, if it doesn't relate to the children, state politely that it doesn't. If the magistrates require you to answer, then they will tell you to.

What you would do in his position(write every day/week) is not a road to go down, parents have the right to parent as they see fit.
Allowing contact with the childrens grandmother shows that you are indeed trying to resolve the situation, so well done for that.

I don't see much to worry about, so I wish you and your children 'good luck'.

superwoman_2

Just wanted to let you all know that because of all your kind words and support I won my case. Without them I dont think I'd have had the strength I needed on the day.

It was the scariest and most nerve racking thing I have ever had to do in my life and the magistrates went over the evidence for two hours before they gave us an answer.( At least they were thorough.)

But thanks again to everyone. I can sleep easy for a while at least. I got the order I asked for under Section 91(14) of Childrens Act 1989 for 12 months so he cant apply again without leave of the court for a year.

If anyone is going through the same thing feel free to get in touch and I will help as much as I can. Rights of Woman are a good source of information as they have a free legal advice line and a Child Contact Handbook that goes through everything step by step. Good luck everyone with whatever hurdles you need to jump over in life. You will get through it and it will make you stronger.

inkie

Excellent,excellent news Superwoman, for you and your children. Well done, and God Bless you all!

thesaint

Glad it worked out for you, I wish I went alone from start because my original solicitor was hopeless, I knew more about the children act than her.

You are a new member, but I hope you stay around and give others on these boards the benefit of your experience because I believe 'Real world' advice is needed by visitors to this site, and not endless drivel first heard on 'Trisha'.

MXW

Well done! Told you, you could do it! xx:T :T :T :T

welshcakes

Hi super

I'm sorry I've been away from board and only just got onto your thread otherwise I would (as a self repper for contact and financials) have joined the communal support.

I'm so pleased that your voice (I suspect the true voice of the children) was heard and listened to.

I'm sure it has been an uncomfortable but valuable experience, i know my successes in court empowered me after years of being a victim (to him for what he did and to myself for allowing him to do it for so long).

Great for your children to have such a strong parent!

zztopgirl

superwoman wrote: »

But thanks again to everyone. I can sleep easy for a while at least. I got the order I asked for under Section 91(14) of Childrens Act 1989 for 12 months so he cant apply again without leave of the court for a year.

Well done!:T

I wanted to go for one of those s91, but was turned down, and my ex just kept on taking me to court for the most ridiculous of things.

If you got through that ok, you can get through anything, thats my opinion anyway:beer: